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"Ryan, what is your secret weapon? How do you deal with so many people all the time? People love you so much, even when they seem to hold so much hate..." "Well, my tried and true way to deal with most people is to feel them out, charm them and then disarm them with my silly and sick sense of humor. You see, if you can make someone laugh you've already won half the battle..."

"I'm taking too many chances lately, Doctor Dorothy. I'm taking more risks, too. I'm really putting myself out there, with people and in situations. I'm not the person I used to be. Someone who knew me a year ago wouldn't know me anymore. It feels dangerous, but powerful at the same time..." "Well, I think that's brave, Ryan. One day, you won't be here. Neither will you doubts, your worries, or the people you tried to impress. That shouldn't be depressing. It should be liberating. Go ahead and take the risk and say what you really feel. Do the things you keep putting off, because the real fear isn't failure. It's lying on your deathbed, surrounded by the ghosts of chances you never took..."

Tender Tommy talked with me about so many things, and I simply adored the sound of his voice. It was deep and endearing, soft yet strong, soothing and absolutely sexy. He could talk for hours and I'd never tire of it, I found comfort and prowess in his voice.  He told me once about his younger days when he'd stretch out bare naked upon the back of a horse, looking up into the star lit night sky, finding pleasure in his palm in the dark pasture.

"Damn it Ryan, everyone I meet today is pissing me off, irritating the hell out of me, why is this happening to me...??" "Can't you see, silly girl, everyone you meet is you, in a different body, teaching you about yourself..."

Ryan and Joe, Hey you two, just had to ask you something... 'What the hell do you think I am, tall?!?!' I'm not a monkey, or Heidi. Ha Ha, that's not funny! ❤️ you guys  Sandi 

Dear Ryan, I hope you have a fun night. I know it's gonna be hard, but you can do it, I swear. I will see you in the AM @ 5. I swear Joe ain't mean. He is a really good worker, so I know you will be trained good. So I guess I will see you. Heart + U B•F•F• ❤️ ~ Margret P.S. Just ask Joe what you can eat!

RyRy, I came to see you. You must not be awake. The cockles of my heart are frozen over. I have to go see an apartment at 3. If you wake up before then, come see me. ❤️ Sandi

  Joe Joe and RyRy Hey, when you feed the kittie the food, pour the cat food over the meat. Look on the counter, you see it? Well, thank you guys, have a good night!! Love,    Sandi Call me!! Can you put my roast in @ 200° at 3am Drop a rack thank you

 RyRy & Joe Joe Hey you two!! Well I hope you guys have a great night. But, hey, there are two bowls in the reach in, one milk and one chicken. Could you please put it out for the kittie? Just so it can have something to eat, if you can, just put it out when you get here. Thank you so much!  ❤️ you both Thanks for everything you do in the kitchen, you two are the best!! ❤️ Sandi Cheeks

"Don't you love me?" Allen asked. "No, I don't love you!" Replied the wicked hearted Ryan. Allen frowned and clasped his hands together as he did whenever he felt hurt. "See?" Replied the wicked hearted Ryan again. "Now you're going to start asking yourself what makes you so imperfect and what did you do wrong so that I can't love you at least a little. You know, that's why I can't love you. You will not always be loved Allen, there will be days when others will be tired and bored with life, will have their heads in the clouds, and will hurt you. Because people are like that, they somehow always end up hurting each other's feelings, whether through carelessness, misunderstanding, or conflicts with themselves. If you don't love yourself, at least a little, if you don't create an armor of self-love and happiness around your heart, the feeble annoyances caused by others will become lethal and will destroy you. The firs...

 I used to know him, I'm not that he anymore. I lost him somewhere in my trying. He died holding on, Then he was born in the letting go. I found him again in the loss. Now he is someone you'll never know. R.L.J.

"Why do we get attached to others, Doctor Dorothy? I find myself getting attached to others so easily. And not just to people, but also to places and things. The feelings of attachment feel comfortable and dangerous at the same time. I love being attached, but I hate it at the same time. Sometimes I wish I were free of all these attachments. Sometimes I wish I could fly away from them all, like a bird. To be free of these attachments would be so liberating. Do you understand Doctor...??" "I do, Ryan. Yes I do. We don't become attached because we're weak or desperate. We become attached because we're human. Every attachment you've ever formed, from the person who ghosted you after three amazing dates to the relationship you couldn't release even though deep down you knew it wasn't right, was your attempt at feeling safe, loved, and in control. But attachment isn't just about romantic relationships. It's also the job you cling to because you...

"If we never cross paths again, I want you to know that I regret nothing. I may have said I did at a weak moment, but I do not look back on any of our time together as time wasted. I want to remember the way we fell into alignment like planets in orbit, the way we sank into each other with all the ease of clouds merging, the way holding and kissing you felt like being lit from within. If we never see each other again, I hope you remember me as someone who loved you fiercely, who made you feel like no one else can, who took care of your heart while carving out a place of my own. I hope that when you let yourself think of me something about my memory will always feel like home..."

"I want you to know, that if anything should ever happen to me that you'll be taken care of. You'll never have to worry about anything again. Should I go, there are papers in the bottom drawer, and a special letter I wrote just for you..."

"He's coming back to town you know. I'll be sitting at his table this year. I'll have to stomach him for one night I suppose..." "Why is he coming back, what business does he have here anymore??" "Because he's a big fish in a little pond here, and his ego needs feeding I suppose..."

 He'd been to the brink of death, Then back again, More times than he cared to face. So he sat down to write final notes, To few loved ones who remained, With pen and paper tear stained. One letter to a beloved woman, One to the man he loved so dearly. And then he placed them, Where they'd soon be surely found, Upon the afternoon of his death. R.L.J.

"I've become a master of dissociation, Doctor Dorothy. If anything triggers in me a deep emotion that I simply cannot deal with, I dissociate. I just simply go numb to it. I check out mentally and ignore all sense of emotion related with the triggering event. It's a defense mechanism. It's the only way I know of to protect my fragile psyche from being damaged more than it can stand to be damaged any further. It may seem cruel, but I don't know how else to cope..." "I understand Ryan. Dissociation is a mental process that disconnects your thoughts, memory, and sense of identity. Often triggered by trauma or intense stress. You'll feel unreal, detached from yourself and have a blurred sense of identity. You'll check out of reality for a moment. It's exactly as you say, your mind is protecting itself from further trauma. Your mind and spirit are just not built for what you've had to go through, that's all. Trauma, like the kind you've...

"There’s something eternal between us, something that never really ends. We’ve met before, in echoes, in dreams, in the quiet ache of the stars. Each time we find each other, we pretend it’s the first. Each time we part, the void holds our promise to return. You, me, and the silence that breathes between galaxies, we are infinitely constant. We drift, we dissolve, we become everything and nothing. Somewhere beyond beginnings and endings, we will meet again, at the void..."

Brother Ryan Luke Jevne, in the name of our Savior Jesus Christ, by the authority of the holy priesthood which I bear, and by further authority of having been ordained patriarch in the Asheville stake of Zion, I now place my hands upon your head and give you your patriarchal blessing. Brother Jevne, our Heavenly Father is pleased that you have come this day to receive further guidance through your patriarchal blessing. He is pleased that you have accepted the calling that you have in the church, that you are doing your best to help reactivate members who at this time are not active in the church. Many are not living the gospel, but as you and others in the elders quorum do your best to get these people to come back to church you will have success in this great endeavor. You will be blessed with other callings in the church in your life. I bless you to know that your Heavenly Father is also pleased that you have come to this area of the country which those of us here call the mission fi...

 ❤️  Ryan I love your face and butt Kat 😃 

 Ryan,  Thanks for the bootch, Ya coochie cooch! J. 

"I spend so much time alone, in silence, Doctor Dorothy. I find I prefer it in a world were everyone is so busy, loud, distracted and preoccupied. I find the silence addicting in some ways. Time alone is something I need. No, not need. Crave. What do you feel this could mean...??" "In moments when darkness surrounds you and companionship feels scarce, hold onto the belief that you are never truly alone. Embracing periods of silence and self reflection can illuminate your path once more. You have not been forsaken. Rather, you have been granted the opportunity to reconnect with your true self. Use this time to nurture your spirit and explore the depths of your being, for within you lie the answers you seek. These insights will not stem from others' opinions but will emerge from your own heart. As you journey back to your essence, you will rise renewed, radiating strength, confidence, and resilience. Time alone in the dark can often lead us back into the light......

Break an leg. Love you. T. Cat

He stood on the porch, embraced by the moonlight and the haze of cigarette smoke. "Sure, I could have a fancy house with all the finest things. But I'd prefer to enjoy life..." And by "enjoy life," he meant that instead of a fancy home and fine things, he'd rather indulge in temporary delights like booze and smokes.  This was the kind of man he was, he didn't want anything that truly lasted, only momentary things.

He stepped on stage. A magical space of pretending, where he could be another man. Another man in another space and another time. It was only then that he believed that once he stood on stage he could see life, life itself, through different eyes.

"You are familiar with Maslow's hierarchy of needs, right? You studied psychology. It's a psychological theory that proposes humans are motivated to fulfill a series of five needs, often depicted as a pyramid, from basic survival to self fulfillment. The hierarchy includes physiological needs, like eating and drinking. There are safety needs, love and belonging, friendship, intimacy, esteem, self respect, recognition and self actualization. Lower level needs must be satisfied before a person can focus on higher level ones..."  "Yes, that's all well and fine. But self actualization requires self destruction. The old self must be destroyed for the new self to emerge. Most people aren't willing to destroy who they've been. So they never become who they could be. Destroy the old. Build the new. Destruction is creation. So Maslow's hierarchy of needs is bullshit. One must deny themselves to become who they truly are, or need to be. Don't you see......

"I don't mind telling you my dear, that you'll find me in my own home a most disagreeable man. You see, I'm spoiled. I live alone and I always have it my own way, for there's no one here to tell me otherwise..."

"My God, this has been one hell of a day! It seems that everything is going wrong. I should've just stayed home all day. The universe is against me all day, I know it...!!" "My dear boy, have you ever heard of the burned toast theory?" "No, I haven't not. But I don't see how burned toast has anything to do with me having the worst day ever..." "The burnt toast theory states that every time you burn your toast, miss an exit, miss your flight, or get stuck in traffic, you're actually being delayed for a reason. You are being redirected to a different path. What feels like an inconvenience is actually protecting you from something unseen. Even if you don't get where you wanted to go, you will always end up where you are meant to be. Trust the process. Sometimes the toast needs to burn, or everything needs to go wrong to place you exactly where you're supposed to be. Do you understand?" "I do now, yes. All those things ha...

"I have a confession, Doctor Dorothy. Sometimes when I'm really angry, I just want to hurt the ones who have hurt me..." "That's a natural feeling, it's called revenge, and it doesn't fix a single thing." "Well then, what's the best thing to do if I have an angry heart, Doctor?" "Become something they are not, become the opposite of them. For you see angry people hurt because they are hurting. You mustn't continue the cycle." "How do I do that?" "The next time you become angry and want to hurt someone, think of the times when someone hurt you, and choose to do the opposite instead..."

 She danced with Ryan, Another Ryan, For her husband was a Ryan, too. Yet tonight she danced, In the land of make believe, Where Ryan was her King, A Ryan far beyond her dreams. Here in the land of Theater, Where dreams come true.  R.L.J.

 "It was wicked cold outside this morning..." "Oh yeah, Ryan? How cold was it...??" "Well, it was so damn cold that when I stepped outside my 'boys' went back inside..."

Will you please hold my hand for a little while? I don't need saving and I don't need fixing. I don't need you to carry my burdens. Just simply hold my hand. I won’t ask for words, nor thoughts, nor a shoulder to lean on. Just sit with me for a while, as my tears fall and my heart aches, as my mind plays its' cruel games. Will your presence remind me that I am not alone, even as I wander through the unknown? My darkness is mine to face, my pain is mine to bear, my wounds are mine to heal. Will you sit beside me, as I gather the courage to meet it all? For I shine because of my shadows. I am whole because of my fractures. I am strong because of my tenderness. Will you gently take my hand when I walk through the dark once more? I don’t ask you to take my pain away. I don’t expect you to bring the light, for I know only I can mend what is broken. Please sit with me for a little while, hold my hand until I find my way. I would love that more than words can say. So, please w...

"Doctor Dorothy. You don't understand. I must heal first. I cannot love again until I'm healed inside..." "Ryan, that isn't necessarily true. Healing isn't something that must be done prior to loving. Healing is found in places of love, we heal with love. You will begin to heal when you choose people who are safe to walk through the healing with you. Those people will remind you that you're still worth loving as you heal along the way..."

They both were duos, Royalty in fact. Both born for the stage, But not for the final act. They were Kings and Queens, Dueling Royalty.  Fate decided who would play, Who and when. So nights were placed within a bowl, To decide which King and Queen, Would play the final show. R.L.J.

"Well, hello Frank. Haven't seen you for awhile." "I've been to California and back to see friends, family and the grandkids." "Nice. Are you here for your usual? Copenhagen Long Cut and some Black Velvet?" "You know me too well..." "Coming right up..." "Thank you Ryan..." "Have you talked with Steven, or seen him lately?" "No. He doesn't talk to me. He was here for the Barbecue and Bluegrass Festival but didn't bother to see me. When we talk he won't listen. He's worse than a woman, stubborn as hell. I can't talk to him without arguing. He wants to tell me how to do this and that, and I say, 'no, I'll do it my way...' He asked me a while back for something, but he ain't never gonna get it..." "Oh my..." "Yeah, he can spend money on trips to New Orleans and bullshit, but he can't make time for his Pop. He's in Miles City with his Joe. He...

I sat my glass of red wine down upon the thin white carpet, next to his. He danced his way to the bedroom, leaving me naked and wanting upon the couch. Little did I know then, that our fates would be decided that night. There upon the thin white carpet, with red wine, naked and wanting. Upon the couch, Then upon the bed. While the deep red wine, Cast itself upon the thin white carpet, Staining it ever so, Throughout the night.  Just as my soul had been stained, With deep, dark passion. White turned to blood, There upon the white sheets, Turned red, Overnight. R.L.J.

"I fear the darkness Doctor Dorothy. When I'm all alone at night, I fear it. But more than anything else, the darkness doesn't scare me twice as much as the silence in the dark does. Why do you suppose that is...?" “Simply because silence isn't empty. It's both sickening and sweet. For you see, silence is full of everything we haven't dared to say along the way. And that should scare you more than darkness ever could..."

 "I don't understand how someone could say this is dangerous, two people finding complete peace in each other's arms under the moonlight. It's wild how the most beautiful kind of love can be the most feared by some..." "You put words together so beautifully. I love that about you..."

"Under the thunder that never claps, there comes a moment when you stop waiting for him to come back. Not due to silence, but because you understand that certain absences have become part of you. Outside it's still storming, but inside it's still and dry. Yet, just outside the sound of rain upon the glass, and the clinging idea that sometimes love knows how to linger even when no one is around..."

Dreams Why do those dreams haunt you? I want to know what I can do, So that I can help you. No matter what it takes, I would do, So a good nights' rest would come to you. If I could I would bring your dreams to me, Far away and not haunting you.  I wish I could do something good for you. Returning all that you have done for me. But taking your dreams away, Is something I cannot do. I'm so sorry for what I can not do, And that I cannot help you. S.W.  Jan. 11, 2003  

"You always seem like you're acting, Ryan. As if you're performing every day, always smiling, showing up and keeping yourself together..." "Isn't that funny that you notice. All the while I'm quietly sinking inside. You see, the world applauds the version of me that looks fine, but few people ever notice what's really happening underneath it all..." "Let me tell you something, Ryan. Life isn't about all that. Everyone needs someone who doesn't just applaud you when you shine. You also need someone who can recognize when you're sinking and drowning. Someone who notices the silence behind your smile..."

He stared at the hideous wallpaper in his brand new empty apartment.  "This wallpaper and I will fight a duel to the death. One or the other of us has to go..." Then he slapped the walls, dug in with his fingers and nails, ripping every last strip off the walls. There his future tapestry awaited. His empty apartment walls and he.

"I've been experiencing insane episodes of déjà vu, Doctor Dorothy. It's quite disturbing. I feel as if I've already been in the same place before. Seen the same exact things. It's unsettling, like I'm passing through moments in time that I've been through before. It's a strange experience. What do you feel it could mean...??" "Déjà vu is French, for 'already seen.' You'll experience unsettling feelings that a new experience has occurred before, despite the absence of any actual past memory of it. It is generally considered a brain glitch, possibly from split perception where a scene is processed twice, or a collision between streams of awareness, leading to a false sense of recollection. While common, frequent déjà vu can be a symptom of conditions like epilepsy, migraines, or fatigue, and can be associated with neurological or psychiatric illness in some cases..." "That seems like a textbook definition to me, Doctor. I...

 “Ryan, if we’re going to talk, then let’s really talk. Let's forget about what is polite or proper and dive right into what is sincere and honest. Lead me down through the labyrinth of your true, spectacular self. I am not interested in pleasantries. If you want a conversation, then let’s get lost, so we can finally find one another...”

As was our usual afternoon routine, we dined. On homemade cabbage burgers with chips and peach salsa. We talked about the turning color of the fall leaves and the all too soon approaching winter. "I'll need you more as winter falls, you know. When the darkness comes and stays longer than I'm used to. When the nights get cold I'll need your warm body close to mine..." "I'll need the same of you..." When we had relished our last bites and cleaned up the table, we climbed the stairs in anticipation. The bed was where we would spend the next few hours, finding delight in all our naked bliss. Then to drift off into a nap, nestled in each other's arms. Only to awake in the evening twilight.

We are all just a bunch of, Strings and threads. Tied tightly together, Across space and time. Dancing briefly, Here and there, And everywhere. Never knowing we are all,  The fabric of everywhere.  R.L.J.

Goodnight my Tom Cat. I wish I was there to fall asleep upon your silver chest. I love you!💋 💋 💋  Goodnight my beautiful man. I feel your cheek upon my heart. I love you. ❤️ 💙 💜 

Will I see you sometime before next weekend? Yes you will. I have white shirts to get to you as soon as they get here. I will need to get my Ryan sighting several times before next weekend. It's a must have. ❤️❤️❤️ Oh yes! I'd forgotten about the shirts. I can't go on without them... My sweet Tom, you keep me going, you know. ❤️ 💙 💜  I know... because I can't go on without you by my side. 💕😘💕😘💕

He was sweet, tender and vulnerable as he stretched himself out upon the burgundy sheets. Bare and blonde, young and willing to be bound with me. He played with me, teasing parts of me that I only remember feeling their best when I was his age. And here I was tasting a boy that reminded me of butterscotch, coffee and brandy. But the intoxicating effects he had on me were far beyond sugar, caffeine or alcohol.  That night with him was what I could have had so many years before, if I'd only found myself sooner.

Behind the curtain, all alone. The crowd doesn't weigh on my mind, Only on my heart. Twisted smile, While inside my head is churning. The light chooses me, Like a finger that accuses. I'll stay here, still, In the middle of nowhere, That only claps in silence. The darkness tastes more than I do, Dance, fly, fall and get up. I'd rather stay. Mask among the masks, A man that no one sees anymore. Every laugh that does not come, It's a punch in the stomach. Every wait an increasing emptiness. And yet, I remain. Because I don't know who I am anymore, Without these circles of light.  R.L.J.

 "That kid is a little creep. I swear if he comes at me with his sassy shit again I'm going to slap his pouty little lips right off his smug face..." "Aw, I think he's adorable. He reminds me of my young, awkward hormonal self..."

Ryan,  The hardest thing you’ll ever have to do is believe in yourself again after everything’s fallen apart.⁠ When life shakes you like that, it’s easy to lose your faith. In yourself. In people. In the path you are on.⁠ It gets quiet, heavy and lonely. It can feel like no one really sees or understands what you’re going through. I need you to hear me on this.⁠ There’s still something in you that hasn’t quit. That light, it’s never gone out, it’s never left you. It’s always been there when you need it the most.⁠ ⁠You can call it hope, or strength, or stubbornness. I’ve called it resilience, and it’s gotten me through hell.⁠ You don’t have to figure everything out. Just get quiet enough to remember who you are. That will take you where you need to go. Who you are has helped you get through every single thing that’s ever come your way.⁠ You’ve made it this far, that counts, that matters.⁠ So take a breath. Then just find one reason to keep going and hold onto that. That’s will be en...

"Fate took him away from me. He faded away. Not because of anything either one of us did, but because that is simply how fate works. Fate comes and it plays, it fakes and then it takes. Why do you think that is...??" "It took me most of my life to understand this. The people who care the most about you are often the ones who can hurt you the most. Not because they mean to, but because they got in. They reached places no one else could. They gave you what you'd been looking for. But life happens, fear creeps in, people mess up. They run, they shut down, say things they don't mean or stay silent when it matters the most. And suddenly you're left questioning if it ever meant anything at all. It did. They cared. Maybe still do. But now you get to find out if they belong in your life. The ones who want to stay will show up. The ones who don't will fade. And that's how fate works. Fate is a tricky mistress. She comes when least expected, there to teach you ...

"So we got some Harmon's Coconut Cream Pies that aren't ours, we don't carry these. So we cannot sell them. What should I do??" "Mark them down to a dollar each and sell them..." "For real?! A whole Coconut Cream Pie for only a dollar??" "I'll take two of them..." "Perfect. I'll take one, too..." "Sweet! Put our cream pies together, save them for later, in the freezer..." "You aren't the first guy that asked me to put our cream pies together..." "Anything for you, Ryan..."

 "I don't understand why he couldn't love me like I needed to be loved. What more could I have done?" "In the end, I believe that you don't need to do anything to be loved. You spent your life trying to be lovable. You must realize a few things. Those who love you see you with their hearts and attribute qualities to you beyond those you really have. Those who don't want to love you will never be satisfied with all your efforts. I really believe that it is important to leave your imperfections alone. Your imperfections are too precious to understand. Those who see you with their hearts really love you, despite your imperfections. Perhaps he couldn't see you with his heart. For a truly loving heart looks beyond your imperfections and loves you perfectly..."

"I absolutely love that girl, she's my favorite. She's such a feral disaster..."  "Just like you, right?!" "You're right, she reminds me of my younger self. I think that's why I love her so much..."

"So Peter was robbed to pay Paul?" "Yes, Peter robbed Paul to pay Judas to sleep with Mary. Quite to the contrary as the Bible tells the tale..." "So Peter picked Pauls' pockets to sleep with a prostitute?" "Precisely..." "How do you feel Jesus felt about all that?" "Jealous but forgiving, perhaps..." "That makes absolutely no sense!!"

Going to sleep my sweet man. I wish I could fall asleep in your arms again. This afternoon was heaven. I love you. Goodnight. 💋 💋 💋  Good night. I love you and love having you in my arms listening to you breathe. XOXO ❤️❤️❤️

"Hey, Ryan. Guess what showed up on my doorstep this lovely Sunday morning??" "What's that I wonder??" "A whole fresh homemade cheesecake. And you're going to help me eat it!" "What?! Who does that?! Is there some kind of door to door cheesecake delivery boy I need to know about...??"

 Side by side we both stood, Both unaware of the power we both had. The powers to both discover and destroy, To both pleasure and plunder, To both toy and ploy, Both just boys. R.L.J.

 Sunday afternoons often found him alone and horny. For Sunday afternoons were where he was without occupation and stimulation. So he found delight with himself and his own palm. Giving new meaning to Palm Sunday.

"Sometimes I find my life so ridiculously absurd, all I can do is laugh... Even though deep down inside I feel like I'm going to die. Laughter has always been my defense when life becomes too much. Laughter, in many ways, has saved me..." "There's nothing wrong with that. Once you start laughing, you start healing. If you aren't ready to laugh at what's going on, then laugh at something else. The world is full of ridiculous things. Laugh at those things. Laugh in that brutal way you do, Ryan. Laugh, start laughing, keep laughing. You don't have anything to lose..."

 We were on a road trip with my kids, My sweet Brian and I, Returning the kids back home. The kids were bouncy and full of fun, In the back seat, Laughing and delightful. "Can you two keep quiet?!" He shouted. Turned out he had no patience for them. Later he would say that they were only, "Noxious stimuli..."

Good morning. I just had a knock at the door and I was naked with the front door open. I had to get dirty clothes out of the laundry to answer the door.... Whoopsies!! Oh my!! Well, get naked again and the next knock you hear will be me. I'm headed your way now...

 "Here, Ryan! Catch this beef chorizo!" "Yeah, throw that meat at Ryan! He likes catching meat...!" "Ha, you two are hilarious! Actually I've been throwing more meat around lately. I'm the pitcher of the meat, and the other party is the receiver..." "Funny! You think you know a guy. I had you pegged for a bottom..." "Well, surprise, bitch, I can pitch and receive!!"

We three, we're all alone, Living in a memory, An echo, a shadow, and me. We three, we're not a crowd, We're not even company, My echo, my shadow, and me. What good is the moonlight, The silvery moonlight that shines above? I walk with my shadow, I talk with my echo, But where is the three I love? We three, I'll wait for thee, Even till eternity, My echo, my shadow, and me. We three we're all alone.  Seems like we're living in a memory, That's my echo, my shadow and me. We three, we ain't no crowd, Fact is we aren't even company. That's my echo, my shadow and me. You know I've been wondering, What good is the moonlight, That silvery moonlight, That shines way, way up above? I walk with my shadow,  I talk with my echo, Where is the three that I love? We three, I'll wait for you, Even till eternity, My echo, my shadow, and me. R.L.J.

"I'm sorry, but the ugly dove has to go. He's not good enough for the show. Let's instead make the ugly dove an owl. That should make the audience howl..."

 Rehearsal was nice. Time with you was sweet. This boy is gonna hit the sheets. Thanks for being an amazing man. Goodnight. 💋 💋 💋 

He kept digging deeper, Deeper and deeper, Into the blog. To try to make sense, But he found none, Only nonsense.  Chaos, Yet under the chaos, Order. R.L.J.

Do you need anything from Blair's for the weekend?  Yes. I think it's in the front of the store sometimes, other times it's in the frozen food section. It's sweet, tender, delicious, easy on the eyes and an incredible item only found in your store. If you have trouble locating it... just look in a mirror, you will see what I'm needing. 😏😉😘

"She's ugly and mean, I don't like her if we're being honest. She looks like an ogre, with a ghetto bootie and her laugh is so irritating..." "Well, if I'm being honest I happen to like her a lot. And if I'm being more honest, you look like a Cabbage Patch kid with no eyebrows, with no bootie and absolutely no personality.  How's that for honesty...??"

"There are times I have the oddest feelings about you. When you are close to me, as you are sometimes, I feel as though I have a rope tied somewhere beneath my left rib, where my heart resides, tightly tied to you in a bizarre fashion. When you leave I fear this rope will be severed, and I shall bleed inside..."

It was a rainy day, all day, and a Monday, too. Then all the sudden it was Fall and the world settled down as the temperature dropped. There was a change in the air, and a peace fell over his heart. He had a contentment inside that hadn't been there for a long time. A peace placed in his heart by a man who loved him for who he was, flaws and all.  It's the kind of love one is lucky enough to find but once in a lifetime. A miraculous and mature love that he was once told he would never find if he continued down the road he was on.  Yet here he was, on a rainy Monday on the brink of a delicious Fall. In love with one delightfully, amazingly, rare man. Falling more in love.

Hey Ry Ry, Just wanted to drop you a line and see how you are doing! Haven't heard from you in a long time. Well, five days seems like a long time... I am about done reading the Book of Romans. Started it last night and couldn't put it down and studied all night, forgot to sleep. You should read it... Well, God is really doing a work out on the Rez. On Tuesday we had to deal with demons, so instead of having Bible Study and prayer we only had four Crave members. But we all went to the altar and picked up a burden for someone and we picked up more than one! It was very powerful, wished you could have been there! We did one drama, "Why Do You Run?" Heidi was the main one and me and LuLu were the bad friends! It was good! RyRy, I know your favorite song is "Why Do You Run?" So here it is, track five from the Drama CD: Why do you run? Why do you hide? Don't you know I just want to be with you, to be with you... Looking down from above as you watch the TV, wo...

My Ryan You mean the world to me. Happy Anniversary You have made my life so much fuller. I love you. T. 💙 

"I love playing pretend. I get to be someone else for awhile. It's an escape. Sometimes I get lost in my own little world. It feels dangerous, playing pretend..." "It can be dangerous. We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be..."

I don't feel like I told you how much this weekend meant to me, so I'll tell you again. You being the man you have been in my life makes me feel safe and loved. You taking me back to where I've been before meant so much to me. Being there with you made my heart burn with love, for you.  I want you to be happy. If I can do anything to see you smile, it fills my heart with such joy. I'm glad you are happy and I'm happy because you deserve to be loved and I get to be the one to love you with all my heart. 

 Once upon the last day of a golden Summer, there was a boy and his man... They spent the last day together in the afternoon sunlight, on a jaunt, up into the mountains where they both could feel young again. The boy reminiscent while the man took joy in where the boy once loved a girl. A girl who once owned a heart only to break and forget it. The majestic sky and mountains captivated them both. And an onyx ring was placed upon the boys' finger, and the man loved him, like he never loved another before.

 "Four cars drove out into the night, four passengers each. All headed for their own separate destinations. Only one car arrived at its' destination, with only one driver intact. Those are the odds, my son. The odds of making it to heaven..."

You know, I’ve had this pressing thought for a couple years now that I need to tell you that the Lord loves you. And there is nothing you can ever do that would remove the love He has for you. I am not quite sure how to say that & it’s never really come up in conversation… I just feel like the Lord wants you to know His great love for you. 🫶 So, I guess just texting it to you is the best way I can think of:) I hope you feel better soon & get over your sickness.❤️‍🩹

"Don't talk to that guy. I hear he has a wicked curve with a golf club..." "I was shocked to see him, he tracked me down and wouldn't stop making passes at me..." "He's trouble. I just get jealous a bit..." "I only have eyes for you dear. I don't care if it's foggy or bright, for I only have eyes for you..."

"She was right to take them away from him. He wasn't stable, he wasn't healthy. He was self-destructive, irrational and irresponsible. Frankly, he was dangerous. He couldn't be trusted, yet she still loved him. She did the best she could by him, but couldn't take him for who he was. So she whisked them away, off to a better life, far away from him, where he couldn't hurt them anymore..."

"Who killed Charlie?" "It wasn't the man on the roof, as the media circus would have you believe. It was the man on his right, the man in blue. It was a deep state hit. Home run, dirty and true..."

"They came in the night, from above in the sky. Come to warn me to beware of bearers of false gifts and their broken promises. If I should ignore this warning there would be much pain, yet there was still time, and good out there. They opposed deception. This was their message. Then they left as they came, to the sky..."

"He's still out there, a couple of fingers and a thumb, keeping tabs from afar, waiting for the next blog to drop. He still has a hard on for the man he lost. The poor fool. I do wonder if he'll ever come back to town..."

 "Hey Ry, you wanna try some of this new salad? It's yummy..." "No thanks. I just had the most amazing cabbage burger..." "Oh yeah? Where'd you get a cabbage burger??" "From Tom. It was homemade and delicious, probably the best cabbage burger I ever had. I'll never look at a deli cabbage burger again..." "You better put a ring on his finger, he sounds like a keeper!" "He is. It's our one year Manniversary this weekend. We've been together a year..." "Right on!!" "I said 'Manniversary.' Get it??" "Yeah Ry, I get it!!"

I think of you all the time, I worry about you, I feel your sadness when you can't get to see your beautiful kids as much as you would like. You have been my star on a dark night. Thank you for taking me on your journey through each day. It feels so good. I love you Mr. Ryan. ❤️😘❤️

He could hear them, The noises from above. Noises sent to disturb him,  Yet remind him, That the noises, The noises that came from above, And below him, Were only the noises, The noises from, From within him. R.L.J.

"Nothing may make sense to you right now, for this world is chaos and nothing makes sense. But trust me when I say, if you could see from the beginning to the end, all of it would make sense, and then you would finally understand..."

 Randy wasn't exactly sure of the how. But the how was not his business. The how never really should have been of concern to him. But it generally was. How was he going to do this? How was he going to do that? How, how, how? Letting go was exactly the how that Randy had been looking for. Matching energy and frequency was his new trick, the test, to see if the universe would deliver. There were laws of attraction that governed the universe, so he believed. This was a game changer. This meant that if he changed his energy, the energies around him would change. So, given time and enough energy, things were bound to change. Obviously, change was inevitable. But change, his change, the intentional and deliberate change that he would see in the world, his world... That is where the magic was, or would be, or always was...

A thousand nights he had found himself alone, yet in the love of thousands. Yet a thousand loves still left him alone.

"He lost himself trying to save me out of love, only to have me rewrite him as the villain he always was. Then he watched as people applauded me like I was never anyone to him. It was one of the most soul shattering agonies there was. The irony was that we both found each other in the experience, and lost each other at the same time. Beautifully tragic, just like all the best love stories..."

 He was born a changeling child, Born of goodly parents, Yet born with a defect. One that wouldn't manifest, Until the child had grown, Grown into a man. The child turned man, Had found he was a man, Who needed another man. R.L.J.

My Sweet Ryan, Look at my face, I know the years are showing. Look at this life, I still don't know where it's going. I don't know much, but I know I love you. That may be all I need to know. Your Tom Cat

"Everyone in this family keeps things from each other..." "Well, sometimes it's hard to explain some things. To talk about them. Sometimes we keep things from the people we love because we don't want to hurt them..." "Not knowing hurts, too..."

"Have you ever wondered if the world is not what you think it is?" "What are you talking about...??" "No law, no order, just chaos all the way down. Look around you, we just put a man in the earth and all we can do is drink ourselves silly. Fending off the dark, fending off the end..."

"I'm never early and I'm never late, I arrive precisely when I intend to. I never speak unless spoken to and I waste no time with idle chatter. My clockery, or time pieces, preferably branded horology are impeccably constructed and priced precisely. My father's father and his father before him were clock makers stretching back as far as time can tell. I grew up with sawdust and the constant ticking of tocks, reminding me that time was ever moving and that time was something to be made and not lost, cherished and never forgotten. I feel most do not value time, as I do. Time is all we ever have - and all we ever have is right now. 'Make the most of time, before it runs out.' My father would routinely proclaim..."

"Hey Ryan, a little bird told me that she saw your Ex and his new guy at Bomgaars..." "Oh really...?" "Yes. The little birds name is Mary, and she was asking me why your Ex is with someone else. She thought you two were still together..." "Oh, no. We are not..." "She said they were having a fight and she found it most entertaining..." "Well tell the little bird Mary thanks for passing the little tid bit of tea along..."

"What must we do with him Doctor Dorothy? He's a strong one. How can we suppress his strength of character?" "We must be sure that he remains completely fixated on everything outside of himself. Arguments, political gossip and obsessing on the faults of people he has never met. This will serve as an excellent distraction from advancing in personal virtue, character and the things he can control. Make sure to keep him in a constant state of angst, frustration and general disdain towards the rest of the human race in order to avoid any kind of charity or inner peace from further developing. Ensure he continues to believe that the problem is outside of him, in the broken world, rather than recognizing there is a problem with himself...."

  Dear Noah and Valerie, Good Morning! I love you so much! I am getting Daddy so that he can go get help. I will see you soon! Love you to the moon, sun and stars & back again! Love,          Mommy