gayNwyo

Latest Grindr Chat: woof Oh yeah?! Oh ya Where are you? In Cody off of Yellowstone rd at wk right now. U Worland  Damn it. I couldn't do that until tomorrow What u into Chubby Daddies with Beards.

I was a gay child.  So I had to live in the land of not. "No you're not!" So I was not that. Until I couldn't help but be that. In the Land Of Not. 

"You're just like a barn cat I had when I younger." He described me after we'd had a tender and tumultuous fight. "How so?" I was curious. "Because you were cute and adorable. I wanted to catch you, but then you scratched me up..."

Ryan, I've had the pleasure of sharing my time with you, on and off the stage. You are a unique and rare man. There were never any walls of defense with you, Ryan. No hesitation at all. Everything I wanted to be, you were, as an actor and as a man. You were wild and free, fully present and without fear, vulnerable and open in expression. An example of frail masculinity, sensitive and furtive as a tender kitten. A soft beast and a doll, all wrapped up in a beautiful package. I've fallen in love with you, but I won't pursue you, unless you ask me to.  I'll always be waiting in the wings, whether in this lifetime or the next. Jonah

"It's just a little small town blog, I didn't think it would be so popular, but it really blew up. It's had over 9000 views since January." "What made you start the blog?" "It started out as fun, a way to share my story. But also to share the shameful and shameless parts of my life. Parts of my life I couldn't share in any other way. It feels so good to get it out there. To share it with the world." "Damn, that's daring! I admire that kind of raw vulnerability and shamelessness!" "It's not all shameless, there's a whole lot of beauty buried in there, too."

There was a little lost boy, One who had something to say. But that little lost boy, No one saw him that way. In one last cry, He cried 'see me that way!' Please see me that way, And stay.

I farted once on the couch, next to the man I loved, thinking nothing much of it. After all, shouldn't I feel comfortable enough with him to let one fly? No. Without a split second thought he was fierce and judging.  "You are disgusting!"  He couldn't possibly have known how much that hurt me. Because he never thought about anything he said or how it flew out of his mouth.

I just got home, hot boy. Didn't hear your message, because the music was pretty loud. Haha. Wow! As far as yesterday afternoon and last night, mmmmm. I don't know where to start and finish. I just need some more Ryan pie! And my 🍆 inside your sweet 🍑 !!! You are amazing. You make me happy, and my heart skip a beat. I can't wait to see you again!

He took one last fleeting glance at the nice little house with the brick fireplace. Things had gone better than he could've possibly imagined. It almost could have been a dream, the most sensuous dream that he had ever had. Spending the night in his sweet boy's bed. Tristan tried to readjust to the bright outside world, as he drove off slowly. He hoped to return soon...

"Men talk in circles, women in straight lines. I prefer the circles, they always seem to come back around to a point, like a train on a track. The straight lines I could never follow, for they went on forever, seldom coming to a straight understandable stop."

I felt you pass through my space tonight, Like a ghost uninvited. A haunting and seductive ghost, I almost gave in and invited you in. But I knew better, Not tonight. 

"I had a dream, Mom." Ryan confessed to his sweet Mother. "Tell me all about it, my dear Ryan." "Brian and I were born together, a thousand years ago, as twin brother's. Then we finally caught up with each other, in this lifetime." "Although I do not believe in reincarnation, I do have to believe in you. I believe you Ryan. Thank you for sharing that."

Dear Ryan, Hey hon! How are ya? I'm o-kay- But could always be better. College is pretty cool. The environment is a lot more relaxed than high school. I absolutely hate my classes, but the instructors are really neat. So much has happened since you left. You know that older guy, Dan, that worked at the gas station? Well he became totally obsessed with me, and wouldn't leave me alone. I finally bought a can of mace, and Bob had to sit him down and have a talk with him.

Love ya, Mr. Jevne!!! Bring me some sweet weed! Lol ok!! How you be? I'm alive... Is something wrong? No. Just out late with the girls. Got silly high with them. Sorry if I didn't text well last night. It was me, too. I apologize!! Nah. I liked it. You were dirty... I am so excited now. I'm really getting butterflies! It seems so real now! You be so cute! 😍 I hope I'm good enough for you. Can we still snuggle and not rush it? Sweet Ryan! Sure, Sweet Tristan!! 😉

He took me hiking, back into the beautiful Broken Back Mountain hiking trials. This particular one followed a raging river to an incredible series of waterfalls. This experience was spectacular, not just for the scenery alone, but because I was with a man, a man I was so horribly, madly in love with. He couldn't possibly be told enough how I felt. I couldn't put that into words. But I'm sure he felt it, there beside the raging waterfall, where we left all of it behind. It was just he and I, and that raging waterfall. I found it ironic how the pulse of the water as it tore down the rocks seemed to emulate how I felt inside. The raw power and energy of the water somehow translated into the feelings I had in my heart for this man. Such strength and energy. All that water tearing through the rocks was how I felt when I was with him, how my heart felt, blood tearing madly through my body, raging inside just for him. At that moment in time, that raging waterfall was all ours. And...

Eating was one of Brian's favorite things, his whole world revolved around where his next meal was coming from, and he was an exquisite chef. Ryan, on the other hand, was so broke that most of the time he was worried where his next meal might be coming from. But not with Brian. Brian saved Ryan's life, as a matter of fact! Ryan would've starved to death if Brian hadn't happened into his life. Lucky boys they were!  And if Brian wasn't cooking up something tasty and amazing in the kitchen, he would take his Ryan out to eat. Chinese or Tai were the top choices. Ryan preferred shrimp, and Brian, anything with curry. "Here, try some of my curry..." Brian invites Ryan for a taste of the spicy, savory flavors. Ryan sips it off Brian's outstretched spoon. "Mmmm, that's good. Kinda tastes like your butt..." He laughs as he glances around the tiny Tai Chef restaurant to make sure no one heard him. Brian snickered back. "Next time we go out, w...

If you're still here with me, reading all these blogs, Mr. Future Would Be Jevne. Let me tell you something.  All this may be true or false. Fact or fiction.  But one truth will remain the same. I LOVE YOU!! 😉

The language of love,  It's so fucking confusing. The language of love, It should be so simple. The language of love, It means too many things. It's so confusing,  Yet so simple.

"I just want you to let me see inside you. Inside your mind, heart and soul. Once I'm there, I think I'll understand you more. Please, let me go there, Ryan?!"

"Geez Daddy, it seems you need to take charge and decide..." "Give me a chance to love you. Let the walls down. I need to learn the same thing!" "Ok, fine!"

"He was here not long ago. I'm surprised you didn't see him. He said, 'no one here wants to wait on me, you all must think I'm an asshole.' He was looking right at you..." "God, that makes me sad. He's not an asshole. He's an amazing man. An amazing man that made amazing mistakes with me, that's all..." "He's still not over you, Ryan, it's obvious..."

"People respond to energy, whether they realize it or not. They pick up on that shit. It's almost on a subconscious level. We're all built of energy. You burn with that, and people feel you. It's a beautiful thing to see you work that energy. And it's even more beautiful that you don't realize you're doing it."

"You deserve to be treated like a prince. Maybe I'm one of the good guys. If it's not me, then someone will do that!!"

"At a time when I was growing up I wasn't believed about a really important thing. And that meant that when I had other really important things happen to me, that those important things really didn't matter. And so I found it really difficult to open up to anyone about anything important that ever happened to me."

He'd made a decision. The ultimate of all decisions.  It seemed everything he ever tried to do had failed. Everything he'd ever invested his energy into had eventually burned out. Every soul with whom he had connected had abandoned him. All that was ever anything was altogether nothing at all. So he'd made the decision. The decision to run away, run away from it all. To leave this world and all the complications he couldn't tackle.  And he knew that the only way to do that would be to end his life. The only question now would be how to do it.

"I had a dream. A dream I got married. In the temple. To a man." He laughed as we drove by my childhood church.  "He married you, and all that debt?"

There was always a lack of belonging when he was younger. He was always looking for a place where he could belong. He longed for a place. But that place never came.

"He's a whole bunch of nopes, Ryan. I could've told you that if I'd known you sooner. He's bad news and I'm surprised you couldn't see that. Half the town knows him for what he is. He's just like his father. He's an alcoholic and an addict. And that adds up to heart ache and heart break."

He said he needed to be single. And by single he meant he needed to go on a Summer Grindr Road Trip.  Silly Brian. He thought I didn't know.

"So what happened with you and Steven? I thought you two were so right for each other." She asked me in the grocery store. "I don't really know. Things were so right, until they weren't. Things got complicated and misunderstood. He made assumptions. I could've done so many things differently. Maybe he could've too. I wish the fuck that things could've worked out." "Yeah, me too. I remember seeing you both together once. You were glowing and in love. That's a rare thing you know..." "I know."

"I can't remember a time when I felt absolutely and completely at home. No matter where I was or who I was with. It's as if the idea of 'there's no place like home' was always eluding me, always escaping me, always just out of reach."

"I think everyone should have at least one psycho ex in their life. It gives them perspective." "I totally agree. I had a psycho ex. She was really off her rails. Sadly though, she took her life several Christmas Eve's ago. I should have dealt with her differently, she was so tender, but broken, really unstable." "Oh gosh, I'm sorry. That got dark real fast. I was hoping we could laugh about psycho ex's..." "It's fine. If you wanna good laugh, I'll tell you a little secret..." "What's that I wonder???" "I'm someone's psycho ex, ironically! How's that for perspective?!?!"

"So, let's go back to the phone. You seem to be hung up on that... No pun intended. You said he misunderstood everything about the phone. Let's talk about that. How about we start there?" "Right. Ok. When he found out about the phone, he lost his mind. I'd ended things already by then. Months before I'd found the phone. It was in his glovebox after we'd floated the river. It had been there since we broke up the first time. I didn't think it was still active or that he was still paying for it. Why would he be if it were in the glovebox for so long? And also, he said he'd paid it off for me and that it wouldn't cost him a thing because he'd write it off as a business expense. So I just don't understand why he'd accuse me of stealing something he'd already given me that didn't have any value to him at all. He just couldn't see it for what it was. It was my last lifeline and communication with my daughter. But he didn...

"I feel as if I'm burned out. Burned out and giving up. I'm spinning my wheels and getting nowhere. I'm stuck and there doesn't seem to be a way out." Randy told his therapist.  "It's alright to feel that way. We all get burned out. We all spin wheels. We all feel stuck, and sometimes there may not be a way out. But always remember, you're exactly where you're supposed to be, always." "I do believe that, of course. I'm always where I need to be. But why, why am I here? How am I doing any good here? How am I making anyone's life any better. I'm miserable. What's my purpose?" "You just have to trust that you're here, there's always good, whether you see it or not. And, life is better than you realize. Your purpose is to understand that life doesn't always have to have a purpose, sometimes it just is what it is. And if you're always seeing life for what it's not, you're always going to m...

"Come live with me?" He invited. "Come live with me, where we can be happy and incredibly in love!" "Are you sure you want that with me?!" I asked, uncertain that he knew what he was getting himself into. "Absolutely!" He responded.  Then it turned into a land of our imaginations. Where everything was perfect and a nightmare, all at the same time.

Hey, sweet boy! Just got home in time to read your last story you sent me. I had a great time over at my parents! I hadn't gotten a chance to spend a few hours with them since they got back into town. I liked your blogs! I responded already. Whatcha doing, sweet Ryan? Hey, Daddy! I'm glad you had a great time with your parents. I hope I meet them someday. I'm glad you like my blog posts, they are too deep and revealing sometimes. I'm just chilling in bed. Sleepy. Wine and Three Stooges again. 

"I've got this neurotic need to be loved by a man. It's consumed and destroyed me. It's annihilated every foundation that I've attempted to build in my life. It's laid waste to my soul. And yet it persists. If I ever find that love, it better be worth all the torture and loss that I've gone through to find it!"

He'd spiraled out of control for years. No one noticed, no one said anything. No one wanted to deal with the mess that was Ryan. It seemed no one truly cared. And so at the end of the day, Ryan didn't care either. He'd lock himself away and self destruct, in quiet isolation. The only place he could feel nothing at all, absolutely numb. A place he preferred to be.  For feeling nothing at all was far better than feeling everything all at once.

"I thought he was madly in love with me, but he just wasn't ready. He couldn't love me in the way that I needed loved. He couldn't join me on the road I was on. And for whatever reason, I had to leave. I couldn't ask or inspire him to meet me on my road. I didn't feel I needed to convince him to do the work to meet me on that road. I felt there was a greater love out there, more love down the road I was headed. I knew that out there somewhere, there would be a love that would want to go down my road with me."

"So that's the thanks I get? After all I did for you, after all I gave you?!?!" He was furiously angry.  "You don't deserve my thanks. You did only for me what you wanted for yourself. And you gave me only what you couldn't give yourself."

"Come here, Ryan. Get up here and sit on my face. I need some of that sweet Ryan pie..." He whispered with a low manly voice.  "Whatever you need Daddy, tell me what you want, and I'll do it." I surrendered to him once again, knowing he'd please me completely. 

"How you get me so hot with just words, Tristan, throws me over the edge...!" "I love it!! And I'm flattered!!" "My head is swimming..."

His energy attracted me, My energy attracted him. Our energies danced, Our energies romanced. My energy energized me, His energy consumed him. His energy clashed with mine, After a time. His energy, angry, My energy, fine.

"There's always more than one side to every story. One side and then the other. And then the truth, and all the sides the truth has. Truth is colored and layered and subject to perspectives. It's never just black and fucking white, Ryan!"  That was her direct and fierce response against my pleas for acceptance and understanding.  "So my side is neither right nor wrong, or true or false, but merely open to perspectives and judgment from others? Is that what you're saying??" I asked confused but directly, with an edge of contempt. She never responded. She merely gestured that I leave with her staunch body language alone. So I left, out of a job again.  Another chapter over with no happy ending or closure. Such was the way it was with Ryan. Most relationships, job ventures or other endeavors generally ended up leaving a bad taste in most mouths involved. Closure was not something he was accustomed to. So his only defense in the future would be to shut out p...

He'd reached the end of his rope, the end of all hope. Ryan knew as he stripped off his clothes and sat down on his bed to take another hit of pot that he'd gone too far, once again. He told himself the last time he got naked with a man that he'd never do it again. After all, he was still officially a married man. A man married to a woman, a woman who still loved and trusted him. He didn't care any more. The only time he felt most alive was when he was with another man, at the most intimate of levels. Naked with their bare skin and appendages dancing together in primal delight. At least this last time was with someone he knew. Someone much like himself. They had gone to school together, grew up together, went to the same LDS church. He was a married man, too. With children, too. Not out yet, but fiercely repressed and in need of physical attention from a man. We met one dark night. It was raining heavily, and he invited me over. We drank beers and smoked on the back por...

It's funny what happens when you let go, When you let go and say no. Even though that letting go is rough, When you knew you'd had enough. The letting go and the saying no, You knew that was the only way to go. Funny how the letting go felt so wrong, Yet so right, right where you belong.

The dirty/exhibitionist side of me likes that you use our real names in your blogs! I know, right?! Who's this Tristan guy they're all asking me... What do you tell them? He's an enigma. A mysterious man. He's a hot Daddy with a fat D. And, he really seems like a serious man. I'll take that! Nice charm, Ryan!! I'm a charming psycho, watch the fuck out!!! No, I don't think you are, but thanks for the warning! 😘 If a psycho, at least a charming one! Tank half full baby! Ok, don't say I didn't give you fair warning... 😊

My Ryan, My Ryan! Tristan stomps feet! And no one else's Ryan! 🤣  Let me tell you a story about my boy Ryan. He's sweet, funny, attractive, animalistic, intelligent, and hot. 🔥 I feel like I've known him indefinitely longer than the two and a half weeks we've been messaging and texting one on one, but I think he picked up on that already. When I messaged him the first time, I found that he had messaged me a few days before, inquiring how we knew each other! He ignites me, but I think he's picked up on that... My Ryan!

Brian and Ryan had spent the afternoon watching Anime, Brian's favorite, and a classic film, Ryan's favorite. They took turns, it only seemed fair. They each had unique tastes. Brian loved comic books and cooking. Ryan loved classic television and films, and eating Brian's cooking. Two men so deeply in love. The afternoons turned into evenings, and the evenings always led, sooner or later to the bedroom.  Bare, save for socks, they slipped under the sheets. Brian laid back and let Ryan do his thing. Brian was passive, trusting and tender. Ryan was a bit of a tiger, snacking on bits of Brian as the sheets danced around them. They kissed sweetly, then deeply. Ryan rubbed his face in Brian's ginger chest as he worked his way below. Brian purred as Ryan buried his face in his favorite place.  After Ryan had cum intensely inside Brian's sweet bum, they looked up at the ceiling together, high on post orgasmic bliss. Brian let out a deep sigh, after breathing in the air ar...

You write like an angel,  An angel fell from heaven. An angel doomed to hell, How the hell do you write so well?

He was always hidden, behind his curtain, his curtain, his curtain of uncertainty.  He felt safe there, behind his curtain. Safe but somehow uncertain, there behind his curtain. His curtain of uncertainty.  Then he tore back that curtain, that curtain of uncertainty. He was raw, exposed and vulnerable, yet certain. Then he burned that curtain, that curtain of uncertainty. 

"Your Ryan. Your Ryan," Rob said with a smirk that begrudged the laughter lurking not far beneath the surface, his eyes rolling at the mention of Ryan's name again, yet still looking amused. " Tristan, have you told him how into him you are?"  I thought for a second. We'd been through this before, Rob and I.  "Yes, Rob. I feel like I've told him everything, but I don't want to push him away."  Rob replied, "Do you think he understands that?"  I said, "I think he does. But I'm trying to strike the right balance. Interested, but not a stalker."  Rob shook his head as he gently patted me on the shoulder. "Hopefully, he gets that, Tristan..."

One year ago yesterday, all my heart walls came down, in a small Wyoming town. With a man I was so deeply in love. We'd later say that we would never talk about that day again. It was the day we ate a peanut butter cup together. He one half and I the other. We'd spent the morning soaking in the world's largest hot springs. I sang to him in the sauna, we got frisky under the water and peeked at each other in the shower, naked and hanging free.  We made mad hot, fierce and passionate love in a dimly lit bedroom and bore our souls and committed love to each other. I fell asleep, sweaty and extremely satisfied. He went to the office to get a few things done. Then something horrible happened. The world closed in on me. I felt a terrifying sense of dread, as if I was on the edge of death, like I could die at any moment. The peanut butter cup had opened me up, and all the feelings I hadn't let myself feel for a year or more came flooding out, spilling into my mind, heart and s...

"I've got a dirty blog." He told him. "Oh yeah? You look like the  dirty blogger type to me." They both laughed together.  "It's not just a blog, it's pieces of my life. Things that have happened to me. Things people said and did. It's deeper than you might think. The dirty stuff is just extra icing on the cake." "Send me a link..." He said with a wink. 

"He just didn't understand what I meant when I said I love you. He didn't take me serious the entire time. He thought love was built on superficial, temporary and materialistic things. Things that meant nothing. Things that could never last. The love I had to give was everlasting, given with my entire heart. In the end that love wasn't good enough for him. It was all about what he gave me that he couldn't get back. The love I gave him I couldn't get back. Nor did I want it. He could keep it."

"Things happen when you're young, and sometimes those things scar you for life..."

"I'm a jizzy mess now, and I've got to be to work soon..." "You know it was totally worth it Ryan!" "Yes it was Tristan, yes it was. Now get out of here so I can clean up!" "Can we do this again soon please, baby?" "Of course Daddy, of course..."

"I'm not over that man, and I hate it. He's all I think about. He's there at night before I fall asleep, and he's there waiting for me when I wake up. He's inside my heart, all day long. He haunts my dreams. He's a ghost out there walking around with a chunk of my heart clenched in his fist. Why can I not let the idea of him go? It's fucking ridiculous! It's as if we were born together the day we met, and I died and left a piece of myself with him when I left him. Love like that I've rarely found and left so quickly. Love like that is rare, a love like that I may never find again. And that's probably the hardest part to accept..."

In the end he only wished to fight, To fight for what he thought was his. Something he had once given me, Only to take away. In the end, I wish he'd fought for me, So I didn't have to run away. To run away, When I only wished to stay.

When I was sixteen, I had a dream that I had lunch with Lucille Ball. It was the summer I fell in love with her, through a television screen. We sat at a classic, round diner table. She ordered a peanut butter jelly sandwich with milk. She had much to say to me. "Ryan, my dear sweet boy. You'll be my all time number one fan. Don't listen to anyone else, you're my number one. You'll learn so much from watching me. You'll learn the meaning of friendship. You'll learn about love. You'll learn to laugh more than anything else. You'll laugh along with my audiences at a time in your life when laughing will save your life. You're a sad and tragic boy, and life will be unkind to you. Like me, you will love and lose. But don't let that keep you from loving. Love like you'll never love again, even if you lose. But more than anything, my dear sweet Ryan, laugh everyday. Make everyone you love laugh, every god damn chance you get. For to laugh, my d...

"Did you ever wake up in the dark feeling all alone? Oh, I mean terribly alone. No one else on earth, just the dark all around you, and that awful scary emptiness..." Bette Davis 

"The only thing keeping you from everything you want is how you are feeling, and how you are thinking. Once you change the way you're feeling about things, the things you're feeling so deeply about will change. And once you change the way you think about things, the things you think about will change." She stated so simply. He knew that she was absolutely right. He'd been through this a hundred times before. So he resolved to be aware, every day, of how he was feeling, and how he was thinking. Sooner or later all things would change, for he knew the universe reacted to emotions and thoughts.

Ryan,  Honestly, I'm not sure. I'm not. I just have this burning need to get to know you better. I want to get married, etc, down the line. Sure. But I've wanted that for a long time. You just seemed, so sweet. And funny. It's just so hard to explain, Ryan. I'm just feeling that growlly feeling I get when I think about you. I don't know if this will work, but I am more seriously interested in seeing if it will work with you than anyone else I've ever met. I'm not trying to freak you out. But, unless you want to say that you're not a kind, sweet, funny, passionate person, then you can't help a guy for noticing!  Tristan 

Afternoon Daddy! Afternoon Baby! Are you still all hot and bothered?? I'm not all hot and bothered anymore... I had "toy time." Fuck, that's insanely hot!!! It was sloppy fun! I want to be part of toy time! Coconutty, sloppy fun? Yes sir! Fuck Ryan, you drive me crazy!! Same, Tristan, same!!

"I know you're here. Whispering behind me." Randy spoke aloud to an empty room, knowing all too well that the whispering spirit of a woman could hear him. A spirit with whom he was familiar his entire life, and possibly the life before that. There was a stirring in the night, the darkness, the shadows, the corners, the closets, the hallways, the doors and the rooms. She was calling the other spirits to be by her side, and to speak with Randy. They flooded the room. Randy was petrified. He was surrounded by a multitude of spirits. They closed in on him, and he surrendered to them. Their presence was too much, and he lost consciousness. Had Randy the courage to call those spirits in the dark many years ago, perhaps they could have been crushed down and cast back into the darkness where they had come from. But they weren't, they remained with him. He hadn't the strength now to resist them.

I had a dream when I was ten. A dream about a boy. A boy I only knew in my dreams. He was familiar and innocent. He was climbing a tree, carefree and gay. He'd climbed as far as he could, and he reached towards the heavens. He saw a piece of heaven waiting for him, and he longed to go there. But he couldn't climb or reach any higher, so he stayed there as long as he could. He stayed there all day, all afternoon and into the evening. When the night fell and the moon came out, he could no longer see that piece of heaven. So he climbed back down, to the moist nights' grass, where he fell into a deep slumber. When he awoke he found himself older, and the world had aged around him. It had grown darker and harsher than he remembered from his youth. The tree he had climbed was no longer there, and neither was that glimpse of heaven. He walked the world over searching for another tree to climb, one that may offer him another piece of heaven, a heaven waiting for him. The boy grew t...

There were dark times ahead for Randy. Darker days, darker hours and much darker moments. Times, days, hours and moments of harsh sobriety and harsher emotions. Emotions he hadn't felt for years. Emotions he'd buried under years of drug abuse. He found he didn't know himself anymore. As if he'd been reborn into a brand new world, with a brand new body and a brand new mind. It terrified him. Nothing seemed familiar. Nowhere and no one felt safe. He didn't feel at home anywhere. He was in a foreign land, with strangers.  He was in a walking nightmare. One he supposed he deserved, because he'd been selfish, reckless and self destructive. Yet he walked around with a smile on his face and a laugh that disguised deep buried guilt, shame and pain. He was fooling everyone, except himself. 

"What would you do if you saw him again?" She asked me. "What if he came up to you and tried to talk to you??" "God, I don't know. Part of me would want to kiss the hell out of him and cry. The other part would want to punch him in the nuts and laugh in his face..." "That's not healthy..." "Love, hate. Hate, love. It's complicated!"

Ryan, could you send me a few links for your hot stories? I'm going to need something to jack off to, since my tounge will not be in your ass. Thank you, cutie cutie McBooty boy! 

It was Josh's birthday, he was turning a sexy seventeen. He was a beautiful brown skinned, brown eyed boy. Thick, tight curls on top of his cute little head. His eyes sparkled with delight as his few close friends gathered together to celebrate. He was quick witted and dirty minded. He was cocky, vain and openly gay. A rare personality that attracted all the right people. We were a fun bunch of eclectic, artistic types. "Hey Ryan, have you ever had anything up your ass?" Josh asked me. "Only a finger..." I confessed. "Well, you really should have more than that, sometime, it feels fucking amazing!" We all took shots and laughed together as the evening wore on. Josh would look at me from time to time, for just long enough to make me feel a little tingle in my pants. He had me curiously hot and bothered. I needed to use the bathroom, so I raced upstairs, with the intent to get back to the party as soon as possible. I was zipping up my pants when Josh bur...

"I feel you need more time there. You told me just last week when I saw you that if you came back home now you'd be tempted to fall back into drugs again. I can't go back to living that way. I have to stand my ground on this. If you can't change we are going to have to separate." Katherine spoke with a tone that had to be taken seriously. "Where are we going to get another seventeen thousand from??" Randy questioned her back. "Dad has already paid that for the first thirty days, and I refuse to let him pay that for another month here, it's just not worth it!!" "I'll get it somehow, you don't need to worry about the money, just focus on yourself. It's worth saving your life Randy, you're priceless to everyone, I only wish you could see your value..."  Randy's only hope for getting out after his first thirty days was not having the money. The family could come up with the money just fine, but to Randy, the money ...

Sitting and listening to the stories that others had to share about their personal experiences with addiction, Randy felt connected yet disconnected at the same time. He had only just admitted to himself that he was an addict, he had forced himself to stand up and identify himself as such.  "My name is Randy, and I'm an addict..." This is something he had to come to accept if there was to be any progress at all. He was an addict, regardless of whether he'd been able to face that over the last three years. He'd gone through some serious denial, and all those around him that cared for him the most had offered to help. Especially Katherine. "What can I do?!?!" She asked in desperation. "How can I help you?!?!" "You can't help me!" Randy yelled back. It couldn't be denied, he needed help, or he would face death, sooner or later.

I love you, RLJ!! 💓 I can't stop thinking about your sweet, coconut oil covered body! Not a piece of your edible body I wouldn't lick/suck coconut oil off of! 👅   You're a dirty Daddy this morning, Tristan!!! 😉

"We fall in love when we see parts of ourselves reflected in another person." She explained. "Whether those parts are good or bad, we identify with those pieces that we recognize as pieces of ourselves." "That's probably why I fell in love with him. We had pieces of each other. We were so alike. I was more like him than I cared to admit, and he was more like me than I cared to see. I still have pieces of him, and I hope he still has pieces of me. God I hate that I miss that man so much!"

It seemed this little box in his hand was the only window left to look into the world of the man he once loved.

There will never be another quite like him, or quite like I. There will never be another energy, chemistry or magic quite like the kind we shared together.  There will never be another love quite like the love we shared, together for a few brief moments in time.  There will never be another space or place in our hearts that can be filled by another, quite like each other. There will never be another love quite as unique or special as the one we shared together.  There will never be another, another love quite like ours.

Seeing the closeness between Adam and Nathan was sometimes more than Randy could bare. He was extremely jealous of how quickly they had become friends and how much they seemed to be attracted to each other.  They would touch each other and snuggle on the couch, and although they were crazy close, there were never any sexual assumptions made. They were simply close friends, very close. Who could blame Adam though? Nathan had great looks, great hair, great eyes, great body. He had everything but a genuine personality. There was so much pretense, effrontery and ego involved. His vocabulary was awful and his dismissive nature was obnoxious. Randy found him physically attractive, but he lacked all the real qualities needed to be a mature and confident man. If looks weren't on his side, he'd have absolutely nothing at all. 

Randy had been challenged to find God. He was spiritually lost and freshly sober. He was in fresh new surroundings, with beautiful scenery and fresh faces. But ultimately, he still felt very much alone. "It will be a necessary step in your recovery to find a higher power, one you can call out to and rely on when things get tough. And things will get tough, especially early in your recovery." Jacob explained. "I don't know if I can say I believe in a power higher, other than myself, that can help me through all this. I should be strong enough alone, right?" Randy asked. "Wrong. None of us are strong enough alone. We all need help. That's why you're here, to get help. And there will come a time when you'll need to reach out to your higher power. I encourage you to find God, however you may define it." Jacob encouraged. That evening Randy had spiraled into a very dark and depressive episode, one so dark that he was having desperate thoughts ab...

Katherine, Randy imagined, was planning to make a phone call to him. Randy wasn't ready for that time. Randy didn't want to experience the raw and sober emotions that would inevitably surface as a result of taking that phone call.  Katherine knew there was a possibility that Randy could change his mind about the direction their relationship may take. Even though it wasn't discussed, they both accepted that this period of transition was also a period of trial separation. Randy needed the time, perhaps more than Katherine did. Katherine was already regretting the haste with which she had acted. She knew the anger she had awakened in Randy, and she blamed herself.  The time away from each other may very well be the final straw that would break the marriage.

And there he was again, very much alone and troubled. Alone in this world he'd created. Troubled because he didn't how he'd created a world he could be so troubled in.  But it was his world, created by him, where he and he alone had to live, alone and troubled. 

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"I feel a little like an actor, sometimes. Playing the part." "We're all born into our roles in life. We're all acting. We're all playing our parts, writing our scripts as we go along." "I think so, too." "Now there's a new man in your life. A new act. A new chance. A new scene to play." "I love it. I want to love you, no matter what." "I'm sure you will." "Me too."

"You went to rehab? I didn't know that! What for??" "Pot, pills, alcohol, all mixed together..." "Wow...!" "Yeah. I woke up naked in the backyard. Didn't know how I got there... Woke up at the hospital, didn't know how I got there... Woke up in rehab, didn't know how I got there..." "Damn!" "Even though I was very much alive and lucid between those events, I have no recollection of them at all." "Shit!" "Yeah. I think it was all so traumatic that I blocked it all out." "Fuck."

Ryan, You may think that you're all that and a bag of chips! But let me tell you something... You're all that with a fucking cherry on top!! Even if there's a side of bullshit there, too... I love you! Jay

My sweet, dirty boy. 🍆 Mmmm...... Sorry, how pathetic! I just want you so badly that I find myself doing almost this quiet growl! Others: Why is Tristan growling? Lol! Oh, he just really wants this hottie... I love a low manly growl! Grrrrrrr... Yeah, get it! I can't wait to see you Tristan! You too, Ryan! I  want to growl while I'm inside of my boy.

"All I ever wanted was for him to find me in the abyss of my madness and accept me there."

Saying goodbye to Katherine and Victoria was surprisingly easy for Randy. He needed the space and the time away. He needed fresh faces and a new routine, an escape. One in which he could throw himself into. There was no other choice. It was either now or never. Time to face life on the inside, with those would could understand and perhaps accept where Randy was coming from. Perspectives and life relationships could depend upon the experiences he had here, with these people, and in these moments which would lie ahead. He'd only been there for five days. But sober days, when compared to high days, were much longer, much more tough to face. Tough in a good way. Tough in that it required him to step out of his comfort zone and into an environment he wouldn't have access to again in his lifetime. 

Joel wanted to meet up again. We'd been together before a few times, mostly to get naked and screw around. He was the older skinny, sexy daddy type. Silver fox with a head of white hair that turned me on. He wanted to see if there was anything still there after a few years. We agreed to meet in a parking lot. I got in his classic Ford pickup truck.  "Hey, how have you been?" "Good. You?" "Good, too." We then attacked each other passionately. Kissing like we hadn't been kissed in decades. "I don't want this to be cheap or dirty..." He said after putting his tongue down my throat. "It's already cheap and dirty, we're in a parking lot." He ripped his flannel shirt open and I buried my face in his silver chest, asking him if he wanted my mouth around his cock... "Fuck, yes!" I sucked his dick until he asked me to stop. "I'm gonna cum already, and I want this to last..." "You go down on me the...

Ryan and everything he represented needed to be extinguished from Randy's life. His nasty and materialistic influence had done many unkind things to his obsession. He had turned it dark and menacing, like the witch in the film. The Ruby Slippers weren't about magic and beauty anymore, they had become associated with greed and lust. Randy did not want his first pair of hand sewn slippers to be about that. To let Ryan touch them would steal that magical charm, that enchanting beauty, their intoxicating power. Where, then, would that leave Randy if Ryan was allowed free roam and entry into his body? All for a pair of his shoes...?? Those questions put it into perfect perspective. Even if Randy wanted the experience with a man, Ryan wasn't that man, he wasn't the right guy. He was a wrong guy. Katherine was right, it would be all about the sex.

"Don't be fooled by the lure of thinking that this story is as glamorous as the Ruby Slippers are in The Wizard of Oz, for it is not. However, you'll find it honest, touching, disgusting and downright insane. Read with a sense of caution, for there may be pages you need to turn before your stomach does..." ~Sugar Wright~

"I'm not an easy man to love. I'm selfish, materialistic, needy and neurotic. I'm also not easy to live with. I need space and time. Sometimes I'll be available, sometimes I won't. Sometimes I'll need you, sometimes I won't. If you can deal with that, we can work. If not, then probably not..."

"There was always a glitch. A glitch inside of him that kept him from becoming too attached." She explained.  "Let's call it an attachment glitch." He suggested.  "That's perfect. He's riddled with an attachment glitch...!"

"It's just a bump in the road Ryan. You don't have to take it so hard. You made a mistake. You did your best. He just wasn't right for you. Be grateful you found out sooner rather than later. There are other roads, and you've been down many. You'll find your way along to a better one."

He saw a glimpse inside of me, inside my heart and inside my soul.  And once he was there he knew, it wasn't just me he had a glimpse of there, it was him. It was then he realized, there wasn't any separation between the two of them. They were the same inside.

He'd chosen to toss the dice. Toss the dice in the game of love. He tossed those dice fierce and hard. But he ultimately lost. Lost those dice he tossed. Lost in the game of love.

He knew this was his last chance in love. And he gave it his all. Gave it all. And lost it all. Lost it all in love.

Just in case you forgot, You're still the man I want. Even if you think I forgot, I could never forget about you. I hope you'll never forget about me.

I believe in love. I believe in second chances. I believe love is all about second chances and third, fourth, fifth and infinite chances.  If love is love at all, then there should be unlimited chances to renew a love that may or may not have been lost, or given up.  Love doesn't judge, ridicule, blame or shame. Love pure and simple forgives, submits and renews.  Any other kind of love I simply do not understand.