Door Wide Open

It was as if the world outside was finally calling to me, after all these years. As if a door long since locked and warped with age and forgotten with time had been blown open. With three simple words. I am bisexual. Not gay, but bisexual. 

Although I could still enjoy sex with women, I was intensely and almost painfully drawn towards men, and not just sexually. Most assume that bisexual means just the acts of sexuality and all that that entails.

There was more. I wanted an emotional connection of some meaningful kind. With a man. I had never really had that. Male friends along the way, sure, but nothing transcendent. Nothing emotionally comparable to the relationships I had had, have had, with women. There were men in between who had awakened sides in me, but our encounters were hot and brief.

It's complicated. Even I don't fully comprehend what this may mean to me and my family and those whom I love. I had just come out, in my mid thirties, to those closest to me. The fear was gone, and my journey to find a man to love, and a man to love me, had begun, by blowing that door wide open.