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I Am Enough

"I am safe. Home. I am enough." Randy thought to himself in order to calm the anxiety that was building. An affirmation he had learned to repeat in his mind when he felt out of control in a new environment, in drug rehab.

Yet there was no relief, no belief in the words or thoughts. They held no power if there was no belief. He didn't feel safe, even after three weeks. He was nowhere near feeling safe, home or enough. And he couldn't imagine himself feeling that way anytime soon. 

He felt like a failure again, like he'd wasted his father's hard earned money because he was insecure, self conscience and selfish. Underneath it all, still an addict. He couldn't reach out to anyone. He was in the crowd, but not of the crowd. He felt so alone, even in the midst of people who seemed to genuinely care. They were there now, reaching out to try to help him. 

"So why get attached, why care, why reach out, why trust?? Someday they wouldn't be there anymore..." Randy thought to himself.

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