Friends of the Friendless

Elementary school, and preschool before that, allowed me the opportunity to grow. I found I especially love art, music and reading. I made friends easily, especially with the girls. A few male friends I had were close, but I rarely made the commitment to hold onto many friendships. For I knew that life changed and people came into, and went out of my life quickly. Forming attachments to others, however strong the desire on my part, only ended in disappointment when the connection with them was lost. There were a few exceptions, though, some friends are friends for life, regardless of distance and time.

Middle school and the changes of life were a rude awakening for me. I wasn't well prepared or educated for that existence I was expected to live in. My teachers always made a point to tell me how special and unique I was. Which I believed, but perhaps they said that to all their students.

I was bullied by other male students, in and around my age. They would tell me that I looked and acted like a girl, and would throw gay slurs at me. I would skip gym class for fear of hearing those words. I rarely defended myself or reached out to anyone for help. This was around the time when my social anxiety and depression set in, which would cripple me for years to come. I would often pretend to be sick so I wouldn't have to face the possibility of being branded a 'gay' boy. When I was first called gay, I recollect having no idea what the word meant, but I quickly and rudely found out, all too well. 

Despite the nastiness of some around me, I found others who were loving and genuinely cared for me. I was an outcast, in a way. I felt and made it my mission to find others who felt they didn't fit in with the crowd. I made friends with the friendless. And we came to call ourselves that, "The Friends of the Friendless." And we were there for each other, banding together in strength.

Friends, I learned in middle school, often chose different routes in life and social circles, often involving other friends, which meant abandoning previous friends. At that time in life, we didn't know exactly who we were yet, so it was to be understood. 

Friends, as much as I felt I needed them, often didn't stick. I felt lonely most of the time.