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Almost Midnight

Rita

It's almost midnight. I couldn't sleep. I can't stop thinking about you, not that I want to. Part of me does. Forgetting about you is impossible. I'm sending a tape with this letter that has a song that comes the closest to expressing how I feel. I miss you, I miss us. I've changed so much, and I hate it. Sometimes I remember what's happened, what I've done, but more than anything, or anyone, it comes back to you. Why? I wish I knew. It's all crazy how things work out. I keep trying to make sense of everything, why I ever fell in love with you, why we fell in love, why? I looked forward to so much, to so many things, to being with someone who would always be there, someone I could love no matter what else happened. But everything happens for a reason. Rita, I don't want to move on without you, it all seems so pointless and scary. For so long I centered my life around my feelings for you, and now that doesn't mean much at all. Memories, hold on to them, but forget them, hold to them, but move on, hold on to them, but become something without what means most to me - that's what I've been trying to do. I need you. Do you get what I'm saying? I need you, I need us. But it isn't going to happen I know, but please understand, I will always need you. 

Ryan

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