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"The One"

 7-5-06

Hey Honey!

Sorry I was so cranky earlier today. It's just that sometimes I feel like this job is way too much for me to handle. I try really hard, but Mac is so temperamental and Allison will barely let me touch her most of the time.

I don't want you to think it is all bad though. Mac and I usually get along really well, like when we play trains, or go grocery shopping...

7-8-06 12pm

Wow, I guess I am busy, can't even finish a letter... A lot has happened this week with Allison stuck home. I very much wonder if I should quit, especially on those days. But on the good days, it's hard for me to let myself just give up.

Even if I did leave though, I don't know what I would do. I feel bad because I reopened my profile on enannysource.com. This time though I put temp job nanny. I also called that private school in Utah to see about the job there. I don't know what I will do.

Truth is, I would love to be with you. If I thought it would work, I would be willing to just live with you or by you and be your girlfriend forever. But you have always told me that one day, I will want more, and I believe that day is coming closer. Every time I hear that your Mom or Dad wants us to be near each other again and together again, I wish I always could.

Everyone always says that when you meet "that person" you will know. Well, I haven't had any great epiphany, but I do know this:

I know that when I am with you I want to be a better person, cleaner, neater, kinder, more patient, less domineering... you help me to be who I want to be. 

I also know that I am comfortable with you. You know me better than anyone.

I feel that there is a balance with us, we keep each other from going insane, not that we don't provoke insanity sometimes. 

Religion is a nice happy medium with you too. You are not overwhelmingly good, but you have knowledge and sincerity about you. I don't feel bad going or not going to church when I am with you.

I know that I am not, nor will I ever be anything like Rita for you. But I do love you. I would give you everything I could to make you happy if you let me.

I don't "know" that you are "the one," but I know that I don't want anyone else!

I love you, sorry I rambled.

❤️ love,

        Katie

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