gayNwyo

"So Peter was robbed to pay Paul?" "Yes, Peter robbed Paul to pay Judas to sleep with Mary. Quite to the contrary as the Bible tells the tale..." "So Peter picked Pauls' pockets to sleep with a prostitute?" "Precisely..." "How do you feel Jesus felt about all that?" "Jealous but forgiving, perhaps..." "That makes absolutely no sense!!"

Going to sleep my sweet man. I wish I could fall asleep in your arms again. This afternoon was heaven. I love you. Goodnight. 💋 💋 💋  Good night. I love you and love having you in my arms listening to you breathe. XOXO ❤️❤️❤️

"Hey, Ryan. Guess what showed up on my doorstep this lovely Sunday morning??" "What's that I wonder??" "A whole fresh homemade cheesecake. And you're going to help me eat it!" "What?! Who does that?! Is there some kind of door to door cheesecake delivery boy I need to know about...??"

 Side by side we both stood, Both unaware of the power we both had. The powers to both discover and destroy, To both pleasure and plunder, To both toy and ploy, Both just boys. R.L.J.

 Sunday afternoons often found him alone and horny. For Sunday afternoons were where he was without occupation and stimulation. So he found delight with himself and his own palm. Giving new meaning to Palm Sunday.

"Sometimes I find my life so ridiculously absurd, all I can do is laugh... Even though deep down inside I feel like I'm going to die. Laughter has always been my defense when life becomes too much. Laughter, in many ways, has saved me..." "There's nothing wrong with that. Once you start laughing, you start healing. If you aren't ready to laugh at what's going on, then laugh at something else. The world is full of ridiculous things. Laugh at those things. Laugh in that brutal way you do, Ryan. Laugh, start laughing, keep laughing. You don't have anything to lose..."

 We were on a road trip with my kids, My sweet Brian and I, Returning the kids back home. The kids were bouncy and full of fun, In the back seat, Laughing and delightful. "Can you two keep quiet?!" He shouted. Turned out he had no patience for them. Later he would say that they were only, "Noxious stimuli..."

Good morning. I just had a knock at the door and I was naked with the front door open. I had to get dirty clothes out of the laundry to answer the door.... Whoopsies!! Oh my!! Well, get naked again and the next knock you hear will be me. I'm headed your way now...

 "Here, Ryan! Catch this beef chorizo!" "Yeah, throw that meat at Ryan! He likes catching meat...!" "Ha, you two are hilarious! Actually I've been throwing more meat around lately. I'm the pitcher of the meat, and the other party is the receiver..." "Funny! You think you know a guy. I had you pegged for a bottom..." "Well, surprise, bitch, I can pitch and receive!!"

We three, we're all alone, Living in a memory, An echo, a shadow, and me. We three, we're not a crowd, We're not even company, My echo, my shadow, and me. What good is the moonlight, The silvery moonlight that shines above? I walk with my shadow, I talk with my echo, But where is the three I love? We three, I'll wait for thee, Even till eternity, My echo, my shadow, and me. We three we're all alone.  Seems like we're living in a memory, That's my echo, my shadow and me. We three, we ain't no crowd, Fact is we aren't even company. That's my echo, my shadow and me. You know I've been wondering, What good is the moonlight, That silvery moonlight, That shines way, way up above? I walk with my shadow,  I talk with my echo, Where is the three that I love? We three, I'll wait for you, Even till eternity, My echo, my shadow, and me. R.L.J.

"I'm sorry, but the ugly dove has to go. He's not good enough for the show. Let's instead make the ugly dove an owl. That should make the audience howl..."

 Rehearsal was nice. Time with you was sweet. This boy is gonna hit the sheets. Thanks for being an amazing man. Goodnight. 💋 💋 💋 

He kept digging deeper, Deeper and deeper, Into the blog. To try to make sense, But he found none, Only nonsense.  Chaos, Yet under the chaos, Order. R.L.J.

Do you need anything from Blair's for the weekend?  Yes. I think it's in the front of the store sometimes, other times it's in the frozen food section. It's sweet, tender, delicious, easy on the eyes and an incredible item only found in your store. If you have trouble locating it... just look in a mirror, you will see what I'm needing. 😏😉😘

"She's ugly and mean, I don't like her if we're being honest. She looks like an ogre, with a ghetto bootie and her laugh is so irritating..." "Well, if I'm being honest I happen to like her a lot. And if I'm being more honest, you look like a Cabbage Patch kid with no eyebrows, with no bootie and absolutely no personality.  How's that for honesty...??"

"There are times I have the oddest feelings about you. When you are close to me, as you are sometimes, I feel as though I have a rope tied somewhere beneath my left rib, where my heart resides, tightly tied to you in a bizarre fashion. When you leave I fear this rope will be severed, and I shall bleed inside..."

It was a rainy day, all day, and a Monday, too. Then all the sudden it was Fall and the world settled down as the temperature dropped. There was a change in the air, and a peace fell over his heart. He had a contentment inside that hadn't been there for a long time. A peace placed in his heart by a man who loved him for who he was, flaws and all.  It's the kind of love one is lucky enough to find but once in a lifetime. A miraculous and mature love that he was once told he would never find if he continued down the road he was on.  Yet here he was, on a rainy Monday on the brink of a delicious Fall. In love with one delightfully, amazingly, rare man. Falling more in love.

Hey Ry Ry, Just wanted to drop you a line and see how you are doing! Haven't heard from you in a long time. Well, five days seems like a long time... I am about done reading the Book of Romans. Started it last night and couldn't put it down and studied all night, forgot to sleep. You should read it... Well, God is really doing a work out on the Rez. On Tuesday we had to deal with demons, so instead of having Bible Study and prayer we only had four Crave members. But we all went to the altar and picked up a burden for someone and we picked up more than one! It was very powerful, wished you could have been there! We did one drama, "Why Do You Run?" Heidi was the main one and me and LuLu were the bad friends! It was good! RyRy, I know your favorite song is "Why Do You Run?" So here it is, track five from the Drama CD: Why do you run? Why do you hide? Don't you know I just want to be with you, to be with you... Looking down from above as you watch the TV, wo...

My Ryan You mean the world to me. Happy Anniversary You have made my life so much fuller. I love you. T. 💙 

"I love playing pretend. I get to be someone else for awhile. It's an escape. Sometimes I get lost in my own little world. It feels dangerous, playing pretend..." "It can be dangerous. We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be..."

I don't feel like I told you how much this weekend meant to me, so I'll tell you again. You being the man you have been in my life makes me feel safe and loved. You taking me back to where I've been before meant so much to me. Being there with you made my heart burn with love, for you.  I want you to be happy. If I can do anything to see you smile, it fills my heart with such joy. I'm glad you are happy and I'm happy because you deserve to be loved and I get to be the one to love you with all my heart. 

 Once upon the last day of a golden Summer, there was a boy and his man... They spent the last day together in the afternoon sunlight, on a jaunt, up into the mountains where they both could feel young again. The boy reminiscent while the man took joy in where the boy once loved a girl. A girl who once owned a heart only to break and forget it. The majestic sky and mountains captivated them both. And an onyx ring was placed upon the boys' finger, and the man loved him, like he never loved another before.

 "Four cars drove out into the night, four passengers each. All headed for their own separate destinations. Only one car arrived at its' destination, with only one driver intact. Those are the odds, my son. The odds of making it to heaven..."

You know, I’ve had this pressing thought for a couple years now that I need to tell you that the Lord loves you. And there is nothing you can ever do that would remove the love He has for you. I am not quite sure how to say that & it’s never really come up in conversation… I just feel like the Lord wants you to know His great love for you. 🫶 So, I guess just texting it to you is the best way I can think of:) I hope you feel better soon & get over your sickness.❤️‍🩹

"Don't talk to that guy. I hear he has a wicked curve with a golf club..." "I was shocked to see him, he tracked me down and wouldn't stop making passes at me..." "He's trouble. I just get jealous a bit..." "I only have eyes for you dear. I don't care if it's foggy or bright, for I only have eyes for you..."

"She was right to take them away from him. He wasn't stable, he wasn't healthy. He was self-destructive, irrational and irresponsible. Frankly, he was dangerous. He couldn't be trusted, yet she still loved him. She did the best she could by him, but couldn't take him for who he was. So she whisked them away, off to a better life, far away from him, where he couldn't hurt them anymore..."

"Who killed Charlie?" "It wasn't the man on the roof, as the media circus would have you believe. It was the man on his right, the man in blue. It was a deep state hit. Home run, dirty and true..."

"They came in the night, from above in the sky. Come to warn me to beware of bearers of false gifts and their broken promises. If I should ignore this warning there would be much pain, yet there was still time, and good out there. They opposed deception. This was their message. Then they left as they came, to the sky..."

"He's still out there, a couple of fingers and a thumb, keeping tabs from afar, waiting for the next blog to drop. He still has a hard on for the man he lost. The poor fool. I do wonder if he'll ever come back to town..."

 "Hey Ry, you wanna try some of this new salad? It's yummy..." "No thanks. I just had the most amazing cabbage burger..." "Oh yeah? Where'd you get a cabbage burger??" "From Tom. It was homemade and delicious, probably the best cabbage burger I ever had. I'll never look at a deli cabbage burger again..." "You better put a ring on his finger, he sounds like a keeper!" "He is. It's our one year Manniversary this weekend. We've been together a year..." "Right on!!" "I said 'Manniversary.' Get it??" "Yeah Ry, I get it!!"

I think of you all the time, I worry about you, I feel your sadness when you can't get to see your beautiful kids as much as you would like. You have been my star on a dark night. Thank you for taking me on your journey through each day. It feels so good. I love you Mr. Ryan. ❤️😘❤️

He could hear them, The noises from above. Noises sent to disturb him,  Yet remind him, That the noises, The noises that came from above, And below him, Were only the noises, The noises from, From within him. R.L.J.

"Nothing may make sense to you right now, for this world is chaos and nothing makes sense. But trust me when I say, if you could see from the beginning to the end, all of it would make sense, and then you would finally understand..."

 Randy wasn't exactly sure of the how. But the how was not his business. The how never really should have been of concern to him. But it generally was. How was he going to do this? How was he going to do that? How, how, how? Letting go was exactly the how that Randy had been looking for. Matching energy and frequency was his new trick, the test, to see if the universe would deliver. There were laws of attraction that governed the universe, so he believed. This was a game changer. This meant that if he changed his energy, the energies around him would change. So, given time and enough energy, things were bound to change. Obviously, change was inevitable. But change, his change, the intentional and deliberate change that he would see in the world, his world... That is where the magic was, or would be, or always was...

A thousand nights he had found himself alone, yet in the love of thousands. Yet a thousand loves still left him alone.

"He lost himself trying to save me out of love, only to have me rewrite him as the villain he always was. Then he watched as people applauded me like I was never anyone to him. It was one of the most soul shattering agonies there was. The irony was that we both found each other in the experience, and lost each other at the same time. Beautifully tragic, just like all the best love stories..."

 He was born a changeling child, Born of goodly parents, Yet born with a defect. One that wouldn't manifest, Until the child had grown, Grown into a man. The child turned man, Had found he was a man, Who needed another man. R.L.J.

My Sweet Ryan, Look at my face, I know the years are showing. Look at this life, I still don't know where it's going. I don't know much, but I know I love you. That may be all I need to know. Your Tom Cat

"Everyone in this family keeps things from each other..." "Well, sometimes it's hard to explain some things. To talk about them. Sometimes we keep things from the people we love because we don't want to hurt them..." "Not knowing hurts, too..."

"Have you ever wondered if the world is not what you think it is?" "What are you talking about...??" "No law, no order, just chaos all the way down. Look around you, we just put a man in the earth and all we can do is drink ourselves silly. Fending off the dark, fending off the end..."

"I'm never early and I'm never late, I arrive precisely when I intend to. I never speak unless spoken to and I waste no time with idle chatter. My clockery, or time pieces, preferably branded horology are impeccably constructed and priced precisely. My father's father and his father before him were clock makers stretching back as far as time can tell. I grew up with sawdust and the constant ticking of tocks, reminding me that time was ever moving and that time was something to be made and not lost, cherished and never forgotten. I feel most do not value time, as I do. Time is all we ever have - and all we ever have is right now. 'Make the most of time, before it runs out.' My father would routinely proclaim..."

"Hey Ryan, a little bird told me that she saw your Ex and his new guy at Bomgaars..." "Oh really...?" "Yes. The little birds name is Mary, and she was asking me why your Ex is with someone else. She thought you two were still together..." "Oh, no. We are not..." "She said they were having a fight and she found it most entertaining..." "Well tell the little bird Mary thanks for passing the little tid bit of tea along..."

"What must we do with him Doctor Dorothy? He's a strong one. How can we suppress his strength of character?" "We must be sure that he remains completely fixated on everything outside of himself. Arguments, political gossip and obsessing on the faults of people he has never met. This will serve as an excellent distraction from advancing in personal virtue, character and the things he can control. Make sure to keep him in a constant state of angst, frustration and general disdain towards the rest of the human race in order to avoid any kind of charity or inner peace from further developing. Ensure he continues to believe that the problem is outside of him, in the broken world, rather than recognizing there is a problem with himself...."

  Dear Noah and Valerie, Good Morning! I love you so much! I am getting Daddy so that he can go get help. I will see you soon! Love you to the moon, sun and stars & back again! Love,          Mommy

"I'm a Hortigender Specialist. Do you know what that is?" "No I do not..." "It means I am attracted to someone based on their back garden. I love back gardens and like to wet my plants at least once a week. They’re a place where I find myself when I need to lose myself. But also a place where I feel the most sexual..." "Is that why you're always naked in the garden?" "Yes sir!"

 Lmao so I have a notification that I have a message on FB so it’s driving me nuts this morning so I’m deleting a bunch of old messages etc so I see Steven in my inbox not a message from him but the “you are now connected” message so I go to delete it but I accidentally click on it and lmfao he has me blocked like ahahahhaha why dude you are so far off my radar. What a psycho. 😂🤌🏻💀 Yes. A psycho. He's just jealous because we are still friends, and you are a rock star real estate agent, and he's not. He wants to come back, but I can't see him being a success there if you are.  It’s just so bizarre frankly!  Right?!

"Do you think I'll find forgiveness for all that I've done?"  “Forgiveness isn't anything you'll ever find. Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past. You need to let that past go, and forgive yourself..."

He sits with his sickly sewn face, My eyes turned up backwards. It's not him, I know him. But hell, I'm imagining him. Behind his shoulders, The frozen tv is watching me, Like a daddy who never said anything. Two eyes, too wide open, Too, too true. There's a crown, yes, It doesn't see anything good. There for the catch. Spoons don't spoon them out, I planted them in his bones. Why didn't he stay? Because he was in pain. Don't hold his breath? No, crush it. I'm off stage, I'm under there. Between the wires and the plugs. My flesh pulsing in the background whispers. Waiting there, watching myself disappear, In high definition.  R.L.J.

"Have you seen his new page? It's a silly little page, called 'Steven Sighting'..." "Ha! I suppose it's his own sort of self attention seeking site meant to respond to my own already sort of successful small town blog..." "Probably. Gay boys once in love, now not, creating fantasy worlds for themselves. Somehow pathetic, yet sweet and romantic. I follow this kind of thing you know..." "Obviously..."

"What would you suggest, Doctor Dorothy? To get past my past? I feel stuck in my old life, it feels too little, too late. I've an over active imagination, how do I let that go...?" "Don't use your conscious past. Use your creative imagination to create a past that belongs to your own character. I don't want you to be stuck with your own life. It's too little. Let go of that past and embrace a future you may or may not be ready for..."

My Dear Ryan, I know you've been to the bottom and worn bruises I understand. I know you've lost sight of yourself and spent time with misery. I know the faith that used to carry you has left you without hope, because you reach your hands to no one on the days that you can't cope. I know the salted water falling from the corner of your eyes is invisible to everyone and you lack the strength to rise. I know you feel it's time to give up and you have no strength to breath. In the darkness that you find yourself that grips so hard you can't leave. I've once been where you are now and I know the feeling of this pain. I know you can defeat this and I know you'll be you again. So take my arm as I embrace you. Let me carry you my friend, because one day soon you'll see this as the beginning, though it's feeling like the end, for they are one and the same. The end is always the beginning.  Jesus 

"Do you believe in dreams Doctor Dorothy? I don't mean the dreams you have while deep in sleep, I mean the dreams you have while wide awake. Do you believe in the dreams people have for theirs lives, the dreams they want to achieve...??" “I don’t believe in dreams or dreaming. I have to say this because over and over again you keep quoting people who had a dream or who dream of a particular outcome. This is ludicrous. It really is. To dream is to be without reason. To dream is to not be awake and in control. You might as well announce to the world that you’ve engaged a couple of fairies. You know, the ones in the forests with the wings, to get you a job or to teach you to speak well or to inspire you. This is ludicrous. Dreams are an illusion. Anything you wish or dreams for in life you have to risk it all and go out there and get for yourself..."

"When you die, your life will be played back through the eyes of everyone who has ever known you. From your greatest lovers to the people you passed in the grocery store. How you loved them, how you treated them, how you viewed them and how you felt about them. You'll see and feel it all. Trust me. I've been there and felt it all. When you die you'll experience the same..."

Our tale was written, but not the same. For you moved on, while I remained.  I held the chapters close to me, but you had closed the book to me. Love requires a second hand, a voice that answers and understands.  Mine was left to tell alone, a story half, a tale disowned. Still I read it, page by page, a book of love, though not engaged.  Half of a story, mine to keep. Mine to keep. And sleep. Sleep and keep.  R.L.J.

The silver and black danced on the screen, there for only him to be seen. The silvers and blacks called back memories in time. It was him up there on the screen, a man he remembered. Lost to time. It was him up there in silver and black. The silver and black had brought him back. Back in time.  R.L.J.

 Ryan,  I pray my Son receives everything he's been working so hard for. I've seen the effort, the sacrifice and the determination he carries everyday, and I know how much it means to him. May every late night, every struggle, and every perseverance turn into blessings and answered prayers. He truly deserves it all. The success, the joy and the fulfillment of his dreams. Love, Your Father

We all sat down to watch a movie together.  But mother requested we all bring out pillows.  "Now listen children. Leave your pillows in your laps. But whenever I say, 'put your pillows against your eyes.' You must bring your pillows to your faces and eyes, to cover them..." For there was something upon the screen she wished were weren't to have seen...

 He sat down with an ancient book of magick symbols and spells. Calling upon arch angels of magick to protect himself and his family from foes and forces who may have ill wills or intentions against them. The angels were sent to prevent and protect. Angels of magick had and always would answer his calls. For his needs were great.

"He's still so freaking angry about everything. The phone, the blog, all of it. He still texts me saying he's not over me and never will be. He comes to town to try to run into me at the store. He text me last night, for the final time. I had to block him, I couldn't take his abuse anymore, even though he's so far away. I blocked him and blogged about it. That's how I dealt with it. One of these days he's gonna get so angry his blood will boil, and hopefully he'll throw a blood clot and drop dead..."

 "There’s so much more to life than finding someone who will want you, or being sad over someone who doesn’t. There’s a lot of wonderful time to be spent discovering yourself without hoping someone will fall in love with you along the way, and it doesn’t need to be painful or empty. You need to fill yourself up with love. Not anyone else. Become a whole being on your own. Go on adventures… dress up for yourself, give to others, smile a lot. Do all things with love, but don’t romanticize love like you can’t survive without it. Live for yourself and be happy on your own. It isn’t any less beautiful, I promise..."

Do the lies wear you down? They must be exhausting. Keeping up with what you tell your friends, family, kids, and lovers. I'm sure it takes a toll on you mentally, emotionally, and physically. Doesn't it always catch up with you? It is impossible to live a happy life like that. Always anticipating when it will fall apart again.   I don't know what lies you are talking about. If you're referring to my blog, some of it's true, some is not, all part of a story I'm glad you're not a part of anymore. I've got more to keep up with than you ever will. Family, friends, children and lovers, my life is full. I've caught up, leaving you behind. I have an impossibly happy life now, happy without you. Things fall apart sometimes, and I'm perfectly alright with that reality. I'm grateful you were the monster you were to me, and that you are so far away from me now. You cannot hurt me anymore. 

 "I don't know if you know this or not. But Margie is some sort of vixen. She asked me after seeing your shower if you and I have ever been naughty in there. I told her, 'yes of course, why would we let a shower like that go to waste?!'"

Ryan Jevne During this hard time, always remember that Christmas is all about the season, always remember having joy with friends and family. Love,         Sara & Trevor Merry Christmas & Happy New Year

"Hey do you guys carry those biscuits that you slap on one end and they pop out the other?" "Why, yes sir, we do! They are over by the cheeses and cream cheeses..." "You mean way over there on the other side of the store??" "Yes sir. You've got to earn them biscuits. Especially if you're going to slap them til they pop..."

 Steven, I want to go back to the night we met. I thought it was for all the wrong reasons. You took me in your arms and never looked back. They told me to take it slow and in a way we did, but only in your patience of me. I didn't have to tell you the lifetime of pain hidden behind my smile. I knew when you look at me you could still see all the scars. There were days you picked up the pieces of a heart you didn't break. I always thought it would take a heart of armor to love me but you shed all your defenses and loved each fragile part as though love was never meant to be a war. I didn't need someone to save me. I saved myself a long time ago. Yet you came into my life and completed a part of me I never thought I needed. I know I'm still learning to love me, but I will never take for granted all the moments you loved me when I couldn't. I want to go back to the night we met. Only to ask you to kiss me sooner, because I never knew forever could be written on a kiss...

"You are a mad man, Ryan. Don't you think so? He's a seventy-one year old man and you're nearly forty-six. And here you are having a mad queer love affair. If that isn't mad man behavior, I don't know what is..." "And there it is, the ridicule, the truth, the judgement and the condemnation all at the same time. I knew you wouldn't understand. And you never will. That's why I feared this conversation to begin with..."

"I do what I have to do, until it finally clicks. Until it clicks inside my mind and reminds me that all the clicks were only tricks. Clicks and tricks that played within my mind..."

"Hey, Ryan. You know what we haven't done for awhile...??" "We haven't got bootched up, that's what!!" "That's right. You wanna get bootched up with me??" "Yes, let's get bootched up together like old times!!" "Have you tried the Unity flavored Kombacha??" "I have not..." "Let's do that bootch!!!" "Ok bitch, let's get bootched!!!"

"You are happy, Ryan. I can see that in you. Is it Tom? Does he make you happy??" "Yes Mother. He does make me happy. Not everyone will understand that. It's as if I knew him in another life and I lost him. And now I've found him again. He's familiar and I love him very much..." "As long as you are happy, my Son, that's enough to make me happy..."

"Aren't you afraid of all this deep and dark therapy, Ryan? Aren't you afraid that you'll find too much out about yourself, all your fears and scars laid out to be dealt with..?" “Some people are afraid of what they might discover if they try to dissect themselves too much. I feel you have to crawl into your wounds to discover what your fears are. Once you know where the bleeding starts, the cleansing and healing can begin. The only way out of the fear and pain is to face it. Deep, dark therapy is the only way..."

"I know this boy named Ryan, and I believe I've fallen in love with him." "I've heard about him. A crazy small town clown who is nothing but trouble..." "Really, boy he has me fooled. All I see is a kind soul. I think he has been hurt in the past, but I am here for him, through thick and thin..."

  Hey RyRy, I have a favor to ask you when you get home, could you come and pick me up at JB's please! Well love you, Love           Sandi then we go to Wal-Mart OK

Ryan & Joy, Hey, I hope you guys will miss me! So I thought I would leave you guys something from me and it is just enough for you two to have some coffee and drink a cup for me. Ok, well, I love you guys and will miss you. I'm going to be gone for -4- days. Well have fun, call me sometime at my house, just make sure it's not after 10:30 pm. My home # 307-883-2771 so please call me. I'll try to call you. Love you, Love          Sandi Lyn

  My Best Friend, How many times were you unaware that I stared at you trying to find a way to make you see what our friendship means to me, and I just can't see why someone like you would be friends with me... I think I'm unpretty, but sometimes you make me realize what I see is not me... and that you love me and never want me to change. You gave me the friendship that only came to me in dreams, and now that it came true I don't know what to do except to be here for you. But when you move a great distance will come between us. One last kiss, one last smile, cause I might not see you for awhile. But our hearts will be close, a phone call away if you ever need me, that's where I'll be. Growing old, married, divorced or widowed. Whatever happens, there will always be a place in my heart set aside for this wonderful guy who was my best friend. The one who loved me for me. The one who taught me that looks aren't everything and that I am pretty.  I hope that now you ...

 Hello my sweet, Well I am hiding from you. I hope you can find me. I have missed you. I look forward to the weekend's so we can "run-a-muck" together. So start looking, and don't worry, Sandi will never know. I love you forever! Forever Yours, Margret!

to my RyRy. Hey Hot Stuff! I hope you got some rest! And I hope you have a good night! I'll see you in the am, you're the best! XOXO Well enjoy! and don't forget you can eat! Love you. Love,               SANDI Cheeks   text me at four to make sure my lazy ass is up please :)

"What the hecks the matter with you, Ryan?! What's going on on your ears?? Are those earrings..?!?!" "Yes. They are magnetic. What's the matter with them, you don't like them??" "Well, they are stylish, I guess. But you look like a man that should be named Colten Steele..." "That was my porn name..."

 Ryan, It seems that our lives are a journey. Each day we wake up knowing just waking up means we have another day to try and make a difference. Not really sure how or why. Thankful for what has happened so far, because everything changes our understanding of life and love.  You, beautiful man, inside and out, have made my life so bright. I'm proud of how you have been so open with me about your struggles. It makes me feel you trust me with your feelings. No judgment, just understanding that we each have lived ours lives the best we could. I'm grateful that you have honored me with your love. I love you.  Tom

I was hoping to see your beautiful face at the BBQ and Bluegrass Festival last weekend. I'm sure you know that I popped into Blair's a couple of times, but I didn't run into you there either.  

Thinking of you laying beside me. Feeling your heart beat, listening to your breathing. Knowing I'm a very lucky man to have you in my life.  I love you my handsome man. Sweet dreams sweetheart.  Goodnight Ryan  💋 

"Someone has to be the King, and it might as well be you. No one else around here could be a more convincing King than you, Ryan. So you shall be the King. And you'll look fantastic next to our Prince, once we find him..."

"How was your vacation Ryan? I'm glad you're back, I missed you brother!" "Thanks! It was great. I did all the things. It was nice to get away for awhile, but I missed you all here at work. It's like coming back home. So, what's the tea around here, did I miss anything...??" "Oh, yes. You did. Be glad you weren't here yesterday... Your Schloz Nozzle Ex came through here. He was looking down all the aisles, for you of course. I wanted to yell at him and say, 'He's not here you idiot!' But I didn't..." "Yeah, I heard he was in town. I'm glad I wasn't." "Yeah, you should be glad. He was with somebody. From a distance I thought it was a short lesbian girl, but when I got closer, I realized, oh, that's a boy..." "That's his new boyfriend, Joe. I hope he's happy with him, but I know he's not. I feel sorry for them both..." "He's burned a lot of bridges around here....

"Ryan, you grew up believing that strength meant you had to hide how you felt. Real strength lies in your emotional honesty. You needed to tell someone when you were hurt, you were overwhelmed or needed support. And when you express these things, it is not weakness, it is courage. When you show up with your truth instead of pretending everything is fine, you give yourself permission to be human. You also allow deeper connections because people see the real you, not the mask you wear. Healing begins when you stop carrying everything alone and let yourself be known. Vulnerability is not a flaw, it is the bridge that builds trust. Build a bridge using your vulnerability and you'll be pleasantly surprised who you'll find on the other side..."

"I've got too many issues, too many doubts. Too many doubts and too many issues that keep me without. And that's why I'm without. I've too many issues and too many doubts..."

"Don't turn on the light. Nothing is ever real in the light. Everything is only ever real in the dark..."

There was static, Coming from behind the TV. The static, It told me he wasn't, Wasn't right for me. Silly, but right. Static TV. RLJ 

I know you never respond, but I know you get these. I think about you constantly. The passion and the love. Do you miss it? You know how incredibly beautiful we were together.

At first sight I died, as you walked into my sight, I prayed to the Gods to make you mine. Then, meeting you for the first time with just one hand shake and a look into those mystical eyes, A true friend I hoped to find, Never knowing it might come true. Giving me butterflies with just one friendly hug,  And a kiss now and then, Helps me notice how lucky I am for once in my life I found, A true friend and with that, I hope it never ends.  To: Ryan Happy 23 Birthday Love, Sandi Lyn Wolfley

To: RYRY & JOE JOE, Hey you two!! How is you? Well I hope ya'll have a good night! Well, I have made the kittie some food! Could you please put it out for me?! Thank you a bunches, but could I get a wake up call @ 4:00? That would be great!! Oh if you get some time you should try my meatballs, there are 5 so ya each could have 2 and 1/2, so share. But I know you all don't like my cooking, but please try, I swear it won't kill you, most likely just give you a mad shooting poop, but you should be good! Or you could eat a burger or quiche. I know Joe you told me real men don't eat quiche so you both are ok, you can eat it. Heehee... kidding... Well, have a good night. Love, SANDI Cheeks 

"So I went to the 'Farm to Fork' fundraiser tonight. And boy what a bust it was... Hardly anyone was there, expect the Red Dirt Master Gardener's women. They were as unpleasant as a bunch of pigs that just found out they are going to the butcher..."

I laid down, It was late, too late to rise with grace. The bed wasn't mine, I glanced at the walls, Bare, in a way that called upon memory. A coat hung up, A glass half full, The smell of a cologne not mine. I thought to myself, Whoever he might be, He won't be coming back. So I dropped the thought. Then I stood barefoot on the floor, Sighed a small sigh, Like a man who opened a window, But couldn't look outside. There was no love, No theft. Only a body that found sleep, Where none was expected. No one kicked me out, Only shadows on the walls, Who seemed to know everything, Yet never tell their secrets. R.L.J.

"Life takes from you, Ryan, as it tends to do. Yet it could not take the heart in you. It could not steal the fire's light, nor the way you stand and fight. It couldn't touch your hope inside, or dim the glow you've always tried to hide. In the end, you came to see, you kept the parts that make you, you. And all you lost, for all you wept, the strongest things are the ones you kept..."

To RyRy and Mandi!  Dear Ryan and Mandi! Hey you two, hope you have a great night! Please feed the kittie, and Mandi Do Not Rape Sir Ryan!! If you could please give me a wake up call! Mandi hope you had a better day. Look at it this way, you do not have to work with Sid. Heehee... that's not nice.  Ryan, Margaret came by, said she will be hiding, find her... Well love you all. Love, Sandi Cheeks

Ryan, I don't see how it's so easy for you to walk away from all the feelings you obviously have for me. I'll continue to feel everything for you I've always felt. I don't care. I love you anyhow. It is too late to turn you out of my heart. Part of you lives there. Jonah

 Hello my dear sir, sexy and snarky Ryan, Since I have only a few short weeks here with you, I thought I'd try my hardest to get to know you. We seem so alike, you and I. You seem fragile and broken, I feel I'm broken and fragile, too. You seem timid and afraid to open up and trust others, I am much the same. I see deep pieces of you that I see in myself, dark pieces that need a safe place to be shared. Believe it or not, I've read parts of your story and I have similar stories I could share with you, if you'd let me.  Here's hoping you'll let a similar heart help you open your own. Hayden Roarke

I sat in my bishops' office, still a tender seventeen years old. Sent to sit and confess my sins from the Summer of 1997. I'd spent the Summer being a lusty lad, having plenty of passionate, hormonal sex with my lovely Miss Rita Rosalie. I cried as I laid my sins out there for a man that may or may not have cared. It was his job to take it to God for me. It was my job to confess to him. And in theory, if I never sinned like that again, I'd be forgiven. His words rocked my brains for days after, plunging my fragile psyche into a tailspin of depression that took months to overcome. "Do not believe for a moment that light and darkness are not fighting for your soul. Both can pull at you with mighty force. It is a battle to the very end and there will only be one clear winner. Darkness is clever, but light, light makes the knees of darkness tremble. There is still light in you, I can see it shining brightly. When you sin as you have done, the clever darkness can dim that b...

RyRy, I don't want to let you go but I can only do so much! I pray all the time for you! I know God is doing a lot for you right now and I know what you are going through. Remember God gave His Son for us. What are you going to give God? Give up, give in, give all. RyRy, make sure you put on the armor of God so you won't be hurt in the battle of good and evil. 2 Timothy 2:22 I'm not deciding if you are going to hell or not but I'm trying to keep you out of it, once again I don't want God to say to my friends 'Be gone for I don't know you...' I love you and I wish I could do it for you, but I can't. I love you so much. Love,          SANDI if I had money I would get you something but I bought you all I could afford. Sorry I failed you as a friend. But I'm more sorry I failed God! 

"Ryan. Won't you please sit down with me? Sit down with me in a place of peace and surrender. A place where we can both see each other face to face. A place where we can lay all this chaos to rest. This might be the place where we can finally understand each other, love each other and finally forgive each other. Can you meet me there, Ryan, please...?!"

"Ryan, what if I told you there is no God?" Jacob began the next session with a blunt, pointed question. He didn't ask it in a way that Ryan found offensive. He asked in a way meant to awaken him. "It's possible I suppose. If there is a God, there very well could not be a God. Yet I was taught since childhood that God watches us, punishes us and saves us. That I must follow rituals, worship blindly and fear God to stay safe..." "Can't you see through that illusion Ryan? Is your God real? Or is He just a projection of your fear?" "My fear? Fear of what??" "Well, we all have fears. We fear death so we invented heaven. We fear pain so we invented karma. We fear being alone so we invented God." "Are you coming to your point Doctor Jacob?" "Yes Ryan. Truth doesn't need belief, it only needs awareness. Truth is a pathless land. There are no priests, books or temples that can be given you. So, if there is no God,...

"Boy, do I hate a whole lot of people around here. Stupid dumb fucks who can't do their jobs. Drives me crazy working here. Don't you hate people around here Ryan...??" "I can safely say, I don't hate anyone. Hate is a really strong word. Being an emotionally intelligent person means you can never fully hate someone because you understand there's a reason why they are the way they are..." "Dang Ryan. I was hoping you'd start a list with me, but you just put me in my place..."