Cowardly Failure

I won't be moving back in with you. It's obvious that's not the best thing to do. I've always been an all or nothing in a relationship. I feel I've given my all. I gave up so much to be with you. I sacrificed my life in Riverton, my jobs, my home, my family. I never meant to take advantage of you, but obviously I did. I will never do that again. I think it best that we end our relationship. Thank you for all you have done for me. I'll always love you. 

Really? You won't talk to me about anything. I never know what kind of mood you will be in or how you feel. You haven't wanted to spend the night with me at all. You left last night because I wasn't in the mood for getting frisky and that bothered me a lot. I've tried to help so much, but you always say you don't need it and you'll figure it out. I know you gave up a lot and you don't know how much I appreciated that, but you won't communicate. Seems like lately all you want to do is come over to have a smoke and leave. How am I supposed to figure out what you need if you won't help me understand? I love you so much and always will. I'm not sure how you sacrificed your family. 

None of it matters anymore. 

I hope you can get things straightened out and get back on track in life. I'm sorry I derailed everything you had going in Riverton. I'm sorry I wanted to love you but couldn't do it the right way. I'm sorry for everything and I really mean that. I didn't want that to happen. Not to you. You are a beautiful person and everyone deserves happiness. I'll commit to being cordial with you when we see each other. Don't let the darkness dim the light in your life.  

Steven. You did nothing but you're best. So did I. Sometimes things just don't work out. 

Do you need this Santa hat that's on my dining table? 

Really? No. Keep it. I won't be coming back.

I didn't know if it was part of you outfit for tomorrow. You'll need to come back or somehow figure out how to get me back my boots (and anything else you might have) and get your boots (and anything else here that may be yours.  

I don't care about any of that anymore.

Well...I do. I want my stuff back somehow. If you don't care, I'll toss your stuff in the dumpster. Your choice. Not trying to be shitty, but that's how it is.  

Are my things in the dumpster? I'll be bringing your boots by today. 

I wouldn't throw anything in the dumpster. A bag is on the table on the back deck with your stuff. I'll be leaving shortly and should be gone for a bit.  

Ok. Thanks. The house key is under your boots in the bag.

Where is the phone you took from my home and who is using it? I left the line connected because I intended to add my mother. I've been tearing apart the house and garage trying to find it. I got a notification that the hot spot has been used up. I checked into the usage. Looks like whoever has it has been texting you. 🤔 Do you care to explain? My guess is you gave it to your kids. Did you tell them you were paying the bill? Did you think I wouldn't find out? I should have paid more attention, but I never imagined you would pull a stunt like this. Even now, you continue using me. I'm sure you know, but I already texted the number to inform whoever has it that it is stolen. Please be honest and tell your kids, Katie, and your parents what you've done. I'll be contacting them all tomorrow. Why did you put yourself in this situation?

Everyone already knows. Who cares? You obviously didn't. 

Everyone? Not yet. I'll be sure to tell everyone. Family... friends... your coworkers... maybe your boss. You are selfish and disgusting. Someday you won't have anyone else to take care of you.  

You'll be alone for the rest of your life. I will not.

Why will I be alone forever? I guess you were only with me because you felt sorry for me? I didn't realize I was pathetic and unworthy of love and companionship. Thanks for enlightening me.  

Stop texting me. And turn the other phone off. I wasn't selfish at all. I gave up everything, you gave up nothing! You lose sir!

So you decided to steal from me? While we were together? You were evicted from your home and didn't have a job that actually paid you bills. You still don't have a home and still can't pay your bills. You are almost 44 and still haven't figured out how to be an adult. I'm sure your parents are so proud of you and are happy to continue to support you. I may not be perfect, but I'm not a coward or a failure. I'll stop there.  

I am who I am. I'll always love who I am. I'm sorry you could not. I'll be blocking you now. But I'll always love you, Steven. And that's why I'm the better man.

If you say so. I'll always love you... but I'm unable to tolerate you.

I understand that. Steven, I Iove you, and nothing else matters. The phone will be in your mailbox today. 

Message unsent:

It was never my intention to steal the phone. The phone that you once gave me, then took back. I found the phone after we floated the river together. We'd had a lot of wine that day, and I wasn't thinking and mistook it for my new one. The phone had been in your glovebox for months. I didn't think it was active or that you were still paying for it. It would've been in your glovebox for six months before you noticed it was gone... Valerie's phone had died and she had no way to video call me. I gave her the phone so we could chat wirelessly. The only way we had to stay in touch, I thought you'd understand. When I found out it was still active, I told her we'd need to give it back. She was heartbroken. And when I realized I'd have to tell you, I knew you'd be furious and vicious with me. So I didn't tell you. And I'm glad things played out like they did, you were angry, furious, vicious and vindictive. All the qualities I knew you had in you, but knew I'd never see until I finally ended things with you.