gayNwyo

"Hey Ryan, can I go home now?" "No, you cannot." "Why?" "Because we need you to stay, it's been a dark day, and we need your light..." "It has been a dark day, hasn't it?" "Yes, so we need you to stay here and shine."

The water gently fell down, Between the sleek curve of his chest, His arms, my border and shelter, Embraced the warmth that remained. Our necks bent and surrendered, Beards brush in anticipation of a kiss, While eyes, closed to the world, See more than they show. The in and out of our breath, He's a silent storm, He's thinking of me, He's a savage within. R.L.J.

"So every once in a while this same old dude will come through the store and buy gel deodorant. That stuff is nasty. I mean, why? You might as well put toothpaste under your arms. It's basically armpit toothpaste..."

"Sometimes, back when I worked in produce, in late summer the cucumbers would come in extra large. And sometimes the old ladies would ask me, "Why are these cucumbers so big?" And I would say, "These cucumbers are from Africa..."

"We are the farthest planet away from God and heaven. That's why this place feels so much like hell, because we are so far away from God. But don't worry, some day this place won't be hell anymore and we'll all be closer to God. That's the day we die, you know..."

  Dear Ryan, So what are you doing? You know on these letters I always ask the people who are Star of the Week "what's it like being Star of the Week?" Hey, what's your favorite color? Well, I'm running out of things to say so I guess I'll let you go. Later! Your friend,            Kelly

"I sit here staring at your face that I haven't seen for a very long time. And all I can think of is all the stories you shared that you never shared with me. You chose silence with me when you had so much to say. Why couldn't you talk to me? I was always willing to listen you know. As I look at you now, I see all those stories you shared playing in your eyes. The sad ones, the sick ones and the sweet ones. I'm glad you found a place you could share them, even though you couldn't share them with me."

"Are we short today? There should be another cashier here, right??" "Yes, there should be... "What happened??" "Well, one went home having a mental breakdown, he forgot his antidepressants. He said he ran out cuz his dog ate them. But I think he just couldn't deal today. Someone gave him a dose of reality and he just couldn't take it..." "It was you wasn't it, Ryan, you did that, didnt you...?" "Maybe I did and maybe I didn't..."

  Dear Ryan, You get three dots, That's it, Just three,  And here they be, The three, I love thee.  ... G

 "You've got some top choice, grade A, number one prime dick, Mr. Jevne, I hope you know that..!" "Of course I do, and I choose to give it to you..."

 You are my breath, my heart beat, my joy. ❤️❤️❤️ I'm your boy! I love you! ❤️ 💙 💜 

"You didn't know him like I did. When he was younger. There was no one as pure and tender and trusting as he was. But then people like you came along and spoiled that, and taught him that he wasn't pure or tender and that trusting wasn't something he should do. So shame on you, shame on you..."

"Where did my drink go?! It was right here a moment ago. Where the fuck did it go?! Did some phantom fairy come and steal it away from me?!?"

"Do you look for ways to replace the losses in your life, Ryan? For people often look to replace the losses only to find addictions. And you have too many of those. Maybe you should look for human connections instead, for that is what is often lacking in an addicts life..."

"Hell if I know. Really. I don't remember much, but I'm sure it was good. She told me how much she loved you and only wants you to be happy. I kinda do right now as well. I'm trying to work slowly, but another part of me says... fuck it... go at a pace that feels right." "What's that mean? I'm confused." "Just that I'm trying to process how much I wanna run over to Riverton. I wanna take things slow, but I kinda wanna rush in and sweep you off your feet and call you my own. I don't think I've felt an intense attraction and connection like this in decades. I feel alive. And I hopefully don't sound like a fool." "Absolutely not, you don't sound like a fool. I'm feeling the same way. I'm very attracted and more connected than I thought I would be. Things like this happen very rarely, and all we have is now, ever. So, if it feels right, why not?!" "But I also understand if you don't want to rus...

 "I'm so sick of his whiny shit, that whiny little mommas boy. It's so pathetic watching him whine over this and that. I think his momma is to blame for that..."

  7-5-06 Hey Honey! Sorry I was so cranky earlier today. It's just that sometimes I feel like this job is way too much for me to handle. I try really hard, but Mac is so temperamental and Allison will barely let me touch her most of the time. I don't want you to think it is all bad though. Mac and I usually get along really well, like when we play trains, or go grocery shopping... 7-8-06 12pm Wow, I guess I am busy, can't even finish a letter... A lot has happened this week with Allison stuck home. I very much wonder if I should quit, especially on those days. But on the good days, it's hard for me to let myself just give up. Even if I did leave though, I don't know what I would do. I feel bad because I reopened my profile on enannysource.com. This time though I put temp job nanny. I also called that private school in Utah to see about the job there. I don't know what I will do. Truth is, I would love to be with you. If I thought it would work, I would be willin...

He walked up to the bar and asked, "What kind of wine is that pink kind?" The lady bartender responded, "Pink and purty like your mouth..."

"I always felt I needed him to talk me down, to tell me everything's gonna be alright, and that it was all in my head. I always felt I was running in circles trying to convince myself that he was sleeping alone in his bed. I was so ready to fall in love with him, holding out for him. All the words he said to me as I laid in his arms, I believed them. And all the promises he made in the dark, I believed those too. He had me in his orbit, and I waited on his gravity. I was patient and kind, trusting that he would deliver on the promises and words in the dark, but he never did."

He caught me with my sweatpants down around my ankles, right hand around my cock, left hand on my phone, watching some morning gay porn. "Watching some porn, huh...?" "Yep!" I jumped up, caught hot handed in the act. That was the last time he saw my red hot cock.

"I'm sure you'll have to work early Monday, so I won't keep you late if you need to head home... unless I determine that you need to stay longer and tie you up." "I love being tied up!" "That's all you have to say... I like that you are a little freaky... I am as well. Maybe I'm a lot freaky..." "Sweet!"

"I have to confess, Ryan, sometimes late at night when I'm alone and feeling lonely, I read your blog, it's my guilty pleasure. You probably find that disturbing, and I totally get that, cuz well, look at me..." "Is this a self deprecating attempt to flatter or compliment me? If it is, it's working and you seem very sweet and genuine and kind. People like you are rare to find, and I can see us being friends, if you don’t mind..."

"I'm deeper than that, Ryan. I'm not the quick suck and a fuck and go jump in my truck kind of guy. I wanna be intimate and sexy and take my time when we're together. I need the foreplay and the cuddling afterwards as well as the pounding out of the veal...!"

 "I'm picking up my prescription for my PH, it's all off and now I have to take something for my vaginal lack of moisture if you know what I mean..."  She leans in for a hug and lightly smacks my ass, with a cackle, a lick of the lips and a naughty wink. She smelled of bacon grease and garlic, and a faint whiff of liquor on her breath. "Are you trying to say you've got some chap in your flap, some dust in your cooch, some dry between your thighs, some itch in your ditch and some scratch in your snatch?" "You're picking up what I'm laying down, you clever lipped stud muffin sex machine. How are things with your new silver fox sugar daddy?!" "He's the new love of my life that I know will be over soon..." "Admit it do you? That's brave. What do you mean, will be over soon? The silver fox or your life??' "Both..."

He was slithering about the event working people up with his words, like a hissing snake in the grass, hustling the room for money, with his new found honey by his side.  I slunk in the front door in my ruby red revenge shoes, arriving fashionable late with a gorgeously mad woman in her killer dress and a rack that is stacked by my side. "Let's go start some shit!" She screamed in the parking lot.  "Oh fuck, his ride is here..." I yelled back. "Jesus Christ Ryan, who the fuck cares!? Fuck him and the ride he rode in on, and fuck his new creep of a jeep, his new dicked down Joe!" "You're right sweetie, let's go give them a show!" Turned out we were all putting on a show that night, with half of the most popular people in town, booked up stuffed shirts throwing money around, all dancing about the floor, making a fuss and sloshing back booze, bidding on local art raising funds for the museum. It promised to be a sloppy night, a sexy and ...

 He looked out at his tree.  "That's a thirsty birch tree." He said. "Well then, you'd better go feed that thirsty bitch of a tree..." And then he laughed at me. "You're a clever bitch of a man, well versed in language I see. I'll just go water that thirsty little birch tree..."

 hello My Love! Just letting you know that I am going to make dinner around 7:30, so you are welcome to join us. Actually it might not be until closer to eight, cuz I will start preparing around 7:00. Not that my reasoning matters to you, see! I even babble when I invite you to dinner! grrr! `~` Anyway. If you're home, you can come, or you can always reheat when you get home. okay, I luv ya, buh-bye!

 Ryan, I know you are going through a rough patch right now, I can see how much you are hurting. But under all that pain, I can see so much beauty within you. The way you healed your wounds, instead of spreading the pain, makes you beautiful. The passion in your eyes when you talk about what you love is what makes you beautiful. Your reality, in a world where everyone is trying to be something they're not, makes you beautiful. The way you treat everyone else like friends you haven't met yet makes you beautiful. Your commitment to celebrating the parts of yourself you've been taught to judge is what makes you beautiful. Your willingness to give to others without keeping track makes you beautiful. The way you remain kind, even when the world is unfair to you, makes you beautiful. The way you go through life, with a heart full of love, makes you beautiful. Always remember that the pain you go through makes you beautiful, too. I love you.  Tom 

He stood on the porch, in the dark, cast only in silhouette under the moonlight, surrounded by his usual cigarette smoke. "You know Ryan, I've got some good friends in this town, and they all love me. And they all love you, too. You know that right?" "Yes." "Look at me. A big ol' queer in this little ass town. And look what I've got..." "What have you got?" "I've got you..." It was then that I knew he thought of me as a possession, a prize, a piece of flesh he could flaunt as his own, here in his small town. 

 "Happy Easter my handsome devil. Did you sleep well?" I awoke in the nude, under smooth silk sheets, stretching my arms deep under the down pillow beneath my head. "Mmm, yes sir, I sure did. I wonder if this is how Jesus felt when he rose on the third day?" "Well, I'm not sure about that, but you sure had me feeling like Jesus last night, you crucified me in the loveliest of ways under the moonlight. Will you be my savior again tonight??" "Why, yes of course I will!"

  7/12/04 Ryan - I know I just wrote you, but as a part of who I am, there is more I need to say. Ryan, I love you; more than you want, and more than I want. I don't mean to scare you, I know you don't want to be too serious, and I don't either. I don't want you to think I expect marriage or promises, I don't. All I expect is for you to be able to hug me. To be able to be near me without pushing me away. I wish it didn't, but you don't realize how bad it hurts. I know I'm childish and have childish ideas, but I do and I am. I can't help it, but I have this idea of 'my curse.' I cannot keep a boyfriend for more than four months. I know it is a silly superstition, but I can't help it. In ten days it will be four months. If I didn't feel like it was indefinitely going to end, I doubt it would be so hard. You asked me once if even knowing that it will end, would it still be worth it to make it last as long as possible. I thought about it ...

"Oh hey look, it's Lance." "You know that guy huh?" "Yes I do. I had a brief one night hook up with him. Until I found out he cheated with me and had a boyfriend..." "I wonder if it was the same boyfriend he beat up with a golf club. It was in the paper and everything." "What?! I didn't know that!!" "Yeah, he's also the reason the Firenze place closed down, he was embezzling money from there..." "What the hell?! He seemed like such a nice guy when I was with him. Guess it goes to show you never really know someone..." "True. You never do..."

Dear Ryan, I like you. Do you like Reese and Michael? I don't like any of them. I had to help Micheal with his spelling words. On the mystery pictures, November 7 is an Indian. Have you got any names on the board yet? I've got 2 because Miss Brown didn't think I was working cause I didn't have paper. Your friend, Travis Guthrie 

He created the game of games. A game only he could win. A game everyone else wanted to play, but one only he could win. So he created this game of games and then everyone else played, and won, then lost one and won one. Until there was only one left. Then he had to begin again, playing the game, the game of games everyone wanted to play, but could only lose. The game of one.

There is no greater love than that I have for you, and it is a love I never thought possible. My greatest wish is that despite all else, someday I will have the chance to really be with you, to share all the love I have for you, which is much more than a lifetime supply. I know it's a big wish, but you are the world to me so I have nothing more to lose if I don't try. Always Remember, I Love You.               ~ Katie Jean Krammer

  Ryan: thank you so much for being so nice to me. Especially here at the end of the semester. I am extremely stressed and irritable, and you have put up with a lot from me. You are just a really nice guy and make me smile, even when I don't want to. Thanks! XO Katie

10-11-06 Ryan! Hello my dearest! This cannot be a long letter because I need to go to work, but I wanted to write you anyway. I hope, by the time you get this, that your boss has called, or you have called him. I hate to hear you so sad, and I know that would help. If things don't work out in Asheville though, you know you are more than welcome to join me! *wink wink* I have to say that I love being able to (at least a little) feel the spirit again! It makes such a difference being able to start each day, with You, Me and God! You are so wonderful and strong, and I am so proud of you!  I wish this could be longer but I will try again later! I love you!  Katie Krammer

"I've been reading your blogs, Ryan, and I must say you certainly do have a way with words, so stinking talented..." "Well, thank you. Perhaps I'll blog about that."

 "Hey Ryan, I know you aren't scheduled to work this weekend. But if we need you, can we call you?" "Absolutely not, no. I plan on being knuckle deep in a few things..." "Oh yeah? Do those things have names??" "Maybe. But you'll never know..."

 "I'm sorry, but Mary wasn't immaculately concepted, she was artificially inseminated. Jesus is an alien!"

 "You're the lemon man of my life, Ryan. Say 'cheese!' My cake is going in the oven!"  "I love a man who can bake, especially lemon cheesecake!"

He was so full of himself, His self he was so full of. He became so sick of himself,  He was so suddenly, So suddenly, So suddenly sick, So sick of himself.  R.L.J.

He kept giving me blank stares, as I was caught unawares. His blank and dreamy stares always caught me unaware. What an awful waste of time his blank unaware stares were, when I was caught so unaware.

 "Who's gonna spill all the juicy deeds once you stop blogging all the juicy deeds here at Blair's?" "What makes you think I'll ever stop spilling the juicy deeds, for it's totally worth all the reads, the juicy deeds..."

He had this thing, this sweet and sexy thing. He liked jockstraps with socks, and the sweet sexy smells that came with socks and cocks in jocks. And I found it hot, too. For nothing felt better than we did, when we both wore socks and jocks. We with our socks and jocks getting our rocks off...

 November 5, 2006 My Dearest Darlingest Sweetheart, Hello My Love! I just got off the phone with you... you are cute! I talk to you all the time so I have been neglecting writing you, sorry. Letters mean so much more! I am so excited to be with you and see your apartment! We will definitely have to snuggle by the fireplace... and possibly... you know, for old times sake! Who knows, maybe we can wash your car while I'm in town too! Really though, I am way excited to see Asheville! I want to see so much, the trip won't be long enough! I want to see the city, all the little cafés and coffee shops. Maybe I will bring a nice dress and we could go out while I'm there... it's a thought. I would be perfectly happy no matter what we do! I should probably take the time to look for a job while I'm there, but who knows! I have to get up and go teach tomorrow... blah! It is way more bearable to know that the end is near though. I think I am going to have the concert on December ...

He told me last night, “I can see you’re trying to smile but it’s not real, the smile in your eyes is gone...”

I woke up from a hard afternoon nap screaming, "happy anniversary baby!" But he wasn't there. Another year without him. 

 "My door is always open. Unless the lights are on and I'm obviously not answering, then I'm probably busy doing something I shouldn't be..."

I've always been a homebody. I've always felt most myself when I'm at home, busy with home matters. Cooking, cleaning, tidying up and making sure everything felt exactly like home.  And yet, home has always been something that was just out of reach for me. Ever since I left my childhood home, a real home has been something I couldn't find, no matter how hard I looked. I always felt like a gypsy, building one home, just to burn it down and go on the road to find another one.  And as fate would have it, another home would always be there waiting for me, despite the chaos of life. A home was always there for me. A place where I found peace and quiet.

There was a day he had forgotten his precious medications. It was a day he couldn't too soon forget without his precious forgotten medications.

He always felt he was sleeping with ghosts, Sweet, sexy ghosts from his past. Sent to spend the night with him, In the night with him, With he and his sins. R.L.J.

 He hid behind the tree, far across the park from me. A park where once we fell in love, walking and talking of so many things. Behind the very tree where once we spread a picnic blanket, complete with basket. There we ate fresh strawberries and sushi. Now he hid behind that tree, from me, where he thought I couldn't see.

To think how impossible his life would become, when he would have not just one wife, but two. Then two glorious children, born of the best, most beautiful wife, yet taken from him midlife. Then one beautiful boy of a man, whom was loved so deeply, gone and taken, by the beautiful boy forsaken. Then came a stellar steal man among men, a man who became impossible, an impossible man, not so possible. Then a tremendously tender man, perhaps the last and finest love of his life, one who seemed to be the most impossible of all, so far...

"Tell me your deepest, darkest secret, Ryan." "I have no secrets left, I've confessed them all." "Are you sure?" "Yes..." "You lie Ryan. You'll be a slave to your secrets the rest of your life."

 "You are such a day dreamer Ryan. How is that going to do you any good in this world?!" "I believe in my day dreams, the dreams I have with my eyes wide open, where my brain is on fire, these are the dreams that keep me alive. And someday, these day dreams of mine will come true, you wait and see..."

"I can see why you prefer to watch all these classic movies, the black and the white, it's not quite reality, it's a safe place to be. You probably prefer that to reality, don't you?" "Yes I do. How perceptive of you..."

 "Your nipples look so lonely here in the dark..." "They've been waiting here for you all night..." "Then I'd better pay them special attention..." "Yes, please do."

"So, 'whiny baby poopy pants' Jesse is such a little snitch. Everything you tell him, he runs to Brandon and tells him. Have you ever noticed that??" "Yes..." "And Brandon is just as bad, everything you tell him he runs to Jesse. They are both such whiny babies..." "They are bosom buddies, I think it's cute." "They are so far up each other's ass they might as well be fisting each other..." 

"I'll leave the front door unlocked for you..." Sure enough, I found the door unlocked and I entered quietly. The rooms were lit lightly, romantically.  "Hello...?"  No answer. So I tread lightly through his immaculately decorated home, one that smelled of jasmine and cedarwood. I heard the faint sound of running water, as if a small stream was running somewhere. I followed the sound to the back door, which was open. There on the patio I found him lounging in the nude, draped lightly in blankets, reclined on pillows with an inviting smile stretched across his face. "Hello handsome, I've been waiting for you." "This is the best, sexy surprise. In my wild imagination I imagined a scenario exactly like this, and here you are, a fantasy come true. Let me undress and grab a glass of wine and I'll be right with you..."

"Gather around, and let me tell you of a fantasy, an enchantment that only obeys your every wish. In a land many many miles east of nowhere lies a place that's so wonderful, so mysterious, so bewildering and so tempting, that to visit would be beyond your wildest dreams. It's not a place you can get to by a automobile or a train. For this land can be anything, or anywhere you want it to be. Wicked, lonely, full of sorrow, or wondrous, enchanting, or whatever you'd desire to fill it with. For only you and you alone will be responsible for what takes place in this realm, either disastrous or glorious. Within every day that your existence is present upon this earth you are constructing and building an empire that will name you King. Every step you take, every move you make, every glance you give and every word you speak will build your empire. Brick by brick, wall by wall, city by city. Do not fear this place or try to destroy it. Suicide could never eliminate it, for whe...

He felt his life slipping away from him. No, not slipping away, it was being sucked away. Sucked away by a man who claimed to love him. He didn't love him, he only wanted to own him, to suck the life from him, to consume him and to ultimately destroy him. He knew then that he needed to escape. So he devised a plan...

 He held out his breath with a weak hope that the man he once loved would once again hold out his hand to him. He was met with a cold hand shake instead, where once there was a friendly, fresh and cold milkshake. 

 "I used to get turned on by the slightest things, the wind would change and I'd get an erection. This would happen in all the strangest places. I'd be walking down the hall at school and I'd have to press my books against my crotch to hide the bulge in my pants."

 "Hey Ryan, did you hear that 'Crusty Karen' going off about how her grocery money is going towards Brandon's new truck?" "Nope." "She was being a total bitch about it. I'm gonna go tell him about it right now..." "Yeah, go get her!"

"Hey Timmy, this corn dog was left at self checkout, it's still fresh and warm, you want it??" "Shut up, Ryan, why don't you go 'corn dog it!'" "Whoa, ok, grumpy ass. If you find a stale corn dog in your drawer come Monday morning, you'll know who put it there...!"

"I'm having a 'fuck it Friday'! Stay out of my way!! I gave my last fuck away yesterday, and today I'm gonna punch a bitch!!!"

"In my heart of hearts, the one I keep locked away where no one can find it, I hope we will find each other again. Not in dreams or memories or echos, but like we were before the world split us apart. I don't pretend to know what awaits us after this life, but I'd like to believe he is somewhere safe and soft, where he's not hurting and time cannot touch him. Maybe he's tracing the constellations with his fingers, naming the stars. Hopefully keeping a space beside him, a quiet place I can fill when I arrive. It hasn't been easy, walking without him, breathing through the heartache. I still carry his name in the hollow of my chest, and most days that's enough to keep me going. And if that space is real and if love is stronger than sad endings, he'll know by the beat of my heart long before he sees my face. For maybe we aren't done, we are just far apart..."

 "Hey, Ryan, do you know if we carry Yum Yum Sauce?" "Um, Yum Yum Sauce...?" "Yeah, you know, like Yum Yum Sauce for like chicken and stuff..." "I don't know what kind of Yum Yum Sauce you're looking for, but I know we carry Bang Bang Sauce. Is Yum Yum Sauce anything like Bang Bang Sauce...???" "Yum Yum and Bang Bang Sauces are in the Oriental Section. But we don't carry Yum Yum, just Bang Bang..." "So just Bang Bang, but no Yum Yum. Very helpful, thank you!"

Ryan Jevne 3/24/97 Autobiography English 3                                               A Glimpse of Me     I sit here and think of me, not too interesting. I sit here and think, "what have I done with my life, what choices have I made to make me, me?" Well life goes so quickly, and those precious moments of life slip by, but will be held in my heart forever. I grew up so fast and went through those tough and confusing childhood years and now I slow down and wonder, "who am I?" and "what am I?" Those questions can be pretty scary, and the answers, horrifying. I try to live my life so my autograph will be wanted more than my fingerprints. I want to be remembered.     There's an awful lot to a person than just what meets the eye. I'm a lot deeper than most people think I am. I see myself as no other possibly could. On the outside, I'm ...

  8-29-05 Ryan, Hey honey! The kids are at recess and I have nothing to work on. I hope your day is going well. Sounds like you had a pretty full day. At least rehearsals haven't started yet. I don't know how you are going to do it. I guess I am pretty spoiled now with only working 8 hours and no classes. Maybe now I will get my house clean, there really is no excuse for it being so messy. I am planning on doing laundry tonight, but I also have choir at 7:30. Well, the bell rang, I better go! ❤️ You! ~ Katie ~

 Ryan : Hi my Love!! I am waiting for Mom & Moo to get here, so I thought I would write you a note! I will probably call you tonight, but don't forget that you can call me. :) I hope you have a good weekend. Relax, get a break from the midget! If I can, I will get you a SURPLISE! It might be too crazy down there though. Angie is about to POP!! She's already dilated to a 4! Bekah's water broke before she even hit a 2! Crazy how it works. That would be cool if I could see my niece though. Yay, cute babies! Well, I should eat breakfast. Hey, speaking of which, maybe I can get more of Mom's Jam. Yummy! Okay well, I love you, and hope you have a good 4 days! I will see you on Thursday I hope!  XO! Katie K.

 - Ryan - I hope you feel better this morning! If not, maybe this will help! XO ~             Katie

To My Lovely Husband! I hope you know how much I appreciate all you do and how happy I am with you! I may not always feel happy about work or my surroundings, but I am very happy with you! I can't wait to be settled in our new home, making love to you on the balcony! Love you forever! ~ Katie

He said he wanted to meet up somewhere. Somewhere semi public yet private. He made it clear he wasn't out, only curious.  "Let's just meet up and see if there is anything there, you know, any sexual chemistry..." "Sure, yeah, I know what you mean. Where would you feel comfortable meeting?" "There's this corner bar, the one with the airplane on the outside. You know the one, I'm sure. Let's meet there..." "Deal." I agreed.  I awaited him while I sipped on a cold frothy beer. He slipped onto the bar stool next to me. "Hey, let's go outside and chat, it's too stuffy in here..." He glanced sideways at me, cocked his head, winked his eye, grinned a sweet grin and licked his lips.  We found our way into a dark alley. "So?" He asked. "You feel anything?" "Yes." I confessed.  "Good, so do I. I feel it right here..." He grabbed my wrist, pushing my hand against his crotch, where...

 "Hey Ryan, what are you going to do with that extra virgin coconut oil??" "Later tonight after I shower I'm going to slather it all over my body..." "Oh, hey, that reminds me of this lady who does TikTok and she has makeup tutorials but she also tells stories about real life horror. She tells this tale about a man that is abducted by another man and is taken out into the woods in Germany and is slathered with this oil that turns him into a werewolf..." "Yeah, slather that werewolf oil all over me... Slather is a great word, huh?!" "Yes it is...!!"

He kneeled before me, we both in the raw. He begged me to piss in his mouth. Being aroused as I was I found it hard to create a satisfying stream with my girthy member. But I found the experiment in piss play quite exhilarating, so I let it flow, down into his eager mouth and onto his sexy slender chest.

"Forget today she would say, for today would soon be another day..."

I side eyed glanced at her, She had tears in her eyes.  "I lost someone I loved today..."  Her eyes said today. 

He was my silver swan, A silver swan of a man.  A silver swan born of woman, Born to love a man. R.L.J.

We had paradise, with only a wall between us. For a few short years we shared our paradise, a paradise of mornings with coffee, and afternoons with sweet sexy release. A paradise now lost.

"You'll only find that one thing saves you in the end, and that will be the good book, Ryan..." "I've read the good book, I studied it for four years in high school Seminary. The good book is a book of aligorical stories, told for generations with the aim to bring peace to the hearts of men who fear death and hell. I've been beyond death, and I've been to hell. There is nothing to fear there. For you see, we are all saved in the end, regardless of the chaos of life, death or hell..."

"I don't believe in time travel, it's impossible..." "You've got a time machine in your pocket, silly girl, just pull it out and you can go any time and any place you wish..."

"Time is a river Ryan, and I wish you could see what is coming..."

Dear Ryan, So how do you like being Star of the Week? I hope I become the Star of the Week next week. So let's get down to business. What is your favorite color? Mine is black if you don't already know. Oh, and what is your favorite food? Mine is steak. Here is the last question. What is your favorite car? Mine is a Rolls Royce. Well, I have to go now, so bye bye. Your friend, Martin

"These are perilous and confusing times, it's so sad that all of you have no idea what is really happening. You all think that the world is going to get better, but it will not. Things may seem to get better when the orange faced man appears. He'll claim he's going to save this once great nation, but he will not. He'll declare himself a god, but he'll be the Antichrist, plunging the world into chaos, despair and misery..."

"So what happened with your charmed golden sloth? Did the man that stole it return it to you?" "Yes he did." "What did you do with it? Did you burn it??" "I can't tell you that. Let's just say it's been tended to, and the man that stole it has met with some very unfortunate mishaps..."

"I've always imagined meeting someone like you, someone just like you..." "What do you mean, exactly?" "I mean, you wanted to know all about me, you wanted to know about my past, you wanted to understand me. But more than anything, you wanted to understand me so you knew how I needed to be loved."

He found a sticky note with another man's name and number on it. We'd been together for nearly a year.  "Get thee behind me Satan..." He uttered. "It's a silly little sticky note, silly man, you've nothing to fear. I love you, you know that..." But there was still something there, a jealous side glance that said he didn't quite trust that statement.

Hey Ryan, I've been editing our favorite chapter so far, the one where the villain is semi stalking you in the grocery store and all of your 'minions' are helping you avoid him.  There's a section in here where you go into the history as to how he became your villain. I find it fascinating. I find him more entertaining than your hero actually, because he really isn't a villain, more of an antagonist. He wasn't really the bad guy, he cast himself that way in your story and you wrote him that way.  It's not as if he emerged from darkness or emptiness, rather he was shaped by the circumstances he was in and by the wounds inflicted by you and the world around him. He reflects depths of human pain, misunderstanding, loneliness and rejection.  Your hero is defined by acts of bravery. But your villain is the result of a heart that was pure and true, but ended up broken and corrupted. You see, the villain, in his beautiful tragedy displays what can happen to all of ...

"Every time I try to talk to your mom, I mean really talk, about things that really matter, she'll never quite get down to the heart of matters. I feel like there's a little girl trapped inside her, screaming..."

"That son of mine is such a butt sucker, he always has been. He's butt sucking now, but you should've seen him with his other boss. Before his boss crashed his plane into a mountain and killed himself and his son. He took it so hard. But not as hard as when his best friend committed suicide..."

 It was 4:10 somewhere. He had just finished work. He thought to himself, "I wonder if he's published another blog?" So he checked, disappointed again. So he read the last juicy one, over again. 

"You know, Ryan, it's acceptable to be vulnerable and weak sometimes. And every once in a good while, have a good old fashioned breakdown. You can't be strong all the time, you know. Everyone says to stay strong, hold on, keep pushing... but no one knows the weight of your struggles. Or the battles of silence you fight, or the tears your wipe away when you're alone. Or the pain you carry behind that brave smile. Only you understand. Just remember, in the midst of your suffering, you are stronger than you know. Your resilience is greater than your pain. And some day, the battle you’re fighting today will become the victory story you tell tomorrow..."

When you are a child, it's about every last minute you can get, every last minute of this and that and everything. It's about the magic in the moments and making every moment matter.  Then we grow up and we lose that sense of now, the magic in all the moments that really matter. We spend more time waiting for the moments to pass than we do appreciating them.

I was backstage. It must have been a dream. The curtain was up and the show had just begun, actors were rushing into places. I was in costume and she was by my side. I had no idea where I was, what show I was in, or where my place was... "Are you ready, Ryan? This is your night, you've worked so hard for this, you're going to be wonderful!" She kissed me on the forehead and placed a prop dagger blade in my hand, pushing me out on to the stage, into the spotlight...

"Ryan, if you keep behaving as you do, sooner or later you're going to lose everyone and end up all alone. You are so God damned impossible to deal with sometimes!!" "Who am I going to lose, if in my worst moments I am always alone...?!"

"You've got some lusciously voluptuous lips, Ryan. They seem strangely familiar, like I've seen them somewhere before, and I can't quite place where..." "Oh, yeah? I wonder where that was...??" "I've got it, I remember!!" "Where??" "In a Caravaggio painting... you've got Caravaggio Lips...!!!"

When my grandfather died, I invited you to attend the funeral with me. You declined as was your usual style, saying you just wouldn't feel right there, by my side where I'd rather you be. You lacked the emotional depth it required to understand how much having you there with me would actually mean to me.  So instead you let me wear your cream colored shirt and houndstooth tight pants, with some smooth black loafers. And for extra comfort, your cologne, Santal 33. These articles and scent were a poor replacement for you, but brought me comfort in my grief. They were the next best things to having you there with me. Years later, I still wear the cologne you once gave me, The Noir 29. It still reminds me of you. When I miss you, I wear it, closing my eyes as I lift my shirt and inhale the scent that I wear near my heart, where you used to be.

"If I ever go missing, you'll know who did it..." "How? How are we going to know who murdered Ryan...?!?" "You'll know if you read my blog, silly..."