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Smiling Faces & False Pretenses

Waiting for an absolution. Will it come? Waiting for that end... Or that transition. I want to change. I need to change. JD just gave me a dirty, disapproving look. That's one of the many reasons I have for not going back to church. The smiling faces and the false pretenses that seem to be a part of everyone, no matter how they try not to, make me feel so low. I'm a sinner. I'm not perfect. I may never change. I don't want to live knowing that when I die I won't see my family again because they are living differently than I. Sure, growing up I thought I'd be perfect and be all that my parents wanted me to be. Get married in the temple forever and all eternity. Then, I grew up and began to think for myself and realized how select and all too restrictive the religion I was raised in really was. I was different, I knew that much. And I wasn't going to be what everyone else around me was. A zombie.  

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