gayNwyo

"So Peter was robbed to pay Paul?" "Yes, Peter robbed Paul to pay Judas to sleep with Mary. Quite to the contrary as the Bible tells the tale..." "So Peter picked Pauls' pockets to sleep with a prostitute?" "Precisely..." "How do you feel Jesus felt about all that?" "Jealous but forgiving, perhaps..." "That makes absolutely no sense!!"

Going to sleep my sweet man. I wish I could fall asleep in your arms again. This afternoon was heaven. I love you. Goodnight. 💋 💋 💋  Good night. I love you and love having you in my arms listening to you breathe. XOXO ❤️❤️❤️

"Hey, Ryan. Guess what showed up on my doorstep this lovely Sunday morning??" "What's that I wonder??" "A whole fresh homemade cheesecake. And you're going to help me eat it!" "What?! Who does that?! Is there some kind of door to door cheesecake delivery boy I need to know about...??"

 Side by side we both stood, Both unaware of the power we both had. The powers to both discover and destroy, To both pleasure and plunder, To both toy and ploy, Both just boys. R.L.J.

 Sunday afternoons often found him alone and horny. For Sunday afternoons were where he was without occupation and stimulation. So he found delight with himself and his own palm. Giving new meaning to Palm Sunday.

"Sometimes I find my life so ridiculously absurd, all I can do is laugh... Even though deep down inside I feel like I'm going to die. Laughter has always been my defense when life becomes too much. Laughter, in many ways, has saved me..." "There's nothing wrong with that. Once you start laughing, you start healing. If you aren't ready to laugh at what's going on, then laugh at something else. The world is full of ridiculous things. Laugh at those things. Laugh in that brutal way you do, Ryan. Laugh, start laughing, keep laughing. You don't have anything to lose..."

 We were on a road trip with my kids, My sweet Brian and I, Returning the kids back home. The kids were bouncy and full of fun, In the back seat, Laughing and delightful. "Can you two keep quiet?!" He shouted. Turned out he had no patience for them. Later he would say that they were only, "Noxious stimuli..."

Good morning. I just had a knock at the door and I was naked with the front door open. I had to get dirty clothes out of the laundry to answer the door.... Whoopsies!! Oh my!! Well, get naked again and the next knock you hear will be me. I'm headed your way now...

 "Here, Ryan! Catch this beef chorizo!" "Yeah, throw that meat at Ryan! He likes catching meat...!" "Ha, you two are hilarious! Actually I've been throwing more meat around lately. I'm the pitcher of the meat, and the other party is the receiver..." "Funny! You think you know a guy. I had you pegged for a bottom..." "Well, surprise, bitch, I can pitch and receive!!"

We three, we're all alone, Living in a memory, An echo, a shadow, and me. We three, we're not a crowd, We're not even company, My echo, my shadow, and me. What good is the moonlight, The silvery moonlight that shines above? I walk with my shadow, I talk with my echo, But where is the three I love? We three, I'll wait for thee, Even till eternity, My echo, my shadow, and me. We three we're all alone.  Seems like we're living in a memory, That's my echo, my shadow and me. We three, we ain't no crowd, Fact is we aren't even company. That's my echo, my shadow and me. You know I've been wondering, What good is the moonlight, That silvery moonlight, That shines way, way up above? I walk with my shadow,  I talk with my echo, Where is the three that I love? We three, I'll wait for you, Even till eternity, My echo, my shadow, and me. R.L.J.

"I'm sorry, but the ugly dove has to go. He's not good enough for the show. Let's instead make the ugly dove an owl. That should make the audience howl..."

 Rehearsal was nice. Time with you was sweet. This boy is gonna hit the sheets. Thanks for being an amazing man. Goodnight. 💋 💋 💋 

He kept digging deeper, Deeper and deeper, Into the blog. To try to make sense, But he found none, Only nonsense.  Chaos, Yet under the chaos, Order. R.L.J.

Do you need anything from Blair's for the weekend?  Yes. I think it's in the front of the store sometimes, other times it's in the frozen food section. It's sweet, tender, delicious, easy on the eyes and an incredible item only found in your store. If you have trouble locating it... just look in a mirror, you will see what I'm needing. 😏😉😘

"She's ugly and mean, I don't like her if we're being honest. She looks like an ogre, with a ghetto bootie and her laugh is so irritating..." "Well, if I'm being honest I happen to like her a lot. And if I'm being more honest, you look like a Cabbage Patch kid with no eyebrows, with no bootie and absolutely no personality.  How's that for honesty...??"

"There are times I have the oddest feelings about you. When you are close to me, as you are sometimes, I feel as though I have a rope tied somewhere beneath my left rib, where my heart resides, tightly tied to you in a bizarre fashion. When you leave I fear this rope will be severed, and I shall bleed inside..."

It was a rainy day, all day, and a Monday, too. Then all the sudden it was Fall and the world settled down as the temperature dropped. There was a change in the air, and a peace fell over his heart. He had a contentment inside that hadn't been there for a long time. A peace placed in his heart by a man who loved him for who he was, flaws and all.  It's the kind of love one is lucky enough to find but once in a lifetime. A miraculous and mature love that he was once told he would never find if he continued down the road he was on.  Yet here he was, on a rainy Monday on the brink of a delicious Fall. In love with one delightfully, amazingly, rare man. Falling more in love.

Hey Ry Ry, Just wanted to drop you a line and see how you are doing! Haven't heard from you in a long time. Well, five days seems like a long time... I am about done reading the Book of Romans. Started it last night and couldn't put it down and studied all night, forgot to sleep. You should read it... Well, God is really doing a work out on the Rez. On Tuesday we had to deal with demons, so instead of having Bible Study and prayer we only had four Crave members. But we all went to the altar and picked up a burden for someone and we picked up more than one! It was very powerful, wished you could have been there! We did one drama, "Why Do You Run?" Heidi was the main one and me and LuLu were the bad friends! It was good! RyRy, I know your favorite song is "Why Do You Run?" So here it is, track five from the Drama CD: Why do you run? Why do you hide? Don't you know I just want to be with you, to be with you... Looking down from above as you watch the TV, wo...

My Ryan You mean the world to me. Happy Anniversary You have made my life so much fuller. I love you. T. 💙 

"I love playing pretend. I get to be someone else for awhile. It's an escape. Sometimes I get lost in my own little world. It feels dangerous, playing pretend..." "It can be dangerous. We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be..."

I don't feel like I told you how much this weekend meant to me, so I'll tell you again. You being the man you have been in my life makes me feel safe and loved. You taking me back to where I've been before meant so much to me. Being there with you made my heart burn with love, for you.  I want you to be happy. If I can do anything to see you smile, it fills my heart with such joy. I'm glad you are happy and I'm happy because you deserve to be loved and I get to be the one to love you with all my heart. 

 Once upon the last day of a golden Summer, there was a boy and his man... They spent the last day together in the afternoon sunlight, on a jaunt, up into the mountains where they both could feel young again. The boy reminiscent while the man took joy in where the boy once loved a girl. A girl who once owned a heart only to break and forget it. The majestic sky and mountains captivated them both. And an onyx ring was placed upon the boys' finger, and the man loved him, like he never loved another before.

 "Four cars drove out into the night, four passengers each. All headed for their own separate destinations. Only one car arrived at its' destination, with only one driver intact. Those are the odds, my son. The odds of making it to heaven..."

You know, I’ve had this pressing thought for a couple years now that I need to tell you that the Lord loves you. And there is nothing you can ever do that would remove the love He has for you. I am not quite sure how to say that & it’s never really come up in conversation… I just feel like the Lord wants you to know His great love for you. 🫶 So, I guess just texting it to you is the best way I can think of:) I hope you feel better soon & get over your sickness.❤️‍🩹

"Don't talk to that guy. I hear he has a wicked curve with a golf club..." "I was shocked to see him, he tracked me down and wouldn't stop making passes at me..." "He's trouble. I just get jealous a bit..." "I only have eyes for you dear. I don't care if it's foggy or bright, for I only have eyes for you..."

"She was right to take them away from him. He wasn't stable, he wasn't healthy. He was self-destructive, irrational and irresponsible. Frankly, he was dangerous. He couldn't be trusted, yet she still loved him. She did the best she could by him, but couldn't take him for who he was. So she whisked them away, off to a better life, far away from him, where he couldn't hurt them anymore..."

"Who killed Charlie?" "It wasn't the man on the roof, as the media circus would have you believe. It was the man on his right, the man in blue. It was a deep state hit. Home run, dirty and true..."

"They came in the night, from above in the sky. Come to warn me to beware of bearers of false gifts and their broken promises. If I should ignore this warning there would be much pain, yet there was still time, and good out there. They opposed deception. This was their message. Then they left as they came, to the sky..."

"He's still out there, a couple of fingers and a thumb, keeping tabs from afar, waiting for the next blog to drop. He still has a hard on for the man he lost. The poor fool. I do wonder if he'll ever come back to town..."

 "Hey Ry, you wanna try some of this new salad? It's yummy..." "No thanks. I just had the most amazing cabbage burger..." "Oh yeah? Where'd you get a cabbage burger??" "From Tom. It was homemade and delicious, probably the best cabbage burger I ever had. I'll never look at a deli cabbage burger again..." "You better put a ring on his finger, he sounds like a keeper!" "He is. It's our one year Manniversary this weekend. We've been together a year..." "Right on!!" "I said 'Manniversary.' Get it??" "Yeah Ry, I get it!!"

I think of you all the time, I worry about you, I feel your sadness when you can't get to see your beautiful kids as much as you would like. You have been my star on a dark night. Thank you for taking me on your journey through each day. It feels so good. I love you Mr. Ryan. ❤️😘❤️

He could hear them, The noises from above. Noises sent to disturb him,  Yet remind him, That the noises, The noises that came from above, And below him, Were only the noises, The noises from, From within him. R.L.J.

"Nothing may make sense to you right now, for this world is chaos and nothing makes sense. But trust me when I say, if you could see from the beginning to the end, all of it would make sense, and then you would finally understand..."

 Randy wasn't exactly sure of the how. But the how was not his business. The how never really should have been of concern to him. But it generally was. How was he going to do this? How was he going to do that? How, how, how? Letting go was exactly the how that Randy had been looking for. Matching energy and frequency was his new trick, the test, to see if the universe would deliver. There were laws of attraction that governed the universe, so he believed. This was a game changer. This meant that if he changed his energy, the energies around him would change. So, given time and enough energy, things were bound to change. Obviously, change was inevitable. But change, his change, the intentional and deliberate change that he would see in the world, his world... That is where the magic was, or would be, or always was...

A thousand nights he had found himself alone, yet in the love of thousands. Yet a thousand loves still left him alone.

"He lost himself trying to save me out of love, only to have me rewrite him as the villain he always was. Then he watched as people applauded me like I was never anyone to him. It was one of the most soul shattering agonies there was. The irony was that we both found each other in the experience, and lost each other at the same time. Beautifully tragic, just like all the best love stories..."

 He was born a changeling child, Born of goodly parents, Yet born with a defect. One that wouldn't manifest, Until the child had grown, Grown into a man. The child turned man, Had found he was a man, Who needed another man. R.L.J.

My Sweet Ryan, Look at my face, I know the years are showing. Look at this life, I still don't know where it's going. I don't know much, but I know I love you. That may be all I need to know. Your Tom Cat

"Everyone in this family keeps things from each other..." "Well, sometimes it's hard to explain some things. To talk about them. Sometimes we keep things from the people we love because we don't want to hurt them..." "Not knowing hurts, too..."

"Have you ever wondered if the world is not what you think it is?" "What are you talking about...??" "No law, no order, just chaos all the way down. Look around you, we just put a man in the earth and all we can do is drink ourselves silly. Fending off the dark, fending off the end..."

"I'm never early and I'm never late, I arrive precisely when I intend to. I never speak unless spoken to and I waste no time with idle chatter. My clockery, or time pieces, preferably branded horology are impeccably constructed and priced precisely. My father's father and his father before him were clock makers stretching back as far as time can tell. I grew up with sawdust and the constant ticking of tocks, reminding me that time was ever moving and that time was something to be made and not lost, cherished and never forgotten. I feel most do not value time, as I do. Time is all we ever have - and all we ever have is right now. 'Make the most of time, before it runs out.' My father would routinely proclaim..."

"Hey Ryan, a little bird told me that she saw your Ex and his new guy at Bomgaars..." "Oh really...?" "Yes. The little birds name is Mary, and she was asking me why your Ex is with someone else. She thought you two were still together..." "Oh, no. We are not..." "She said they were having a fight and she found it most entertaining..." "Well tell the little bird Mary thanks for passing the little tid bit of tea along..."

"What must we do with him Doctor Dorothy? He's a strong one. How can we suppress his strength of character?" "We must be sure that he remains completely fixated on everything outside of himself. Arguments, political gossip and obsessing on the faults of people he has never met. This will serve as an excellent distraction from advancing in personal virtue, character and the things he can control. Make sure to keep him in a constant state of angst, frustration and general disdain towards the rest of the human race in order to avoid any kind of charity or inner peace from further developing. Ensure he continues to believe that the problem is outside of him, in the broken world, rather than recognizing there is a problem with himself...."

  Dear Noah and Valerie, Good Morning! I love you so much! I am getting Daddy so that he can go get help. I will see you soon! Love you to the moon, sun and stars & back again! Love,          Mommy

"I'm a Hortigender Specialist. Do you know what that is?" "No I do not..." "It means I am attracted to someone based on their back garden. I love back gardens and like to wet my plants at least once a week. They’re a place where I find myself when I need to lose myself. But also a place where I feel the most sexual..." "Is that why you're always naked in the garden?" "Yes sir!"

 Lmao so I have a notification that I have a message on FB so it’s driving me nuts this morning so I’m deleting a bunch of old messages etc so I see Steven in my inbox not a message from him but the “you are now connected” message so I go to delete it but I accidentally click on it and lmfao he has me blocked like ahahahhaha why dude you are so far off my radar. What a psycho. 😂🤌🏻💀 Yes. A psycho. He's just jealous because we are still friends, and you are a rock star real estate agent, and he's not. He wants to come back, but I can't see him being a success there if you are.  It’s just so bizarre frankly!  Right?!

"Do you think I'll find forgiveness for all that I've done?"  “Forgiveness isn't anything you'll ever find. Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past. You need to let that past go, and forgive yourself..."

He sits with his sickly sewn face, My eyes turned up backwards. It's not him, I know him. But hell, I'm imagining him. Behind his shoulders, The frozen tv is watching me, Like a daddy who never said anything. Two eyes, too wide open, Too, too true. There's a crown, yes, It doesn't see anything good. There for the catch. Spoons don't spoon them out, I planted them in his bones. Why didn't he stay? Because he was in pain. Don't hold his breath? No, crush it. I'm off stage, I'm under there. Between the wires and the plugs. My flesh pulsing in the background whispers. Waiting there, watching myself disappear, In high definition.  R.L.J.

"Have you seen his new page? It's a silly little page, called 'Steven Sighting'..." "Ha! I suppose it's his own sort of self attention seeking site meant to respond to my own already sort of successful small town blog..." "Probably. Gay boys once in love, now not, creating fantasy worlds for themselves. Somehow pathetic, yet sweet and romantic. I follow this kind of thing you know..." "Obviously..."

"What would you suggest, Doctor Dorothy? To get past my past? I feel stuck in my old life, it feels too little, too late. I've an over active imagination, how do I let that go...?" "Don't use your conscious past. Use your creative imagination to create a past that belongs to your own character. I don't want you to be stuck with your own life. It's too little. Let go of that past and embrace a future you may or may not be ready for..."

My Dear Ryan, I know you've been to the bottom and worn bruises I understand. I know you've lost sight of yourself and spent time with misery. I know the faith that used to carry you has left you without hope, because you reach your hands to no one on the days that you can't cope. I know the salted water falling from the corner of your eyes is invisible to everyone and you lack the strength to rise. I know you feel it's time to give up and you have no strength to breath. In the darkness that you find yourself that grips so hard you can't leave. I've once been where you are now and I know the feeling of this pain. I know you can defeat this and I know you'll be you again. So take my arm as I embrace you. Let me carry you my friend, because one day soon you'll see this as the beginning, though it's feeling like the end, for they are one and the same. The end is always the beginning.  Jesus 

"Do you believe in dreams Doctor Dorothy? I don't mean the dreams you have while deep in sleep, I mean the dreams you have while wide awake. Do you believe in the dreams people have for theirs lives, the dreams they want to achieve...??" “I don’t believe in dreams or dreaming. I have to say this because over and over again you keep quoting people who had a dream or who dream of a particular outcome. This is ludicrous. It really is. To dream is to be without reason. To dream is to not be awake and in control. You might as well announce to the world that you’ve engaged a couple of fairies. You know, the ones in the forests with the wings, to get you a job or to teach you to speak well or to inspire you. This is ludicrous. Dreams are an illusion. Anything you wish or dreams for in life you have to risk it all and go out there and get for yourself..."

"When you die, your life will be played back through the eyes of everyone who has ever known you. From your greatest lovers to the people you passed in the grocery store. How you loved them, how you treated them, how you viewed them and how you felt about them. You'll see and feel it all. Trust me. I've been there and felt it all. When you die you'll experience the same..."

Our tale was written, but not the same. For you moved on, while I remained.  I held the chapters close to me, but you had closed the book to me. Love requires a second hand, a voice that answers and understands.  Mine was left to tell alone, a story half, a tale disowned. Still I read it, page by page, a book of love, though not engaged.  Half of a story, mine to keep. Mine to keep. And sleep. Sleep and keep.  R.L.J.

The silver and black danced on the screen, there for only him to be seen. The silvers and blacks called back memories in time. It was him up there on the screen, a man he remembered. Lost to time. It was him up there in silver and black. The silver and black had brought him back. Back in time.  R.L.J.

 Ryan,  I pray my Son receives everything he's been working so hard for. I've seen the effort, the sacrifice and the determination he carries everyday, and I know how much it means to him. May every late night, every struggle, and every perseverance turn into blessings and answered prayers. He truly deserves it all. The success, the joy and the fulfillment of his dreams. Love, Your Father