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A Lost Son

Been sitting, drinking, smoking, waiting, gossiping, bull-shitting, dealing, rambling and thinking. The place JB's. Friends to entertain me, flatter me and keep me happy. Unlikely friends, but true, loyal and honest. Part of me wants to leave, but a bigger part wants to stay. Amongst the people that I love. People that fill the void given to me by the woman that I love, and pitifully always will. The best friend I had, lost forever... Regrets.

Friends are my savior. Never had so many. Grateful I am. Lost love, found friends. Guess I lost, but I gained so much. They are my family now. My real family, I'm pushing away, I guess because I lost mine. Selfish, I know, insensitive, yes. Why do I run from them? Good question. Can't honestly answer that. I know they love me, I know they miss me. An empty bedroom and useless possessions are a constant reminder to them of a lost son. A son they raised with love, patience and unlimited understanding. I'm breaking my Mother's heart and disappointing my Father to no end. I think they are waiting for my return home, a moment of reconciliation and acceptance. For that moment when my Father will speak to me like a brother and adult, and accept that I need time and space to grow. For the moment my Mother will understand me.

But for now, my friends are my therapy. Teaching me more about me and helping me cope with a wounded heart. Teaching me how to accept, love, laugh, learn and be comfortable with myself. So thank you all my friends, you'll never know how much each of you has kept me from becoming someone I could've been if I hadn't left the life I did. Friends. 

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