gayNwyo

Hope you had a pleasant day. No drama, just a productive day. I love you. 💕❤️😘 Going to bed to dream of you. Xoxo 😘  It was a pleasant day, full of drama and productivity. I love you! Of course I'll dream of you, I usually do! XOXO 💋 

 "So I was packing my body pillow out to the car, for my sleep over with you for the weekend, and I noticed some of my jizzness all over the sides..." "Oh my goodness, your jizzness...?" "Yes. All my nightly slimy jizz was all over the pillow..." "Do you usually jizz so much at night...??" "Usually...." "Oh my goodness, I love your jizzness...!"

He couldn't keep away, Away from the voices of the west. The voices he loved the best, His best loved voices, The voices of the west. R.L.J.

hello my dearest! I am going to get Sarah and stop by Aldi for some Airborne. If there is anything else you want me to get, call me. I was thinking Shrimp stir-fry, rice and egg rolls w/ the elders tonight. I told them pick up @ 6:30 if that's ok. I love you! I don't know where I would be without you & I am so glad you're with me! XOXOXO  ~  Kitty

11/5/97 Well, I don't very often get the urge to write in my journal, but here I am again. I want to write tonight about life, mine in particular. I don't really know what to say, except, what does it all mean? Why have I gone to bed so many nights thinking about it? So many questions running through my mind. There are times when I've felt like I was all there, with it, ready to conquer the world. Then I was down, out of it, trying to tell the difference between my imagination and the world as I want it to be, and the plain cruel reality. I find myself hoping, when I fall asleep, that I'll wake up and the confusing world would only have been a figment of my imagination. Another question, one of the many: When you're taught something all of your life, do you have to believe it, even if you don't? My family, all of us, are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Days Saints. There are certain principles and basic beliefs I'm not sure of. Is there a God...

 Going to bed. I hope you had a great day. Dream of me as I will dream of you beside me, listening to you breathe and watching your eyes flutter as REM takes you to a special place filled with joy, love and laughter. A gentle kiss upon your lips and a whisper of I love you. ❤️ You have a way with words and a sense of romance that I cannot resist. Goodnight my sweet tender Tom Cat, I do so love you! 💋 

"I had to be done with him. He hurt me. As much as I loved him, I had to be done. He was a cockalorum." "I'm sorry, a what?" "A cockalorum..." "And what exactly is that?!" "A boastful, self important person. He was a cockalorum..." "Oh, I see..."

He was always seeing ghosts, Ghosts of men he once knew. He was always seeing faces, In places and in spaces, Spaces and places he once knew. Now he only thought he saw faces, The faces of men he once knew. He was only seeing ghostly faces, In all the spaces and places, The ghostly faces, Of all the men he once knew. R.L.J.

  hello handsome! I will probably be home around 11 today & I was hoping we could go to the bank, deposit that check & start a savings account. :) I love you more everyday, thanks for being you! Love,               Katie Bug

  Hello My Love! I made this card for you a long time ago and I lost it. I found it when I was organizing my music stuff at school. You'll probably get it while I'm there, but by mail is better! I love You! Love,               Your soon to be Wife!

good morning my Love! there is a yummy Orange Julius smoothie in the fridge. I hope you have a good day. Don't feel like you have to go to work today, we'll be fine. I will be working til dinner or later though, so you might get bored. I love You! XOXO ~ Katie Kitty 

 MORNIN' 🌞 SUNSHINE! I had to go home & call the store to see if they need me & to explain why my car is still there. LUV YA! See ya when you wake up. Katie 

have a fantabulous day my sweet! You mean the world to me and I will be happy forever because I am with you! Love You Forever! ~ Katie Bug   🌻 

You are the Light of my Life! XOXO  hey honey! I hope you are enjoying your relaxing day off! Sorry if I get lost in my projects, let me know if you need a little attention! * wink wink * I love You! ~ your Kitty kisses to you luv!

We sat beside a stream of pure river water, deep in the mountains of long lost Wyoming. I'd made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and he supplied the deep red wine. He'd spread a blanket so divine. He took me as I arched my back and thighs, as I looked up into the waving trees above, edging on the most delightful orgasms. Little did we both know, those would be the best delights we'd ever know.  A divine summer afternoon.

 " Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been." ~ Mark Twain Wrinkles always come with a few gray hairs, and I know you've given me plenty of both! :) You know you are the best thing that has ever happened to me! I want you to know that you did great! I like You! ~ Katie Krammer

RY  I ran the dishwasher, so it should be all clean and ready to use for dinner KJJ

"Are you all serving tea over here, what's all the whispering about? Why all the twattle??" "The twattle? What the hell is twattle?? I know what serving tea is, but what the hell is twattle...??" "I'll have you know that twattle is silly idle gossip that serves no purpose, and I know that's exactly what's going on over here, so cut the tea serving twattle and get back to work...!!" "Yes, sir! How dare we twattle the tea, how dare we...!!"

hey Love, I tried to make cinnamon rolls, but, as usual, I screwed up the dough, so I improvised. You don't have to eat any, but I think they taste alright. :) Love You! Katie Bug

To My Handsome Prince Dec 15, 2009 My Dearest Love!  Merry Christmas! There is so much I wanted to give you, but there was always something that prevented it. I had planned on getting you a new Sonicare toothbrush at Target, & I'm sorry that didn't work out. I'll give you the coupon though & as soon as we can, you can get one! I also wanted to surprise you with the new DVD/VHS Recorder, but that fell through as well, so I'm terribly sorry that at this point I haven't been able to buy you anything. I will promise you this though, I have more love for you than could fill a thousand department stores! You are an absolutely amazing husband & I truly thank the Lord for you! We have had some struggles and some challenges, but these past five and a half years with you have been the best of my life. I don't know how I got so lucky as to have you as my husband! (I know I don't deserve it!) You are my Angel! Merry "Kissmas" Love! ~ Katie XOXOXO

 "In this great big crazy, mixed up world, even in the smallest of places like this, what are the odds that two people like us would find happiness in each other?" "The odds were not in our favor, but here we are just the same..."

 "There are two very brave mommas in this little town, have you noticed? They both have son's they are quite proud of. Even though both of their boys are very much girls, or wanna be girls anyway. I'm sure you have seen them come through the store. They are quite hard to miss..." "I think the boys are so much braver than their mammas ever could be. I've seen them of course. And if I was the boys mommas, I would be quite proud, too...!"

 Blueberries Carrot Juice Green Goodness Pom Juice Ferns Dildos  French Fries More French Fries Hot Mustard Bee Pollen BBQ Jalapeño Sauce Wash Cloths Surprise for My Ry-Guy

We had just pissed together. And we both primped beside each other in the mirror.  "Now that we are both primped and pissed, let's go shop..." And we both hopped together and shopped...

 He appeared on my FB feed, The blonde boy that I once desired.  His hair whipped high upon his head, A head I once looked upon, A head once looked upon, A head now spun. Once upon a time... R.L.J.

Little Zach, So skinny,  So little, And so sassy. He was always so hilarious, With his comebacks, And his eyes, And his sighs. Silly and sassy, Little skinny Zach. R.L.J.

I have this uncontrollable, insatiable craving for your body... BURP! XOXO MAKIN' COFFEE I ❤️ U! Luv - Me!

April 29th, 1997 Well, here I am again, almost a year later trying to get a bit of my life into words. A whole lot has changed, and I'll try to tell you as much as I can. I want to be able to write my feelings in this book, but some things shouldn't even be thought about. I need to tell someone, or something though. And telling it to no one at all is about as low as I can get. And since I'm so sure that other eyes, prying eyes of my family are bound to get their grubby little paws on this, I'll say, hi, welcome to my view on life. Sometimes I hate life, just plain old life. You know, walking down the hallways at school knowing it's going to be one more day of hell. Well, actually, it starts the first thing in the morning most days. Ok, so, if my trusty old alarm clock fails to wake me up, I don't give a ----, because it never does - useless! Piece of ----! So either Venessa's (Vanessa now - don't ask) blow dryer wakes me up, a nauseating sound, or mom ba...

Dear Ryan, How are you? I'm fine. I'm glad you are Star of the Week. Miss Brown did good on a choose for Star of the Week. I think you are really funny. I don't have much to say but have to fill the page. Well, when you get your Star of the Week letters, you get a free Taco Johns. Well, I better be going now. Bye, Bye. Your Friend, Kylee Gold

"I really need a Red Bull right now..." "No, you don't need a Red Bull, you want a Red Bull, there's a difference..." "It's a need, trust me. I need a Red Bull!" "You need some bull sperm in your mouth, huh??" "What?!?" "You know Red Bull has bull sperm in it, right? That's why they call it Red Bull..." "That must explain this crazy craving I'm having..."

 i love you Ryan 💋  Hugs and kisses to my dearest love! ~ Katie XOXO

Rest well... and please feel better soon. I wish there was more that I could do! ~ Katie J. Krammer 

 "You came into my life like a shining light, a silver knight. You came into my life just right, at the right time, like my savior. You saved me. No one has ever made me feel as good as you do, and I've lived a life and had my fair share of lovers. I may be seventy-one, but you make me feel seventeen again... Now you'd better pinch me, because I feel like this is all a dream..."

"Hey Ryan! We've got Dietz Hotdogs on sale this week! Aren't you excited?!" "Like the same brand that makes the nuts??" "Yes, Dietz Nuts also makes hotdogs, isn't that great?!" "Yes, I love Deitz Nuts! Now I can love me some Dietz Hotdogs, too! WooHoo!!"

Mix together in a saucepan two cupfuls of brown sugar, two cupfuls of hot water, two tablespoonfuls of lard, one package of seeded raisins and one teaspoonful each of salt, cinnamon and cloves. Boil for five minutes until it bub-bles. Remove and cool. When cold add three cupfuls of flour and one teaspoonful of soda, dissolved in a teaspoon-ful of hot water. Bake forty-five minutes in a loaf pan in a slow oven.

 Add a teaspoonful of salt to four cupfuls of Indian meal; pour over it enough boiling water to make a dough, stirring it in well. Let the mixture stand four hours, then cut into thick slices and fry in hot pork fat on a griddle. Break apart and eat hot.

 My feet were pressed against the ceiling. My thighs pressed against the sheets. His thighs were dancing with mine as the moon was on the rise. I placed a ring upon his finger and he cried as we fell alseep in each other's arms. I realized I'd made a mistake, so I took the ring back as he slept. And then, I wept.

He told himself 'no.' 'No I will not. I will not read another one of his shitty blogs...' And yet he did...

We the people,   Should let he or she, Or whomever they may be, Love whomever they wish to, Let them be. Are they harming you or me? Love is love, Let them love, And let them be. R.L.J.

 "I hate that cow. She's a bitch, and I see her come through here at the same time every single Thursday. She's a regular cunt cake. If she comes through my line again I'm gonna slap her. She smells like furmunda cheese and nasty twat. And she always counts out change like an old lady..."

I believe in you.  I believe in the way that you are and the way you will be. I believe in the things that you say. You mean the world to me. And if you should go, If you should turn around one day, If you should ever doubt your dreams in any way... Don't think twice about it. Don't worry too long about whether you'll find a place for yourself in the world. You belong! I know that you'll get where you're going someday. For no matter what happens, You'll find a way. I believe in the way that you are and the way you will be. You are a shining star in this world... And you mean the world to me. K.J.K.

I just wanted to say that I am proud of you! I am proud that you didn't back out when you were scared, & I am proud simply to be close to someone so talented. I know you weren't, and probably still aren't sure if you wanted this part, but all I can say is no one could do it better! You have such an amazingly beautiful voice. So many people came up to me (& I am sure you too) telling me what a great voice you have! I hope this show opens up new doors for you! I hope it helps in this puzzle we call life, to guide you in some way. Everything happens for a reason, so enjoy life as it comes! You are amazing & I am so glad you are part of my life right now, you are meant to be!  I love you! Katie Jean

I wanted to say thanks for putting up with me and for doing the little things you do for me! (like bringing me a drink at work!) I know it gets stressful here, but don't lose hope! You will get out of here before too long. Then when you look back, it will seem so much easier to think of all the good memories, that crazy enough, I bet you'll miss this place! I know I will! So hang in there, and if there is anything I can do to make the bad days a little bit better, let me know! You are my favorite! Love,  Katie

Good morning. I am hard 🍆 and thinking of you. What should I do? 🤔🤫😏🔥😘❤️ Oh my! 💋 I wish I was there to get down on that! Go to town sexy man! I'm going to go sit outside to get my vitamin D and I will take care of business. 😘🍆❤️ I'll imagine you there and do the same... 🍑 

"Why didn't you fight back, Ryan? Why didn't you strike back?? You were insulted, he was so cruel to you..." “I have moments when the urge to strike back is strong, I want to return every insult and every act of cruelty. Then I pause, I look deeper. I see his life, his struggles, and I realize… life has already dealt him his share of battles. Not every war needs words. Sometimes, silence is the most powerful response. Because in the end, we all give what we carry inside. I choose not to mirror his hurt, I choose to move forward. Let him be consumed by bitterness. I’ll walk with peace..."

"The flowers you left me on the patio melted my heart this afternoon."  "I'm glad you like them. I think you should have flowers all the time. I love you..."

You didn’t break my heart, you broke the illusion I had of you. The version of you I created, while ignoring the version that kept showing up. I kept painting over red flags with softer colors, kept rewriting your actions. Writing you into a love story that only I was living. I kept hoping that if I just loved harder, you’d eventually meet me there. But the truth is, you were never coming. You were standing still, while I was sprinting toward a future you never asked for. Now I see it clearly. You didn’t abandon me, you were never fully in. You just let me carry it all. All the effort, the love, the hope, until I ran out of strength and finally put it down. So no, you didn’t break my heart.  You broke the version of reality I built to justify your inability to show up. In a strange way, I’m thankful, because now I don’t have to wonder. Now I can finally stop waiting. Now I can finally choose me.

 "You didn't just get up and walk away from him. You stayed for a very long time. You waited for him to treat you better. You gave him time to fix his behavior towards you, and you loved him for as long as you could. It was when you could no longer deny how miserable he made you feel, when you had to accept that he didn't intend on making an effort for you, only then did you choose to leave. So don't let him make you feel like your relationship ended because you gave up on him. You didn't. You left because you grew tired of waiting for him to start appreciating you. You left because it was about time you accepted the reality before you. The reality that you changed for him, but he couldn't change for you."

For my birthday I requested that he make me his masterpiece dessert, his delicious and delectable cheesecake. It was melt in my mouth amazing, a whipped up perfection, an ode to the loads of love that he had for me. It was a sensation in my mouth and the mouth of everyone who tried it. A year or so later I invited him to my family Thanksgiving gathering. He declined. So I asked that he make the same cheesecake again, so I could bring it for the family to enjoy. A poor replacement for his absence.  He made the cheesecake again and I brought it before the family. When I removed the form and presented it, it melted and fell into a chunky mess. He made it so hastily that it hadn't set up. We all ate it up anyway. Still somehow delicious, however fallen. It was a foreshadowing of what was to come. That chunky fallen cheesecake represented what would soon become of our once intense relationship. 

"Whenever you see the rainbow withdrawn, it shall be a token that there shall be famine, pestilence, and great distress among the nations, and that the coming of the Messiah is not far distant..." "Isn't it strange that rainbows are referenced by the first LDS prophet? Looking at this in modern times, clearly rainbows on Earth can't be withdrawn, they are a natural phenomenon. But the rainbow flag can be withdrawn, and there are political powers attempting to do so now."

"Do you believe in happy endings, Ryan?" "I do yes. Although I've never had one, with anyone. I've always wanted one, but they always eluded me for one reason or a million." "I believe in happy endings, but I also believe in dark beginnings." "Maybe I should start with a dark beginning, then maybe I'll find my happy ending..." "Sometimes if you face the darkness in the beginning it may lead to a happy ending, sooner or later..."

"He'd make love to a bowl of ice cream nearly every night. He'd go to the kitchen and carve out several heaping spoon fulls. Then he'd let it sit for just a bit, so it was ever so soft. Then he would spoon on in, slipping it through his thin lips. Shaping his cold delight on the spoon with his lips, lapping it on his tongue before swallowing it down. He could make love to a bowl of ice cream longer than he could make love to me..."

"Ryan, you need to be more professional at work, you're setting a terrible example. First you are flinging chickens all over the store, and now you're blowing bubbles behind customer service. What the hecks the matter with you?!?!" "Oh gee, I don't see what the big deal is... I'm just a glorified babysitter keeping the kiddies entertained while Mommy and Daddy are away..."

 It had been raining for six days straight, all day and all night. The sidewalks outside the school were covered with hundreds of worms, rising as high as they could to avoid being drown. I hadn't seen this much rain for my whole life. We'd have a day or two of rain here and there, but never for this long before. There were puddles and mud everywhere. My shoes were soaked through, my socks were soggy and my toes were sloshing around in my squeaky sneakers.  "Let's smash as many of these little nasty slimy worms as we can, Ryan! I'll bet I can squish more than you can..." I had no intention of smashing a single slimy specimen. These tiny skinny creatures had worked their way to the surface just to survive. Why should we kill them now? "No. There are so many of them, they are everywhere. It would be more of a challenge to try to skip, splash and jump around them. Let's see who can reach the double doors first without squashing a single worm. Deal?!...

 "I've got this new stress diet I'm on. For breakfast I have a half a grapefruit and a slice of whole wheat toast and eight ounces of milk. Then for lunch four ounces lean broiled chicken breast and one cup of steamed zucchini and one Oreo cookie and an herbal tea. Then for a mid-afternoon snack I eat the rest of the package for Oreo cookies, one quart of rocky road ice cream and a jar of hot fudge. Then for dinner I have two loaves of garlic bread, a large pepperoni and mushroom pizza with a large pitcher of Pepsi with two Milky Way candy bars. Then for dessert, an entire frozen cheesecake I eat directly from the freezer. After that, I'm not stressed at all..."

"The reality is none of us are easy to be with, Ryan. We all have our struggles. So when someone chooses to stay committed to understanding you, and actually wants to grow with you, don't allow your ego or pride to ruin the connection."

"You do what you want to do, you always have Ryan." "That's true, and that will never change." "Your mantra should be, 'I do what I want.'" "Funny thing, I say that all the time..."

Ryan,  I hope that if a love like ours ever finds you again, may the world let it be someone who loves you as deeply as you loved me.  With someone who is never alright with hurting you. Someone who is loyal, kind & devoted. Someone who will never make you feel unwanted. Someone who feels like home & also finds home in you. You deserve that.  I'm sorry I never found that with you.  Stay close to those who feel like home. Brian

The day began as my mood was, Bright and sunny, Full of light, Full of hope. Then the winds changed, Changed with my mood, I became dark and broody, A storm brewed inside me. Then the clouds turned dark, The winds began to blow, The day turned dark and grey, As dark as I felt inside. Darks clouds gathered, And the winds blew fierce, As if they obeyed, How I felt in my soul. The dark winds billowed, And my soul felt the same. R.L.J.

"My God, it feels like my heart is far too broken to ever recover. I've gone through heartbreak before, but I swear this time is the last. This time the heartbreak may kill me."  “Give yourself time, Ryan. Your heart will fix itself. It’s your mind you need to worry about. Your mind where you locked the memories, your mind where you have kept pieces of the ones that hurt you, that still cut through you like shards of glass. Your mind will keep you up at night, make you cry, destroy you over and over again. You need to convince your mind that it has to let go… because your heart already knows how to heal.”

  You're The Apple of My Eye! 8-20-06 Ryan, Hello Handsome!  Thank you. thanks for being there for me when I need you. thanks for saying the right things. thanks for a million or more wonderful memories. thanks for understanding my ups and downs. thanks for the afternoon naps. thanks for the late night talks. thanks for the snuggles and hugs. thanks for the laughs. thanks for the tears. thanks for the smiles. thanks for you! love, Katie

  June 7, 1995 So far Summer is a total drag. It's raining outside, so it looks way far from Summer. Well, there's one major detail in my life I forgot to add. Her name is Rita, one of my best friends, girlfriends, well yeah, she's my girlfriend. To tell you the truth, I'm madly in love and think she feels the same about me. Wow, she's great! She loves poetry and writing, but most of all, music.  The first time I told her how I felt about her, I put it in poetry. She had no physical reaction. She wrote a poem back. She wrote a great one. It answered the questions I asked and so I thought she was serious, so I wrote another one back and she did the same, this went on for about two weeks before I finally asked her. She said she felt the same and we've been good ~ real good ~ friends ever since. I met her in school, my freshman year.  The first time I noticed how I really felt was the night after a dance we went to at our church. She showed up all gorgeous and stun...

"Ryan, what would you like to talk about today?" "Can I dare talk about the rage that I carry inside?" "Of course you can. Rage is complex, it usually manifests as the result of your soul wanting to be seen, especially after grief is ignored and pain has been renamed." "My rage usually shows up when I've swallowed my voice for too long, when I've been silenced, minimized or gaslit so many times that my nervous system screams to be heard." "I understand. Rage is often the souls attempt to be seen, especially after grief has been ignored and pain renamed. Rage is grief with armor on, when your truth has been denied for years. Your system holds onto that energy like a live wire." "Exactly. Especially when those who harmed me never apologized or took accountability and still distort or deny what happened." "I understand. That lack of resolution makes the rage feel eternal, like unfinished business. So when you're ...

 May 30, 1996 Well I coulda told ya this was gonna happen. I threw this book in the corner and haven't touched it since, dang me! Well, catch up time. School's out, that's it, sick of writing, fill ya in later, Bye...                                                               Ryan Jevne

"Gay sex isn't like straight sex, no sir it is not. Straight sex can happen at almost any time. But not gay sex, no sir, not with a man on man sort of situation anyway. You gotta plan for that, if you want to be inside. With gay man sex, it's all in the timing..."

Dear Ryan,  If I could tell you anything to save you the time and the lessons in this life, I would tell you to never let anything that happens to you turn you bitter. Don't let the pain of something that was out of your hands turn you cold, my love. Stay soft, as hard as that is sometimes, try. Try with all of your heart to stay tender. I know there's a lot of things that hurt, take us to our knees and threaten our hearts with a stone cold grudge. Let it go. You can't change it, but you can choose to not let it change you. Don't let the pain define you. You are bigger than that, I hope you know. You are never how someone makes you feel. Let it hurt, then let it heal. But don't linger there. Remember who you are and rise above it all. With all my love, Your Bri Guy, Brian ❤️ 💙 💜 

In my darkest moments, it wasn't advice or solutions that I needed. I needed someone to connect to, a gentle presence, a small quiet touch.  It was only the small things that mattered. Those small things kept me anchored when life felt like a chaotic sea. I didn't want to be fixed, or for the shadows and the pain to be washed away. I just wanted someone to sit with me while I weathered my storms.  For someone to be there with a steady hand that could show me the way. The pain was mine to carry, the tempests mine to test, the wars were mine to face. But his gentle presence reminded me that I'm never alone in this unforgiving and vast world. He was my gentle sea. He was my calm reminder that I was worthy of love, even when I was broken. In those dark hours, when I lost my way, he was there. Not to save me, but to be with me.  He held my hand until dawn arrived. His silent support was the most precious gift. He helped me remember who I was, when I'd nearly forgotten. He wa...

October 29, 1995 Man how those months flew by... I thought I'd be a loyal journal writer, but hey.  Well, school has started and so far my Sophomore year is just crappy, my grades are slipping, my health ain't so hot, never has been. But one thing remains the same, my love for Rita. She's the highlight of my life, nothing else compares to her, absolutely nothing. Our relationship is still as strong as it ever has been, but being apart is really hard. In a letter she recently wrote me she said that if we can stay together through this we can do anything. I sure hope so. I wanna believe it too, but there are too many doubts. I don't doubt her loyalty, but I'm just real unsure, that's all.  I regret not telling my parents I'm going 'steady' with her. But they just wouldn't understand, they would yell and scream and say, 'end the whole thing...' But I can't. If only they'd understand how I feel about her, how much I care for her and h...

 Dear Ryan, Congratulations! You're Star of the Week! What is your favorite color, animal, sport? When is your birthday? My birthday is May 31st, 1980. What kind of animal have you got? How many? You're very nice and kind. Well, Have a Happy Thanksgiving! P.S. Write back Your friend, Racheal Kirkendall

"There is a tiny voice inside of you, a voice that whispers everyday, 'this is right for me and this is wrong.' And then there is a wise man who decides, no preacher, teacher, friend who can decide what is right for you inside, you only have the voice that speaks from inside. Listen to that voice, and let it decide, and let it reside."

  June 4, 1995 Seems how this is my first page in my journal I'll start by giving my name. My name is Ryan Luke Jevne. I'm 15 years old, I live in Riverton, Wyoming, have all my life, in a family of seven. My Dad's name is Randy Charles, my Mother's name is Valerie Jean. I've got two brothers and two sisters. Nickolas Charles Jevne is my oldest brother, 16 years old, born August 5, 1978. Venessa Jean, my younger sister, 13 years old, born July 31, 1981. Candace Renee, my youngest sister, 11 years old, born August 21, 1983. Paul Andrew, the youngest brother, 10 years old, born December 19, 1984, which is my birthday, only five years later. My Mother was born August 22, 1958. My Dad was born September 22, 1954. Well, there's my family. I just got this journal in Ogden, Utah on a temple trip. My Mom, Dad and I were the only ones who went. The rest of the family really missed out. We stayed in a motel called the Travel Lodge after our long trip. My Mom and Dad had t...

 "Everyone's childhood plays itself out, Ryan. When we are younger we live by the rules everyone else has laid out for us, and we live as they have told us to. Then we grow older and we learn that perhaps those rules aren’t the best rules for us any more, so we must set our own rules and live by those. But there will always be the voices of those who taught us in our childhood, voices that contradict what we know to be true. Find your own voice and listen to that, your childhood played itself out, don't get stuck on repeat. Live your life, not the one you were programmed to play out."

"Good morning Mr. Jevne. You look so handsome laying in my bed in the raw. I'm a lucky man..." "Gosh you're sweet, I'm the lucky man. And is that fresh coffee I smell?" "Yes sir it is! I'm also preparing to whip up some fresh cream, if you know what I mean...?!" "Oh there's nothing I love better than fresh cream in the morning!" "It's my very own home made recipe, I call it 'milk of man' cream..." "Yummy, let's make some together!"

 "Hey Ryan, we have a bet running in the deli. How old are you??" "I'm forty five, I'll be forty six in December." "Hah, I was right! We were all guessing how old you were. Christian said he thought you were fifty..." "Fifty, really? Well, Christian thinks he's black, but he's the whitest boy in the store, so I can see how he might think I'm fifty, silly boy..."

His soul was cast into outer darkness, Outer darkness was where his soul was cast. His soul was cast into a place, A place where it was meant to be, A place where his soul was comfortable, In outer darkness.  R.L.J.

  No two snowflakes are ever alike good morning love! I don't know what your plan is for today, but I'm going to sleep through lunch. I'm bringing a sandwich that I will try to save for dinner, but it depends on if I can eat at the school. I love you very much! Good luck at your interview! Love,  Me  XOXO 

 PLEASE DON'T GO WITHOUT A KISS XO

"Always wear the red shoes. For when you wear the red shoes, you can conquer the world..." "I've always loved red shoes, especially sparkling ruby red shoes!"

"Listen, Ryan, I'm a bitch and no one here likes me, and I'm obviously ok with that, I could care less, I'm here to do my job and go home, who the fuck cares if anyone likes me..." "I like you, you're a bitch, yes, but there's something underneath all that that I find disarming and charming at the same time." "I'm anything but charming, and I live to be disarming." "Well, my dear, not everyone is born to charm the world..."

  Morning Love! I hate to leave a mess, but if you can wait til I get home, I'll clean it. I meant to this morning, but I slept in! SO SORRY!! Love You! Katie

 Ryan, I am sorry for the frustration that this paycheck has caused, but I cannot ignore what I feel is wrong and what is right. I know that it would be much easier & simpler for us to ignore it and go about our business, but it would just haunt me if we do! I believe that we can do this without causing havoc for everyone too. If we can just pull Anita aside and let her know that we don't feel right accepting those hours and ask her to please find a way to remove them, then I think we can solve it without a big mess. We wouldn't have to take out or mess with anyone else's hours, just cut out the extra stuff. If Anita were to refuse for some reason, which I doubt, then it might get ugly & we'd report it. This is your paycheck and I know that I cannot make the decision, but I pray that you would look at the situation carefully & prayerfully.  These are my thoughts of Pros & Cons: Pros for changing it: HONESTY, LESS LEGAL RISK, IT'S STEALING, PEACE OF M...

"There are times when life will not give closure but it offers you courage instead. Do you think the wolf waits for the forest to make a path or for the path to be clear or for the pain to make sense? No. The wolf walks right in with questions unanswered and wounds not healed. The wolf is strong and that strength isn't always loud. Sometimes that strength looks like waking up and choosing to take the steps even when yesterday's weight is still heavy on your back. So remember when the past comes knocking on your door, don't open that door. Open your heart instead, take a deep breath and remind yourself, you are not what tried to break you, you are who survived it. Be like the wolf and keep moving, keep breathing, keep hunting and keep surviving..."

"Hey, Ryan, did you pick up on that one? He just eye balled you up and down and winked at you as he passed through here." "Yeah, I picked up on that. I felt a little twitch in my jeans, too..." "He's a hot older daddy that I wouldn't mind getting under, if you catch my drift..." "I catch your drift. I've got plenty of that already, thanks, he's all yours!"

"I had a dream the other night, after flinging flying chickens around the store here and there and everywhere. I suppose I felt guilty about it. Anyway, I had a dream. I came into work in the morning and I heard her call my name on the intercom, calling me into her office. So, up I went, into her office. I sat down. Then she shook her finger as she stated, 'there will be no more flinging chickens in my store...'"

"I'm a good man, my soul is pure. I haven't made the best of choices with my life, but here I am. In a place that I suppose I deserve, but not a place I ever thought I would be." 

"When you are writing the story of your life, you cannot skip chapters, that isn't how life goes, silly man. You've got to read all of the lines, meet all the characters. Some of it will be ugly, but most of it will be beautiful. Some chapters will leave you in tears, others you may not want to read at all. Sometimes you won't want the pages to end, and sometimes you'll want to burn the pages you've read. All in all, though, you'll find your story the only one you can write, page by page, chapter by chapter. Some characters you'll choose to keep in your life, and others you can write on out. It's your story, it's your life, make it one hell of a story. Just don't skip chapters..."

"I need a hug from you. Especially you, you are my favorite." "How are you?" "I'm sad, naturally. They just lost the baby you know. She was due in just three days. I hadn't seen them since it happened so I went there to see them. To see him, he's my son. It was horribly sad. He wanted to be brave and strong, for her, but I could tell he was taking it hard..." "He's a sensitive guy, I'm sure he's hurting, too. My heart goes out to him, I know what it's like to lose a child before they are born. We lost several before our first was born. The pain is extreme. I hope I see him today, so I can tell him how I feel. I love that man, he's exceptional, he doesn't deserve to go through this..."

I always seemed to be the little boy, the little boy who cried wolf.  There would be wolves everywhere, they'd be here and there and simply everywhere. I'd cry wolf, but no one would believe me. They would only believe me after the wolf had already torn me apart and swallowed me whole. Then they'd try to piece me back together again, only after it was far too late. Then I'd never cry wolf again.

We'd just lost another child to the night, We'd lost our little hope, Our future delight. Our moth of hope, Our moth of light. I sat in the darkness, In the night, Without hope, Lost of light. Then there was a knock on the door, And I arose with a fright, To open the door, Where our little moth flew in, Flew in in the night, With a thrilling light, Come to say, He'd be there another night. R.L.J.

To: My Love  hello handsome! I am waiting for Sarah to finish her acting class. I wish you were going to be home early tonight, I miss you when you are gone! Too bad that little girl didn't work for you, I was really hoping it would.  I'm sure I'd enjoy it, but I don't want to get worn out.  I'm so excited for Sandi! Too bad we can't go visit when it's born. We'll go as soon as we can afford it. Who knows when we'll have our own too! I know you're nervous, but our little moth wants a body.  I keep thinking of that darn house! It would be so nice! If I get this little girl, maybe we could afford it. It would pretty much guarantee us staying here though, so we'd have to be sure. Just imagine having our own house! That would be so exciting. I need to call people about that Halloween party too! See who could come and when! I better stop now! I love you to pieces and you'll always be my favorite! XO ~ your little wife

Sept. 19, 2006 Ryan: Hello my sweetest! I just got back from rehearsal and should be sleeping, but such is life. The show is not going too well at the moment. Jeff, one of the leads, (it's a double cast) is a total Devin. 3 days left and he still doesn't know songs & lines. Grrr. Let's just hope he can pull it off like Devin. Sorry I have been bombarding you with thoughts of me stepping on your new found paradise. Life is just so very different for me now. I miss the simple everyday, mundane life I had in Riverton. I miss knowing there is a part for me if I want. I miss knowing everyone and I miss the constant arts that I had in my life. Granted, I get the arts now in teaching it, but it's hard and it's not the same. I'm much more of a performer to teach. I will try to stick it out and give it time, but with the pay/benefits (or lack thereof of) that I get, it is tuff to do. I am glad to hear that you are doing well and you like it there. It sounds just gorg...

"Ryan, you seem to be a different man these days. You seem happier, the light has come back to your eyes. I've noticed you know, and I'm happy for you. When I first met you, I remember you being so sad all the time, when you'd need to go cry in the bathroom at least once a day. I'm glad you are happier now, that makes me happy, too."

"I plan to come stay with you next weekend. If you would like that, too?" "I'll put you in the reservation book. One prince staying in the master suite. Prefers snuggles and major kisses constantly. I am recommending the best employee we have. He is very attentive and will fill your every request." "You are the best!"