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Mushy Gushy Stuff

Ryan,

Hey, I am at work right now, and there has hardly been any calls. Thank you again for last night. I will always remember that. You have no idea how special you are. I know you don't like the mushy gushy stuff, but I want you to hear it.

There are a lot of things about me that people don't know and would not understand, I don't even understand them. Last night was one of the nights where I could not understand myself. Things that I thought were not rational. I don't know why I do that or what happens to me, but there are times I get like that. Thank you for treating me the way you do. You say that you didn't know what to do last night, or how to respond to me, but you did exactly what I needed. You left me alone, didn't say a thing. Because of that I was able to go home and figure myself out, or I should say straighten myself out, and feel better. I am a difficult person, and I don't even know what to do most of the time when I get that way. But somehow you did. The thing that I appreciate the most is that you called. You left me alone, but then you made sure that I was okay, and that means a lot to me.

I have never met someone who has been able to put up with me like you. I know it is hard, and there are lots of times that you want to send me to another state to shut me up, and I don't blame you. I know there is a time when this will end, and that is okay. I think it will be one of the saddest memories of my life, but things are meant to happen. I know you are afraid that I will be mean or treat you badly when we break up and I hope that is not true. I don't ever want to think of you badly. When I say things about Coulter and Jason, I know it scares you sometimes about what I will say about you, but I did love them and the good things I could tell you would outweigh the bad. I don't find it necessary to go on about all their good traits. I just want you to know that no matter how bad it may sound, I did care for them both, but care for you ten times more. So if I ever say a bad thing, or if you hear of me saying a bad thing to you, know that it isn't even a thousandth of the good that I feel for you.

Some of the best memories of my life are with you, and I will cherish them forever. It scares you, I know, but I feel somehow that there is an involuntary bond between us. It will always be there. We may find ways around it in the future, but it will never go away. Neither one of us ever meant for it to go this far, but I believe things happen for a reason. There are probably choices we shouldn't have made, but I don't regret a thing, because everything that we have experienced, we have learned from. I have grown up a lot because of you and I am glad. I still have a long way to go though.

I love you, and I just wanted you to know it.

Katie

I can't print this, so you can just erase it. 

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