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Candy Cancer

January 13, 1997

Ryan,

This is the second time that I'm writing this crap so just deal with it if I have an attitude. -k-

I don't remember all that I told you, so I'll just tell you now how I feel. -k- I really, really like you. You are smart, funny and talented. But it doesn't matter how I feel, no matter how much I like you or care about you, I know, cause you told me, we could never be more than friends. You need someone smart and peppy, pretty and fun. Someone not at all like me.

I still remember the day Betsy told me that she thought you liked me. I felt like the luckiest girl in school. I remember Rita's birthday when you told me how much you missed her, and how stupid I felt when I told you to go back out with her.

You were the first guy I trusted after Bobby, you helped me a lot. The truth is, if you were to ever show any interest in me, I would dump whoever I was with in a heartbeat for you.

The past couple months, since I have known you, I have wanted to be my best, maybe for you, maybe for me, but my best. I don't think I have ever felt this good about myself, and I mean ever.

You mean a lot to me, and that's why I feel like I screwed up when I told you how I felt about you on the phone. 

You probably don't understand how I feel. I'm sorry to sound so stupid.

Now my problem is, I like two people as much, if not more than Sonny, but I don't want to break-up with him. Because, one, I don't want to hurt him, and, two, I need someone, to he there, to talk to.

I had a lot of fun this weekend. I feel cheap because I was hanging out with Beike. That is wrong, but I really like him. 

Good luck this weekend, I'll be thinking about you.

Don't do something with Rita that you will regret. You love her, it's obvious, or I think you might have done something with Jessi. 

I'm glad you can admit you care so much. I mean Jessi. But I think you should tell her how you feel about her. You will feel better that she knows, and she will at least know.

It's cool to be the speech sluts, huh?! I'm so proud!

Well, Ben Ervin said he wished we all get candy cancer from smoking. What a nerd!

Well I gotta go now. -k-

            Jill

P.S. Maybe I'll call you tonight. -k-

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