gayNwyo

  5-7-07 Dear Ryan, Good morning my love. I just wanted to say that I am sorry for how crazy and stressed I have been. On many occasions you probably wanted to just get on a plane and leave. Thank you for staying. I am sorry that last night I made it harder to sleep with me than in a room that smelt like a burning styrofoam pit. I know that I am and always will be a difficult person, but I also know that I love you. I don't think I could ever forgive myself if I lost my chance with you! You mean the world to me and I could never find someone as wonderful as you again! Please bear with me and know that I will love you until the end of time!                         Love,   Katie

"So, Ryan, you've taken an older man as your new lover. Should I be concerned about the dynamics of this relationship? Are you happy? Aren't you concerned with how this might appear to other people...??" "I'm not concerned in the least, no. I don't care about appearances or looks, age or vanity. All that matters to me is how I feel when I am with him. He makes me happy and that is enough for me. That should be enough for you, too. Can't you just be happy for me...??"

I'd once again cast my pearls before swine. In other words, my sweet, fresh semen. Cast before an ungrateful pig, one who didn't fully appreciate anything that was so orgasmically given him. They couldn't be taken back, as they lay there gleaming on his chest, given in genuine love and lust. He quickly jumped out of bed to dance into his sweatpants, rather than lay in the afterglow, where I'd rather he stay. He was always so quick to walk away.

Ryan,  I love you and can't wait to see you, hold you, kiss you and make sure you know what you mean to me. T.J.

  11/9/94 I don't know the first thing about writing in a journal. I just needed something to put my thoughts down on.  Today was almost like any other day. I got up at 6:30am and got ready for Seminary. Our teacher is Bro. Mark Hammer, got a few screws loose, but overall ok. We had a scripture chase for Seminary Bucks. After that I had to pile in Amber Shoopman's small clown car. Six people I think is the max we could get in that noisy thing. The drive to RHS was short, but long. Had a test in first hour, Physical Science. I studied, but still I don't think I did too hot. Second hour is laid back time for me. We watched a movie called 'What's Eating Gilbert Grape.' Third hour, English One, I went to the media center to gather some statistics on youth driving. Amber Kirkham is the girl in the class that I can talk to, I like that, not that she's good looking or something.  Nope, my girl's Jessica DuCharme. She's very interesting, unique, cute and ove...

Ryan ~ I don't know what you want me to say. I don't understand why you are upset, or what I did. But I think you are wonderful. I really can't explain how I feel about you. Everything about you and about us excites me and scares me at the same time. Every time I am alone with you, I know I shouldn't be. But anytime I am away from you, you plague my mind and all I can think about is when I see you next. I am sorry about the cigarette issue. I want to be with you, I want to kiss you, but the taste is too strong for me. Please don't be mad. I wish I could explain everything for you, but I myself don't understand completely. I want to just say to heck with everything & let myself admit what I am feeling, but I can't & I won't. Like you said, with you & I both leaving there is no point in getting any deeper than we have. I know these are very scattered thoughts, but that is the way I think.  I love the way you make me smile & I love the way y...

 He pinned my wrists down with his strong palms, firmly but gently against the deep blue sheets. He groaned as I moaned. His silver beard brushed against my ear, driving me wild once again. He thrust into me as he confessed, "I should have given you more of this..."

 "Hey Ryan, you're nipping out... your nipples are showing under your shirt, real perky... what's that all about...??" "Whenever I get nervous or stressed or worked up, my nipples get all up..." "I can see that!!" "Yeah, they used to tease me in school. They'd call me 'Nipple Boy.'"

Ryan, I wish I was star of the week. You're real lucky! I wanted to be star of the week. I haven't been star of the week since the beginning of the year. Jeremy L

Ryan, Is it nice to be star of the week? I don't know cuz I'm always bad. You should try it sometime. What's it feel like to be good? What did one star say to the other? Who's the new comer? Get it? You're star of the week. I do that to break the ice. JT Lowe

"You know, Ryan, that house you used to live in is haunted as hell. Some paranormal researchers investigated it and said it is a cross roads for so many spirits in the area..." "I know. Trust me, I lived there for three years and the things I experienced there had me questioning everything I ever thought I believed about heaven and hell."

 He was watching Outer Range on Amazon. Episode 5, The Soil. The motel sex scene has him asking, "How did they get this scene so right?!" Sex in a Wyoming motel is just like that. Ask him how he knows.

"It's hard to know anyone else, isn't it? No matter how long you've known them. It's hard enough to know yourself..."

  My Dearest Ryan, I hope you know how much I love you! I love to see you with our Noah, being a Daddy just comes so natural to you. I am sorry if I ever make you feel that you aren't doing enough, because you are doing so much! I am so proud of you for going back to school, & I know you will be a great psychologist & help so many people. Thank you for being so wonderful! As both a father & a husband. I couldn't ask for better for Noah & I. Love You to Pieces! Katie

 "Um, excuse me Deli Lady, can you please tell me if these Navajo Taco's are made by real Navajo's??" "No, they are not..." "That's right! They are made by Deli Hoes!"

"Well, she's called out again, the dumb ass bitch. From now on we shall refer to her as Katherine, 'The Call Out Queen.' That bitch calls out more than any other dumb ass bitch here..."

 Dear Ryan, What's up? Nothing's going up! How are you? So is there anything going on in your life? Nothing good in my life. So do you like math? Do you like reading? Do you like Science, or do you like Social Studies? Well, I don't like any of those subjects! You must think I hate you. Well, here's the truth: Really I think you're ok. For a friend!! Stay Cool, Sloan B.

After the events had ended, that's when the sleepless nights and the paranoia began. Was it really over? Would they come back? Would they come back to finish what they started and take revenge? Perhaps with a Molotov Cocktail through the thin glass window??

He was the one I loved the most. He lay sleeping next to me, under the same sheets in the warm twilight. In the silence of the summer moon beams his face was tilted towards mine. His arm laid softly around my breast. In that night, I was happy.

 Heading to bed.  I love you Mister Ryan. XOXO 😘 I'm sleepy, too. I love you Tender Tom. XOXO! 💋   

Your soul knows, It knows where it's been, And where it goes. Trust your soul, My dear Ryan, And there you'll find, Home.  R.L.J.

Ryan, Hello my Love! Sorry it has taken me so long to get a letter sent. I will try to be better. :) I think about you all the time though. I am going to stick to my tradition and get you something from every place I go. I will try to do magnets if I can find them, but sometimes it might be things like seashells from the beach. This seashell is from Pasa Grille Beach, my first beach since coming. There is also a "surprise" from the airport in Albuquerque, N.M. and one from John's Pass. That is where we went on Sunday with the kids. It was a big pirate celebration and the kids loved it! I got myself a ring and a key chain, you will have to see them. I hope you are able to decide what you want to do this Summer. I am sorry that is stressing you out. :( No matter what you choose to do, or where you go, just look for the things that will make you happy. Keep up with the writing too. So I made it through my first semester... not a bad one though. If they are bad the family wou...

"Someday soon, Ryan, once you've lived all of your nightmares in real life, you'll wake to find all of your dreams have come true."

He laid her to rest, His fag hag. He cried at her burial side, His face with tears and snot. He remembered her, But could not himself forgot. R.L.J.

"Of all the needy B's around here, you are my favorite!" "Awe, thanks, you're my favorite, too..." "It smells like you've been cleaning back here, that's not like you at all." "Listen, I'm in a great mood and nothing's gonna get me down." "When a girl be cleaning, there's something on her mind. What's up?" "Can I take my break now?" "Of course you can. I'm sorry, after everything that happened, I shouldn't have said what I said about you going outside to smoke and kill your baby. Cuz it actually happened and I feel horrible about that..." "It's not big deal, like I said, nothing's gonna get me down..." "That's why you're my favorite needy B!"

"I'm Coochie Boochie, that's her nickname for me..." "And what's your nickname for her...??" "Itchy Nips." "Itchy Nips?!?" "Yes! She told me today that her nipples were itchy..."

"Are you having such a great day today?!" "Of course I am! My favorite cashier is back today." "Oh, you mean what's her face in the liquor store?" "Whoa, maybe you should learn people's names, you really should try harder you know..." "Why should I name something that I may or may not kill later?!?" "Damn! We aren’t talking about a pet gold fish here, she's a person..." "All life is of equal or lesser value to me. I could really care less..."

It seemed he was always chasing a feeling. A feeling that brought him closer to the feeling of him.  A him he had lost. A him he would give anything to hold again.

"A group of ravens is an unkindness." "I love that you remember the little things." "There's nothing little about your thing..." "It was my pleasure pleasing you today." "You always get me so hot, not only sexually but just being close to you gets me..." "I feel the same..."

Hell doesn't really exist. Here's what I feel hell really is. It is the great divide between all that I wished I could do or wanted to do and all I really did. I am here to be used, spent and valued. All my dreams are for naught. I'm here to work, to value myself and to do what I'm meant to do. On the other hand, hell is in my face and the flames are my own feelings, failures, rages and regrets. Hell is something we face in ourselves, not somewhere we are resigned to reside. I must face my own hell here on Earth, rather than make reservations there.  Somewhere that doesn't exist. Somewhere that exists only inside my soul.

 7-18-06 Hello Ryan! Just thinkin about you and thought I'd say hi... Hi! So, thanks for the little afternoon surprise today, it was very nice! I'm sure we won't have any trouble passing time when I visit... I hope that's not all we do though. :) That sounds like a reasonable idea about your car. I'm sure it would break your Mother's heart though, you've barely had it a year. But you do have a good point. I still can't believe I was offered a job as a music teacher! I never thought that was possible at this point in my life, it's amazing how things work out. I'm sure that things will work out for you too. I hope that we will be together someday, but you never can tell. One of us would have to take a big risk for that... actually, we both would.  But it might be a risk that's worth it. :) I Love You! ~ Katie

Pretty boy, pretty, pretty boy Stop your living Come and say you love me Give up that world You can be free I'm like you, your kind and I can see You go on, go on I love you, pretty boy My life is yours You can have my world Never had a lesson, I ever learned But I know, we all get our turn And I love you Never learn not to love you Submission is a gift Go on, give it to your lover Love and understanding Is for one another I'm your kind I'm your lover I never had a lesson I never learned I know we all get our turn I love you Never learn not to love you Never learn not to love me Never learn not to love we My pretty boy, pretty, pretty boy R.L.J.

I buried my lips into his strong, warm silver chest. I rubbed my cheeks and chin around his chest until I found the perfect place in his arms. I fell asleep there, only to awake and roll over to be the little spoon to his big spoon. I then thought to myself, is this what people feel is dangerous? Two souls finding peace in each others arms, bathed here in the moonlight. How could a beautiful love like this be feared by others?

She wore a dress that looked like freshly whipped whipped cream, perfectly placed in all the right places. But just like whipped cream she would need to be attended to quickly, or she'd run all over the place. 

Ryan, I've got some words for you, you rotten ungrateful developing man baby.  After you get what you want you don't want it anymore. I'd give you the moon but you'd get tired of that soon. You're just like a child, you want what you want when you want it, but then when it's given to you you're discontented.  You're always wanting and wishing for something and when you get that something you don't want it. I could sit on your knee but I fear you would soon grow tired of me. You've got this changeable nature, always changing your mind.  You've got this look in your eye that I cannot satisfy. I don't want to make you blue but you need a good talking to, because after you get what you want you don't want what you wanted at all. You can't fool me, I can see right straight through you. I hope someday you get all that you want, so you'll find that you'll never be happy with enough.  Luke

"I talk with my dead mother every morning and every night before bed..."

I haven't slept a night right through since the night I left you.  Things haven't been quite right in the night without you. I roll over in the night expecting to find you and you are never there.

Lozell found me buried deep in the underground cyber gay land. He said his middle name was Floyd. Silly man should have known that I knew him for who he really was. My long lost dead brother from another lifetime ago. 

He stood in the corner of my room every night. He watched me sleep. I'd awake in the dark to feel him standing above me. In the morning he was never there. I'd tell of him throughout the days. No one ever believed me. He must have been my angel, sent to watch over me in the dark night.

"I just woke up from a nap. I was having a dream about you and I lost you in a crowd. It was unsettling..."

I wore your shirt to a funeral yesterday. It still smelled faintly of you. It brought me comfort in my moment of loss. I miss your smell, I miss your style and I miss you by my side. Losing someone to death is much easier than losing someone to living mixed up silly circumstance.

"I really appreciate your calm and even temperament around here, Ryan. You stay cool and level headed when things get dramatic and chaotic. When other people lose their heads, there you are, the calm, cool and collected eye in the middle of the storm. And I know you've probably got your own storms to weather, in here and out there, yet you never let it show. Seems to me you've weathered storms before and now you're the captain of your own heart, ready and waiting the next tempest. You should be proud of yourself."

So ridiculous and momentary Is our journey  Through this life The only thing That brings peace Is the awareness Of having been true To the person Most like myself To mine own self was true R.L.J.

"Hey, Ryan. I know you think I'm a jerk, but I want to be with you." "Why??" "Because we like each other. I know you want forever, but just live in the moment..." "I want something more than a moment. I want and need a man who's going to be there for me, not just in the moment, but in all my moments..."

The porcelain began to sing as a surge of my urine danced against it. I'd just made mad love to a much older man, a sexy mature man, old enough to be my father. I realized then and there that I'd been here before, long before.  A place where I'd begged for love and received it.

"This time tomorrow I hope to be wrapped up in your arms." "What a beautiful thing that will be. Hearing your heart beat, feeling your skin against mine, melting into each other..." "Mmm... yes sir..."

He was always haunted, Always taunted. He was always taunted, Always haunted. Haunted by his own shadow, Always haunted, Haunted by his own soul. Always taunted, Haunted by his own soul.  R.L.J.

I wrote myself out of his story, I painted myself out of his portrait. I left him out in the cold, I was left with a story untold. A cold story, Unsold. R.L.J.

"It's so stupid, isn't it? You think you know yourself better than anyone else and yet you'll still melt despite yourself at the words of someone who hasn't lived a moment of your life. Focus on your own beautiful voice, for it's the only one that truly matters, silly boy..."

  Ryan, I'm glad you're star of the week. I think you are a nice person. I like the sweater you are wearing. I like your Trapper Keeper. How old are you? What's your favorite color?? Well, it's been nice talking to ya. Sarah Nelson

Ryan, I can see who you are, you're one who sometimes cannot sleep at night because your soul doesn't know peace. You're the kind that looks for beautiful things in the darkness because that's where your soul has spent some time, in the darkness. You're the kind that love the wolves because you don't fear them. You are the type to play the same old love songs over and over, just so you can feel all of the emotions all over again. You'll wake up each day and slap a smile on your face for the sake of all those around you, just so no one knows the sadness you carry inside. But I see you, as one who struggles to wake up and fight each day. You're one who has more bad days than good under your belt, and you still get up and try with everything you have, even though you want to give up and give in. I can see you, wanting to live the ultimate fairy tale when life has only delivered you material for a nightmare. I hope you never lose that spark I can see burning...

6-1-94 I feel totally bummed out. Jessica is leaving for Wisconsin in a few days and won't be back til early August. Sucks way hard! It's gonna tear me apart. Two months is like a lifetime waiting to see someone you love. The Coburn's, the Blair's and us Jevne's went to Atlantic City for Memorial Day. Venessa, me, Reichert, Fara and Rochelle went swimming and hiking and almost everything else. It was a blast. Too bad we can't relive it. Like the night Jess and Venessa, me and Reichert snuck outside. I would give anything I own to play that night over. I will miss Jess always and almost died when I found she was leaving for practically the whole Summer. Things could be worse, she could be gone all Summer. But if that's what Jessica wants to do with her Summer, I won't argue with it. I'll be right here waiting for her when she returns.                                       ...

Tom was transcendent, He was timeless. Tom was eternal, He was forever. Tom was young in heart, He was innocent and pure. Tom found me in a dark place, He found my light there. Tom showed me what love is, He loved me despite myself. Tom was and is love, He is transcendent.  Transcendent Tom.

I was told to kneel and pray, and ask for another day. The prayer went like so... "Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take." Breaking that prayer down, as I child, it taught me to fear sleep, death, my soul and my Lord. And the fear of prayer.

5-31-94 Love. When I first fell for her I wasn't expecting to be hurt in the least. It was her that stole my heart and no one else. I look at other girls and think no one is more beautiful and none other could make me as happy as Jessica. I need her. If she breaks up with me I'll die or commit suicide. She's the only thing in my life that's going right instead of wrong. I still think she doesn't think of me n' stuff but oh well, I guess she hasn't really found what love can do to ya.                                                                                                                                ...

5-24-94 Nothin' new here, just that school is almost out. I'm gonna miss my friends. Got my yearbook today. I was flipping through it and saw Jessica. Couldn't keep my eyes off her, she's a doll. She still hasn't wrote me back yet, hope she will soon. Two more girls asked me out, had to refuse, didn't want to anyway. Wish Jess didn't leave Riverton. Every day we're apart my heart aches more & more. Went to Reichert's party. It sucked. Slept in a tent, listened to music, freaked out like hell, launched rockets. I begged Venessa to invite Jess to his party, but she probably would not have liked it. Got Reichert a 20$ bill for his B-day - cool huh?                                                                                      ...

"Ryan, you don't understand. This place stresses me out. I'm on the edge of losing my shit. No one listens to me and no one cares. I'm this close to quitting my job and killing myself. Anything is better than working here..."

  5-13-94 Friday the 13th, whoa, pretty scary huh?! Well, don't got much to say today. Just that I love Jessica desperately, and miss her terribly. Good night~                                                                     Ryan Jevne

  5-12-94 Well today was like any other day, went to school, did work, did my route, came home, did homework, and now I'm going to bed. Being so far apart from someone you love can really kill ya. Jess will probably get bored of me and dump me before I have time to tell her how I feel. Tomorrow I have to give a speech in LA. Suck! Oh well, at least it's Friday. That means staying somewhere, and freedom. Can't wait for Summer, hurry up... Teachers can be such asses sometimes. Like Mrs. Rivers, Starbuck, Aspinwall, Fleak... Mr. Gardner especially, butthole... I guess it's been so long since they were kids. Oh well. I won't forget being a teenager. This girl asked me out today, but I turned her down, as not to break my relationship with Jessica. Besides, no girl could replace Jess, no girl! I'm in love with her and wouldn't do anything to hurt her. Well gotta go...                          Ryan Jevne

Good morning! Sunday, but not too sunny here. Spring forward has come. I had a very hot dream about us last night. I had to take care of business to get back to sleep. I love you! 😘 XOXO  Good morning! It's gloomy here. I woke up hard, with thoughts of you. I'll need to take care of business, too... 😉 I love you! 💋 

5-11-94 Nothing's really cooking around this place, boring as usual. I'm dying for a weekend. I wonder if Jess got my letter? Hope so. What should I do this weekend? Go to a movie, stay somewhere, call Jessica, go swimming? The list could go on & on & on. Oh well, I'll probably just lounge around the house doin' chores 'n stuff. I miss Jessica, wish she was here. Gotta get my homework done by tomorrow or I'll be in deep. My life is boring. I even thought about committing suicide today. Jokes, I have too much to live for to die now. Jessica, school, friends, driving, this list could go on too. Seems I can't think 'bout nothin' but Jessica. She's so awesome, babalicious and totally cool, too cool for me. She drives me wild, boy she's got it all. Could say lots more 'bout my woman, but gotta go eat before Mom gets pissed.                                         ...

5-8-94 Man I miss her already. Jess just left. I feel so bad that I didn't say goodbye to her. I feel like there's nothing to live for if Jessica isn't around. I wish I would have told her how I felt about her before she left. Her eyes said goodbye, through my eyes anyway. I need to tell her how I feel before she dumps me. She's all I can think about in school, at home, everywhere I go. I love her and I always will, she's stolen my heart like no other girl has. I almost feel like telling her, but every time I get the chance I can't do it. I'm such a coward.                                                                                                             ...

5-5-94 Well today sucked. Jessica came over and stayed with Venessa. Last night sucked too. I've learned that if you fall in love with someone, don't expect them to fall in love with you, and expect to get hurt. I care about Jessica, but I don't think she even cares for me. I feel so depressed. Jessica is just too good for me, and I don't think our friendship will last much longer. I still love her though and won't ever forget her. We're gonna play poker with candy tonight, hope that'll turn out ok. I need to tell Jess how I feel about her, but if I do I think she'll freak and that would blow everything. But I can't keep my feelings bottled forever.                                                                                      ...

5-5-94 Well, there goes my plans for the weekend. Venessa and I planned a fun filled Friday night, go to the movie, come home, play cards, then sneak out. But what was making this fun was Jessica was coming over. But now those plans went south. Venessa is going to babysit and take Jessica with her. Man, that pisses me off! Oh well, I've only been looking forward to this all week. Maybe I should go to the movie anyway, with Riechert. That would be ok. But not as fun as it would have been with Jessica. There's no way Venessa will change her mind. Well gotta go.                                   Ryan Jevne

"You know Ryan has this gay blog, right??" "Yes, I know, and he's going to hell for all that. You know that, right!?!?"

Hope you had a good day. I love you and miss you. Going to bed. Sweet dreams my beautiful man. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ It was a lovely day, thoughts of you were never far away. I love and miss you. Sweet dreams my sweet man. ❤️ 💙 💜 💖 💗 

4-24-94 I'd give anything to have Jessica here beside me. To tell her I love her, I need her. I've fallen in love with her, madly in love. The way she smiles, the way she laughs. I care about her and miss her. We're too far apart. I need to tell her how I feel, somehow. I didn't know how lucky I was to be going out with her until she left.                                                                     Ryan Jevne

4-18-94 I feel unsure about a girl I'm going out with. Her name is Jessica DuCharme, my sister's best friend. I am not sure if she likes me as much as I like her. She's fun to be with, interesting, aggressive and very unpredictable. I feel for her like I've never felt for any other girl. I care about her and don't want anything to hurt her. She came over just last weekend and we snuck out of the house around mid-night and went for a short walk. Jessica wanted to hold my hand, but I wanted more. I'll never forget her for as long as I live, she has had a big impact on my life. I don't know what to say, but I think I'm falling in love with her. She's got beautiful blonde hair, mysterious eyes, she's stuck in my mind. But I still have my doubts about her and other boys. I bet she'll break up with me before this weekend. I hope not. If she does I'll still like her as much as I did when we first met. Wow, she is remarkable, she's my first r...

3-24-94 Time goes by too fast. Just two days ago I was in my sister's recital, arranged by Victoria. It was at the CWC Arts Center. It was based on and around Disney's Aladdin. I was one of the two boys in the show, besides Peter, all the rest were girls. It was amazing, my first time on stage. I danced one dance with Harvest Crippen, to 'A Whole New World.' I wasn't that nervous that night, as I was on Sunday nights' rehearsal. Backstage was ok, and I got my own dressing room, with lockers and a shower. I practiced the dance at least fifteen times in there so I wouldn't embarrass Harvest or myself. Oh, did I mention I was Aladdin? Ours was the second to last song and Venessa opened the song with her dance, and Harvest and I finished, but had to add three extra steps on the end of it. It was loads of fun, and I'll never forget it, ever. It snowed after the show, which was kinda ok with me.

"Hey, Ryan, how old are you...??" "I'm forty-five." "Shut up! No you are not! I thought you were in your early thirties!" "Nope, forty-five." "What's your secret? You use a moisturizer??" "I can't tell you..." "It's semen isn’t it?!" "Yep, that's it! I've got jars of it stashed away, and I apply it every day..."

"Do you think he still reads your blogs?" "Probably not, although I hope so. I only ever blog with the hopes that he's still out there, somewhere, still reading my heart bleeding blogs..."

 Jessi , I don't have much time to write this, so I'll just get to the point. How are you feeling? Better I hope. Kitty isn't still upset with me is she? Of course I can't blame her, that was a bad move on my part. But what really upset me was the fact that I told you I would go to that round for you, and didn't. I'm sorry. I don’t think I'll go this weekend. Maybe the next meet. I feel confident with my piece, but not about other things. So, um, I guess that's it. Don’t worry about writing back, you never have before. Smile for me. Ryan P.S. ~ The sun is always shining above the clouds. 

Good morning! The sun is shining bright, but not as bright as my heart is shining loving you. XOXO

 5-6-98 Dear Ryan, Hey hon! How are you? Good it sounds like. Things are good and bad here. It seems like everything in the past week has been a 'gain something - lose something.' I got my new apartment. It's really cool. I love it. I'm not completely moved in yet, but I'll get there. On the bad part of my week, I found out Wednesday that the girl I was best friends with where I grew up was killed in a car accident. Ryan, it hurt so bad. I couldn't stop crying for 4 days! I couldn't sleep because every time I closed my eyes, I would see her. All I can think about are the things we used to do. Some were every day routines, others are special memories I'll always cherish. The thing that hurts the most is that I have nothing tangible to remember her by. God it hurts. I never thought I would have to face the death of a close friend like that. We're all so young and alive. Goes to show what alcohol can do. You don't even have to be wild for it to happ...

"You'll wake up tomorrow to find that the world isn't the same anymore and your place in it isn't there anymore..."

"I love you my Ryan. I love your smile, laugh and heart. Oh, heck I love every part of you..."

Just a little note... Mr. Ryan,  You have made me very happy.  You are a beautiful soul and I am honored to have you in my life.  I love you, Tom