Defeated in the Moonlight

Mom went about her days and let me go about mine as if nothing in the least was wrong. I walked Al every morning and night, watched movies, read comic books and played video games. And while I did so, I plotted. I thought about each question I was going to ask Jill, right down to the question marks themselves.

Late one Saturday night, after mom was almost passed out, I crept out of bed and edged my way down the stairs. The steps creaked in the middle so I slid down the wall with my back pressed against it. Mom was a light sleeper, even if she'd had a couple before she hit the sack. She did like her evening mixes.

My destination was Jill's window. On the ride home with mom I'd made a point to remember the way back to her house. It was dark and the entire layout had changed. I was on an adventure, determined to get up to the glass, tap on it very romantically and convince Jill to go back to that tree. As I started out that night, the stars seemed to sigh Jill's name. The fresh air stung nicely, and I sucked in a big gulp of it.

The walked passed quickly and before I knew it I was hunched down beneath the gigantic picnic table that was once festooned with desserts, cackling children and a red gingham table cloth. It was bare now. What the heck was I thinking?! Had I really just come all that way, and for what?!? The moments I'd plotted all week didn't look like this.

Not far away, separated by only a window pane was the sleeping princess. My Rapunzel. My Juliet. My Jilly... To look back now, I was a bit obsessed. What would she say? Was this even her window? What if she didn't want to go with me? 

The window suddenly lit up. I ducked. Through the lavender curtains I saw Jill's shadow. It must have been nearly two in the morning. Now was the moment of truth. Would I turn and walk home, defeated in the moonlight, or would I approach the glass?? "Do it you pansy!" My conscience taunted me. "Do it or you'll never be a man!!" I felt that sick excitement again, in a hide and seek sort of way. My bowels rumbled. What a time to have to take a dump..!!

Driven by who knows what, hormones perhaps, I stepped out from under the table. My right hand clenched the table, defying me to proceed. I jerked it loose. A sliver pierced my index finger and I let out a rough sigh. "Damn it!" I huffed under my breath. I turned quickly to see that no one had heard me. Absurd! Who but an insane preteen pervert would be out this late? The devil was my only company that night.

The lights went out. I sucked the blood off my finger. It stung as I tried to dislodge the sliver from its' new home. My eyes didn't leave the window. This was probably the dumbest thing I'd ever done. What was I doing here, and who did I think I was?? A presumptuous, spoiled mommy's boy, that's what I was. She hadn't asked me out. She hadn't declared her undying love. Why was I standing there? I turned to go, humiliated with myself. "Weakling..." Echoed in my head.

The light came on again. It was over. I had to go. I bolted out the back gate, down the alley and all the way to my front porch. Winded, I caught my breath before I stepped inside. I had failed. The battle was lost, but I would fight another day.

Then I took the best shit of my life!