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Now Hurts

As much as I thought I wouldn't miss Katie. I do, terribly. I get lonesome sometimes now. She became someone I started to need, just as she began to leave. My father says that I should stay with her and keep her in my life. It's hard. Already it's hard.

I thought I was pretty self reliant and, "oh, I don't need anybody in my life," but I do. Really. Just when I get on my feet, make a home somewhere and think I know what I want, I wake up and realize I know nothing at all. I don't know what I want, where I want to go, or even what I want to be.

To be here, like this, now.

Shakespeare is scaring me. I need to pull out. I can't afford it on an emotional level, I don't have it in me to create another character. I feel burned out and overwhelmed.

I want so much more than what I've got, yet I'm content to just be here for now.

I need to hide, run, get out. I hurt every time I turn around. People hurt. Life hurts. Now hurts. I hurt. And the strangest part is, I don't know why it hurts, or how to make it stop hurting. 

Maybe it's just too late.

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