Randy had been challenged to find God. He was spiritually lost and freshly sober. He was in fresh new surroundings, with beautiful scenery and fresh faces. But ultimately, he still felt very much alone.
"It will be a necessary step in your recovery to find a higher power, one you can call out to and rely on when things get tough. And things will get tough, especially early in your recovery." Jacob explained.
"I don't know if I can say I believe in a power higher, other than myself, that can help me through all this. I should be strong enough alone, right?" Randy asked.
"Wrong. None of us are strong enough alone. We all need help. That's why you're here, to get help. And there will come a time when you'll need to reach out to your higher power. I encourage you to find God, however you may define it." Jacob encouraged.
That evening Randy had spiraled into a very dark and depressive episode, one so dark that he was having desperate thoughts about how to escape the inner torment of his mind and soul. He was desperate. His mind whirled with guilt and shame so crushing and devastating that he felt the only way to escape the pain was to leave his body.
He felt dizzy, nauseous and violently ill. Then he surrendered to sleep, where perhaps he could find escape and peace. In his final moments of awareness, his heart cried out for help.
He awoke in the dark of night, across the room, his back against the wall, his feet not touching the ground. He was at peace, a peace he hadn't felt since he was a child. It was an indescribably immaculate peace, one that was so powerful and bright that he wished it would never end.
He saw himself, asleep in the bed across the room, surrounded by a thick and oppressive darkness, one so thick he could barely make out his own features. He knew he'd left his body, just as he'd wished to.
But he knew he would have to go back, even if he did not want to.
He'd found God, his higher power, there in the darkness, disconnected from his body.
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